Trust between children and their parents - guarantee of family wellbeing. In families where there is a trust, children see in the parents not of limiters of freedom, and the friends.
Parents of the teenagers who faced such problems as the conflicts, loss of control over children, the disrespect of parents and disobedience, problems at school self-destroying behavior, early sexual communications and teenage pregnancies often address the practicing family psychologist. Understanding all these situations, experts often come to a conclusion that the majority of problems it would be possible to avoid easily if teenagers trusted the parents, and those, in turn, were interested in life of the children.
For most of parents to be interested life of the child is to ask, how are you at school, to take an interest in estimates, to check readiness of homework and all. But the teenager's life, owing to age features of a transition period, is far outside school. And outside school there is also a majority of problems. Therefore it is extremely important to build up trusting relationship with the children.
How to gain trust of children?
The trust of the child to the parents is put by the nature since childhood. Kids trust the mom and to fathers as those feed him, look after him, preserve and protect. A task of parents to keep this trust. And it is not so simple to make it.
Psychologists developed a number of recommendations allowing to keep trust or to construct trusting relationship from scratch:
- To listen to the child. Children have hundreds of languages by means of which they speak about themselves. It is usual oral speech, drawings, games, favourite books, music, clothes, classes. All this helps to build a picture of the world of the child. Children need attention, but it is necessary for them even more that parents listened to them. And without interrupting, without arguing, without expressing the estimated opinion. The child needs to give the chance to express. Then he will understand that parents respect his thoughts and feelings.
- To learn to understand the child. There is such exercise in psychology as "a staff speaking": that at whom it in hands can speak until interlocutors do not understand it. At the same time interlocutors are forbidden to express the opinion while the staff is in hands of speaking. This exercise is useful to be that it gives the chance to each participant the witness. And it is important both for children, and for adults.
- To give the chance to participate in family councils. Family councils not just unite, they give the chance to feel to the child that his opinion the importance. And success secret here not in discussion of problems, and in search of joint ways of their decision. Family members have to understand that councils are directed not to their charge of problems and causing emotional discomfort by it, and to the aid in finding solutions.
- To focus on those aspects of behavior which can do harm to health of the child or people around. Children during the life try on on themselves various roles. And it is normal! If the teenager wears baggy clothes and dyes hair in bright colors, but you should not worry seriously. And here if he decided on a tattoo or a shramirovaniye, then it is already worth discussing this problem on family council.
- To give more freedom and responsibility. One of main rules of education of children - not to do for them what they are able to make. Conforming to this rule, parents make the children more independent and responsible. Also important in process of opportunities to charge to children important issues. For example, to make the list of necessary products, preparation of a lunch on weekends or care for pets.
- Not to be conducted on manipulation. Any child will check parents for durability from time to time, trying to manipulate them. Such favourite receptions how "you do not understand me" will be put to use, "you do not love me", "why I something have to all the time all?" and so forth. It is recommended to respond to all attempts to achieve future child wished in damage not simple "no", and "convince me". Gradually at the child the understanding will be developed that what is correct, has to prevail over simple impulses and acts.
- To respect personal space. The more parents control the capricious teenager, the he becomes more cunning. Teenagers, whose parents check their bags and personal pages on social networks for the purpose of search of "compromising evidence", learn to hide it only more carefully. Then about any trust and the speech cannot be.
- To remember implication. When in the evening the teenager calls the parents and speaks "take away me, please, I touched/touched with alcohol", he trusts 100% to the parents. But for some reason such behavior will cause in them anger and family scandal. Then next time the child will think that it is better to tell nothing. But then consequences can be much more deplorable.
About feelings of children and parents
Since the very first months of life, the child has various feelings: joy, anger, nervousness, grief, grief, fear. Therefore in the family relations it is extremely important to recognize that all have the rights for the feelings: both mom, and dad, and child. All family members can be tired, take offense, be upset or, on the contrary, feel inflow of forces, energy and pleasures. One and too the event can cause different feelings in everyone.
Important to learn not to be afraid to speak to all family members openly about the feelings and to respect feelings of others. The fact that it seems to parents a trifle can be extremely important to their children and vice versa.