Perfectionism in different degree is developed, however its malignancy is identical to children at any age. Firstborns or the only children in family are most vulnerable in this regard. Many parents unconsciously allow about one and too mistakes, forming the neurotic personality.
In psychology there is no consensus how to understand perfectionism, however and without exact definition the teachers and children's psychologists meet in one: perfectionism is one of neurotic frustration, leading to exhaustion, professional deformations, psikhosomatoza... In a word, the child perfectionist grows up nervous, dissatisfied with himself and life, the unfortunate person.
Some parents, unfortunately, noticing (or even developing) the first signs of perfectionism at the children, are happy and proud of the found disease. They tell that their Mischa such good fellow, so diligently and accurately does everything, and so far all will not make ideally, at all will not distract, such at him the character until they builds all soldiers in strict regularity - will not begin to play.
There is open a question whether perfectionism genetically is inherited, however 4 types of parental behavior which are formed by thinking of the perfectionist are revealed today:
- Parents are excessively critical. The healthy criticism stated softly reasonably, paternally is one; another matter when the child receives only one criticism for all the efforts.
- Parental expectations are too high. Some buy the books promising to bring up the child prodigy, for example. Also live according to books, but not with children.
- Parental approval is absent or it is inconsistent. Has something in common with the first point. The child does not receive a positive reinforcement, the deficiency is so formed then the child is accustomed to a thought that it is not considered good because he did not try properly. It can result, in addition, in workaholism.
- Parents perfectionists serve as models for imitation, role model.
Parents should remember that the mentality of the child is very active, it demands immediate actions, and it is incompatible with faultless behavior. It is a lot of tests and many mistakes - here a normal situation for the child, there is nothing terrible in mistakes and incorrect decisions.
Some parents inspire in children that in a game there is the correct and wrong behavior (it does not belong to standard game rules in soccer or in chess, the speech about a game in general) and when children, say, draw an elephant red, and the sun green, such parents explain what so should not be done.
The children's mentality is initiative, and some parents inspire in children polar installation - either do excellently, or do not do in general. It contradicts the normal course of things, a trial and error method, but the fact that it kills an initiative is worse.
It is necessary to recognize that though very few people from parents punish children for misses, at the same time some parents abuse for specifications and questions.
Education - responsible about difficult process, parents should remind every morning themselves that only they first of all influence what will be the person when grows, but they are capable to do also serious harm. Forgive to children of a mistake more often and you teach them kindly, do not ignore requests and questions, you thank for an initiative.