Children, since about two years, strive for independence. In pedagogics even the first crisis of the child is called crisis of independence. "I am!" - the stubborn kid demands, and sometimes discomposes the obstinacy of parents and all people around. And a completely different picture at parents of teenagers – these mothers and fathers would be glad if their children were more independently, but only children do not wish to do any chores, and is frequent and school actions are not necessary to them. Why for several years the aspiration to independence is lost? In many respects it occurs because of parents. It is necessary to make efforts for that the child became independent. And it is necessary to work in the following direction.
Instruction
1. If the child seeks to help you, allow it to help. Let then it is necessary to wash up behind it a floor and ware. But, allowing children to participate in adulthood, you not only make a contribution to its development, but also do not cultivate in it indifference. If to refuse to the child of 10-20 times, on 21 times he will not begin to ask to participate in house cleaning any more. Moreover, it will be almost impossible to involve it in household chores. And therefore, if you want, being teenagers, your children to help to prepare, to wash the floors and the dishes, it is necessary to dust and erase, attract to chores them since early childhood.
2. According to Vygotsky's theory which is confirmed with long-term researches, the child acquires only what did together with parents. The child in itself is not able to gain knowledge. In the beginning he does something with adults, one learns to do then it. To teach something the child, it is important to suggest him to make at first it together, and then to step aside gradually.
3. It is very important to choose the right time to entrust the child to do some serious work independently. There are two dangers – to make it too early and, on the contrary, too late. That is when the child is not ready to cope yet one or when he is ready for a long time, but do not trust him, the moment is missed, and the aspiration of the child to independence also vanishes. Not to make a mistake, it is important to adult to work gradually. It is necessary to reduce control not at once, and gradually.
4. If the child is busy with any business and does not ask about the help (even if something is impossible to it), it is not necessary to disturb it. The non-interference you kind of will tell: "I believe that at you everything will turn out!" But if the child asks about the help, it is necessary to come to the rescue. But without having discharged the child of business, and with the offer: "And give together!"
5. The saying is well-known that the one who does nothing is not mistaken. And the child, of course, is mistaken and more than once. If something is impossible, children are upset. And even more they are upset and refuse further actions if they are reproached and criticized by adults. It does not mean at all that the child does not need to point to mistakes. But to everything there has to be time. First, it is necessary to discuss mistakes in a quiet situation, but not at the moment when something did not turn out. It is possible to tell, backdating. Secondly, discussion has to take place from a position "what useful can be taken out from the event and how to arrive next time". And, thirdly, having scolded the child once, further him it is necessary to praise five times. Not at once, as he a praise will deserve. But until the proportion five to one is observed, the following criticism should not be.
6. At home it is possible to create the special table (and to issue it together with the child) with three columns. In the first column write down all those affairs which the child can independently do. Affairs which the child can partially do let will be listed in the second column. List in the third column what the child can do only together with adults. Periodically check this table with children and discuss what affairs can already be transferred from one column to another and what for the present are not present.