It is impossible to bring up the child only by method of "gingerbread". However how to find this fine line when from permitted this action passes into the category of forbidden? Some parents confuse the useful bans with total deprivation of the choice of the child. Of course, it is possible if mothers and fathers got used to show totalitarian behavior model in family when desires and experience of parents in many respects prevails over unconscious instincts of the kid.
But in each family inevitably there comes the period when the child escapes from under guardianship and ceases to react to adults, as to only right reference point and the authority. As a rule, such situations lead to numerous scandals, nervous breakdowns and deterioration in the relations in family. It will be very difficult to correct a situation, and it is almost impossible to remove from memory of the child of reminiscence of the unpleasant period. Certainly, the most correct will not bring itself and the child to such state.
Any restriction which you introduce in the family has to be rather proved. In that case the child will be able to understand that it is not your whim, but need which will allow to improve the atmosphere in family, to create own ideas of degree of freedom and responsibility. You should not underestimate the child while he is small. Even at the age of two-three years the child keeps so an open mind that he will be able quite to understand your explanations in language clear to it. It is the best of all to use examples and metaphors for overeating of all key part of the problem. Favourite fairy tales, animated films, books will render you the invaluable help.
However and parents have to understand for what they forbid the kid to perform any given operation. Let's try to understand and allocate several main reasons.
To forbid - means to protect
The reasonable bans at children's age allow parents to protect the child from adverse effects. It concerns both a physical, and mental state. The child learns to learn the world, using the taboo system. He begins to understand what is there where there is no entrance, can be dangerous. But to it the child has to come independently. Otherwise all your bans will only strengthen suspicions and the interest of the kid.
Formation of vital reference points
The children's bans allow parents to save society from the next egoist. Children very quickly take the power over parents, especially modern generation. Today the set of books is written and removed telecasts that the child is a personality and it is necessary to respect his choice. This right and constructive direction. However you should not accept unconditionally each word and to think that the bans for the kid should not be at all. Having refused something once, the child will be able to feel taste of the desirable much more with pleasure, than he will receive it on the first crying.
The children's bans promote socialization
The system of values and duties in children's awareness is formed. Let so far the kid at the level understand why it is impossible to beat cats and to shout at mom. It is possible even that so far it will be its good habit. A task of parents to make so that those ban which they impose now forced the kid to think of why it cannot be done. And here if once mom or dad in response to the next ban hear children's: "And why?", so your system works correctly. The kid wants to get all more information of this circumstance to lay them in the head. It demonstrates to what the child thinks of.
It is important that your bans were not based on fashion trends in education or experience of neighbors in a staircase. Watch the child and try to transfer him only the best traditions of your family.