Probably, the situation is familiar to much when at refusal to buy something or sort from scratch the child suddenly lays down in the dirtiest pool in shop and begins to shout heart-rendingly. Right there the crowd of the grandmothers lamenting gathers: "What cruel mom, did not buy the kid candy, oh, oh, oh!" Many parents feel shame and guilty at such moments and buy to the child the desirable rather, if only he became silent. Someone just is enough the kid for hands and leaves, having forgotten about all affairs. And someone begins to lecture the child publicly. How to behave in similar cases?
Children's hysterics are a fast way to receive the desirable. They begin approximately in 1.5 years and can proceed to teenage age. Children very well feel parents and press on their most sick points, for example, shame.
Desires of small children are spontaneous: I see – I want. Because of a small lexicon and also because mom long time itself guessed desires of the child (cries, so wants to eat or pampers wet), the 2-3-year-old child can suit a hysterics only because mom did not guess his desire. And desires can sometimes be very interesting. For example, mom put oil in a basket, and the child suited a hysterics. It appeared, he wanted to make it. And mom did not guess.
From 1.5-year-old age of the child it is necessary to accustom to put into words his desires: "I cannot guess that you want, tell me words, please". If the child is not able to speak yet, then he quite can show, for example, on juice or cookies on a table.
To a visit of shop the kid needs to read your plan, to prepare it, for example: "We will go with you to shop now. There we will buy milk, bread, oil, and then you can choose to yourself 2 any juice. But some candy and a toy we will not buy today". Thanks to such preparation, most likely, the child will not look on all shelves any more, we follow juice!
If the hysterics after all happened, then it is necessary to fall by the child's level, to squat and to otzerkalit it, to describe his feelings: "I see, you are very upset and offended that I did not buy you candy, but I cannot make it now. As you will be ready, approach me, I will regret you". Time can sometimes be required by the child to calm down. Let's it have a good cry or be teased, do not muffle its feeling.
When we describe feelings and experiences which are experienced at present by the child, we let it know that we understand it. And it is very important even for kids. And when they see it, they quickly enough calm down.