How to change behavior of the child

How to change behavior of the child

When parents ask for the help psychologists, neurologists, psychiatrists, often they want the doctor or the expert to change the child. This such desire (unconscious is more often after all) that the doctor gave a magic tablet, and the child became obedient, or pressed the button somewhere on the child that that wanted to study at school or ceased to fight. Whether so everything is simple actually? It is obvious what is not present. The child - a part of the family system that needs to be considered, intending to change his behavior.

The fact of the address to experts is already a step in the necessary direction for positive changes. But most of parents, coming to consultation with the expert, absolutely forget that the child - a part of a system under the name family. The child is younger, the influence of this system on it is stronger.

The child grows not in the wild forest (if it is after all about average family, but not family of the huntsman). It grows in an environment of the family. Therefore he adopts family values, develops the ways and mechanisms of interaction with this system. As well as in any other system, in family it is extremely difficult to change one element, without influencing others.

Here also it turns out that the child to the psychologist for months (and even years) concerning hyperactivity goes, for example; and becomes quieter not. What's the reason? There can be also a psychologist not really good. But if you already replaced many psychologists, and there is no result all the same? And the reason is that an environment, family force the child to react to situations habitually.

To change behavior, to influence experiences of the child, first of all members of his family have to change the behavior. It concerns not only parents, and all who closely contact to the child. The new behavior of an environment will force mentality of the child to look for new ways of reaction. Here already it is also possible to teach the child to new behavior, to cure its phobias, etc. Any classes with the psychologist will not have any effect until the family of the child begins to change too.

Begin with yourself: you are more adult and it is cleverer than the child, is more skilled than him. Then why not to cease to demand that he began to change, and to change the attitude to a situation, ways of interaction with the child. How you acted before, resulted you in unsatisfactory result.

It is not necessary to regard as of paramount importance the child and to blame him always for all sins. Perhaps, you somewhere set a bad example or forced it to arrive in a certain way. For example, accusing the child of lies, remember how often you lie on trifles? Well did not pay for journey, time the controller did not notice; or told in the morning by phone to the boss that already you drive up to office, and you have only still breakfast. Trifles, truth? But, so you allow a lie in the family. Why then to accuse of it the child? For him a trifle - to tell lies that he made lessons. Or other example: you demand respect for yourself as to parents. But at the same time you have awful relations with the parents.

The child - a difficult organism and a part of a system under the name family. If you want to change his behavior, be ready to change. Be ready to change the relations not only with the child, but also with other family members. It is much more difficult, than it seems at first sight. But bears the useful fruits. It is much simpler to push the child into the psychologist's office with words: ""Make something with it!"" Only the result will be too much less if at all will be.

Author: «MirrorInfo» Dream Team