It is difficult to many parents to accept the fact that children come to this world not to equal someone's hopes and to live ideal life of the parents. Often parental ambitions do not allow the child to reveal and become themselves, thereby killing in him the free and independent personality.
In some families the child did not manage to be born yet as parents already made a detailed plan of his life: to what garden will go what books will love, than will be fond at what school will study from what university will graduate where will work when and with whom will get married, etc.
Sources of such Napoleonic plans for life of children are in the childhood of parents. Once mom wanted to become a ballerina, to win the hearts of the audience "pases" and to appear on the best stages of the world. And dad once dreamed to become the great football player for whom the best world national teams would fight. But something went wrong, and these dreams were unrealized. Having become parents, these people try to embody the unrealized dreams through children.
When do ambitions of parents prevent to live to their children?
All parents can conditionally be divided into 3 categories:
- The parents giving to the child total freedom in the choice of hobbies. At such parents children are engaged only in those circles and sections which really are pleasant to them. At the same time parents do not control their visit. If the child decides to cease to go to any circle or section, they will not insist on continuation of classes. Total freedom - it, of course, is good. But children are children, inconstancy is peculiar to them. They still study self-checking and self-discipline. Therefore it is important to teach them to overcome difficulties which will always be, regardless of a kind of activity. For example, it is possible to agree with the child that he will visit each new section or a circle not less than 6 months.
- The parents trying to give to the child at most of opportunities for development. These parents drive the children on various circles and sections, a cavity loading the child, not leaving to him minutes of free time. To the child it is vital to play, have fun and sometimes to be carefree. There were cases when because of excessive loadings children began to stammer, retired into oneself, and sometimes had problems with nervous system.
- The parents living through the child the fact that did not live. This category of adults does not even try to consider desires, aspirations and tendencies of the children. If mom wanted to play in the childhood a violin, then her child surely has to do it. Even if it has no hearing. If dad did not become an engineer, then his son by all means has to. Even if that is not on friendly terms with mathematics and physics at all.
Such parents, without understanding that, limit development of the children. The child can achieve success in drawing and to become the successful designer, and instead plays hated scales. The son could become the successful photographer, and instead studies as the economist, at the same time understanding that no day by this profession will work.
Consequences of parental pressure
Not all children are purposeful since the birth. Some really need starting "push" and support. But at the same time it is always necessary to listen to interests and tendencies of the child.
The parents putting pressure upon the child often do not even think of possible negative consequences. The preschool children finding a long time under pressure often are whining, nervous, closed. At some enuresis and stutter is observed.
Younger school students often become apathetic, sluggish, are ill much and cease to be interested in study.
At children of teenage age reactions of a protest when the child tosses mugs and school are often observed, snaps, revolts. Some teenagers join smoking and the intake of alcohol and psychologically active agents.
It is important to remember that children are not continuation of parents, and independent persons. And the task of parents is to help the child to reveal and become by itself, but not the more successful copy.