Needs of nature of the newborn baby - constant presence of mom is near. In process of growth and development the child can independently carry out more and more affairs. Parents should transfer to the child responsibility. It is sometimes very difficult to find a fine line between all-consuming care and indifference. Especially sharply questions of excessive guardianship are brought up in the period of teenage age.
The child gains independence gradually
The problem of teenage age also consists in separation from parents. At normal development of relationship between the child and his parents a teenage revolt less sharp. But if before parents watched each step of the child, the teenage revolt will be very bright.
Therefore parents should think of whether enough they give freedoms to the child, long before achievement of teenage age by him. It should beginning to be done since the moment as the kid learns to creep. Take yourself for the rule: safety of the child is your direct duty. But it is necessary to provide it not with the bans. It would seem what it will have consequences for the teenager in the future? Consequences the most direct: you from the very beginning will get used to give to the child freedom where it is possible, but not to operate his life. You are able to allow the kid of 7 months to creep freely on all room because you removed dangerous objects from the field of its reach. In the same way and with the teenager: you freely release him to go out with the friends because you have an arrangement to call up to it in certain time.
Always listen to what is told you by your child
You can easily not notice where you go too far with the care. But your child surely will feel it and will tell you. You should not take a position of the authoritative parent in such talk: ""I told it is impossible, means it is impossible!"" Communicate with the child as equals, consider his desires. It is always possible to discuss its claims on independence and to reach acceptable compromise. The more you will press on the child, the more will receive resistance. Perhaps, your any permission is not so important in itself, but the principle - not to allow parents to win will become important.
Analyze the feelings and motives
The good way to avoid excessive guardianship over the child is an analysis of motives of the behavior. Think why you need to control the child constantly? Whether your experiences are adequate? Whether you exaggerate the danger threatening to the child? If you cannot understand the feelings, address the psychologist. Often, the independent look from outside very much helps. But even without psychologist it is extremely useful to realize the emotions and to speak about them to the child. For example, instead of the categorical ban to return late you can discuss an issue of your fears of its safety with the child.
Desire to be a friend to the child
One more aspect of hyper guardianship of the child is desire to it to be constant the best friend. In extreme expression such desire leads to the fact that parents do not leave the right of the child for private life They want to know about each trifle. But focus of attention of teenagers is transferred from parents to peers. In their life the true friendship and the first love appears. Allow your child to have intimate (that is very personal) experiences. Never read without the permission the personal diary of the child. Just let it know that in case of need he can always address you. Do not stick to it with councils. The main thing - you trust the child. You long time put forces in his education, but time to look at result comes from a certain moment: as your child will independently walk on life. Allow it to be mistaken and get the life experience. The person able to overcome difficulties independently is better adapted for life, than for what always and everything parents solved.