For what do we live? The classic says that the person is given birth for joy as a bird for flight. And you for certain heard that each person — the master of fate. And still everywhere write supposedly "happy mom — the happy kid". But how to leave a vicious circle of negative exchange of information and considering of thoughts what you are grieved and disturbed? Begin with strong desire to be happy and confidence that you are created just for this purpose.
Me the topic of positive thinking, especially materials and the scientific research operating with the facts interests long ago. There are many experiments showing how the efficiency and human health depending on what he watches changes and on what emotions most of all focuses. Experiments of Barbara Fredrikson, the researcher of positive psychology of the University of North Carolina, show that positive thinking yields the fruits, and not only momentary, and quite long-term.
I will not be mistaken if I tell that very many mothers, communicating with each other at the playground, often posylatt negative information: complain of the husband, children, the fatigue, of mothers-in-law. On the one hand, it is a peculiar group therapy: it was uttered – felt better. With another if you speak about the same day by day, but you do nothing to change a situation, then therapy does not work. It is an outlet in the close camera, but not an exit. Joy in life does not increase.
And for what we live? The classic says that the person is given birth for joy as a bird for flight. And you for certain heard that each person — the master of fate. And still everywhere write supposedly "happy mom — the happy kid". But how to leave a vicious circle of negative exchange of information and considering of thoughts what you are grieved and disturbed? Begin here with what: from strong desire to be happy and confidence that you are created just for this purpose.
Tell yourself: I am created for joy! Also repeat at each opportunity not to forget.
The first step. Teach to think the brain good
Do you know that many thoughts we think on a habit? Yes. The set of phrases and the ideas lie in our memory and at an opportunity get from there, already gotovenky. What do you like to tell most often? Your favourite expressions? Whether can be so that practically you summarize any story a phrase: "Generally, everything is bad!". Try to listen to yourself. To the fact that you speak and think. Notice all stamps, sayings and introductions with a negative shade. Noticed? Now make here that: fill the memory with new phrases and expressions, with a positive shade. And every time when you catch yourself that you twist the same persuasive disturbing thought in the head, effort of will dismiss it. And immediately get in advance prepared positive phrase from memory. It will accustom to switch your brain to work in a new way.
Each mom has to make the list of positive phrases and quotes for herself, according to the character and aspirations. It has to be something encouraging, motivating.
For example, so:
I am strong, I will cope! Everything will be OK! And I will pass it good mom At me the good child At us everything will be excellent I mom and I know what to do. All children different, but all children good
I have to emphasize: always what you wanted to change in the child or way of family, begin with yourself. The first step — the beginning of conscious thoughts of and a situation. If relatives seldom praise you and allocate with confidence — praise yourself. All, what are you doing, each daily business is your huge contribution to family. See, what are you doing a new view, be glad and praise yourself.
The second step: communication with the child
The second step by positive motherhood as I call the style of education of children — notice how you think of the child and a chtogovorita to it. In the relations, especially long-term, there are habitual words, thoughts and actions too. And they, these habits, everything prevent to change. We bear through all the life information on how to speak with children, absorbed, alas, not from books, and from own childhood and a talk around us. We store these stereotypic phrases and without thinking we use them. Time to replace them with new, more productive came.
There is such mass habit: loudly, long and violently to discuss bad acts of the child, and good to award only short dry "good fellow" (even often without having looked at result, without having smiled!). And children are eager for attention of adults so that they agree sometimes and to abuse if only there are more emotions, contact.
Try to diversify sample "good fellow" with something more emotional and fresh. Just on duty "good fellow" is an emotional crouton. Perhaps it is worth passing to more nutritious and full-fledged food? Make new "menu": the list of praises which you will use and diversify reaction (in case impromptus are not given you).
For example: I am so proud of you! At you it so great left! Wonderful! Amazing! Incredibly! You are my assistant! What you at me talented!
Diversify the "menu of praises" and notice all progress, especially if you with the child got into such situation when it seems what to praise there is nothing. And you try and notice. Think up occupation in which he will precisely succeed and praise sincerely and without stinting. To notice good and to focus on it — an important part of positive thinking.
The third step: work with the husband
And the third step: if your husband is not really generous on positive emotions, tell him about positive thinking. Teach to praise the husband and you, and the child. Tell him honestly and directly that you and the child lack his positive attention, joyful and sincere reaction. The man does not lose courage at all, showing feelings, but thanks to the fact that all family tries to appreciate achievements of each other, sincerely is happy and thanks, the atmosphere in the house improves.
Happens so that only on the woman all emotional "weather in the house" lies. But it is not absolutely correct. In the relations all have to work, and emotionally too. Be honest, talk! Tell that the way of reaction is a habit, and any person can begin to express more feelings. The same as we teach children to polite words, and adults need to learn to tell more good words each other.
What do you receive?
Main issue: what will it give you? First, having begun to follow the thread of behind the thoughts, you will soon train to drive away the thoughts parasites spoiling mood and to replace them with the productive thoughts increasing your confidence.
Secondly, you will shablonno cease to react to the events with you and the child, and will begin to live here and now, to answer more vividly and emotionally. You will see as it is necessary to you a little for joy when you try to notice good in yourself, the affairs and achievements which made well, in the child and his acts and achievements.
How can positive thinking change and improve your style of education of children? It will make you stronger, more resolute and surer, will give more than forces and abilities. At positive mom certainly better it turns out to cope with the child, and not with one because having stopped thinking about problems, you begin to solve them. And focus on search good as a result gives more reasons for joy. And shouts in the house become less what all benefit from.
Though in one day it is impossible to be reversed, begin with small. Begin to think good and to see good. Stop to discuss every day at whom that in life it became worse. Tear a template and tell that at you good. You praise and thank each other more often.
Add this article to favorites and share with girlfriends in case you will feel breakdown. You remember: all of you can! For a start it is necessary to replace unproductive habits with good only.
I will be glad to hear your comments! Yulia Syrykh. Designer. Writer. Mom. Author of the book ""Positive Motherhood or how Easily and Effectively to Grow Up Children""