Adoption - an important step to lives of each family. Perhaps, even more important, than birth of the blood child. But the subject of adoption is quite intimate that inevitably generates the distorted ideas of it.
Everyone who for the first time thinks of adoption in relation to himself already has certain notions of this phenomenon. Sources of this information can be absolutely different. But specifics of a subject of adoption - its associativity to a secret, carefully guarded the state and families. And it inevitably leads to distortion and incompleteness of information. Even official sources sometimes lie... The purpose of this article is to dilute runetovsky conjectures and fictions about adoption with the accurate information based on personal experience and experience of my ""colleagues"".
Myth 1. Orphanages are hammered by the children waiting so far for them will adopt.
No. All absolutely not so. First, the child has to have a defined ""legal status"". Not all children can be adopted in principle. Further the circle is even more narrowed by criteria of health. Extremely seldom rather healthy children get to a system. And even those kids who remarkably look on усыновите.ру, most likely, have the long list of diagnoses.
Myth 2. The medical data specified in the questionnaire of the child are true.
No, do not correspond. There is an opportunity to show the child of the independent commission - show. You will know at least the real situation. Be ready to treat a fungus, worms, a scab and other delights of joint life of group of people in the absence of good hygiene. Here it is necessary to tell a little in justification of system institutions. Children get to institutions, as a rule, not from sterile conditions. And quarantine terms for treatment, for example, are obviously not enough fungus of foot. If even in establishment there are conditions for a quarantine... And load of each worker in principle does not allow to pay due attention to each kid. So health - one of the most sore points in adoption...
Myth 3. The only desire - to make happy the child has to be motive of adoption.
No. Desire to make happy itself - desire to start a full family which for some reason is not enough for you for happiness has to be motive of adoption. And only then - ""to make happy"" the child. At the same time not the essence is important coloring of your motive - a responsible approach to your decision is important.
Myth 4.... also happiness will be everything.
No, any ""shchastya"" on an exit from the courthouse to you it does not happen. Unless simplification that all legal peripetias terminated. Strangely enough, after adoption of problems it is only added. You are waited by the long and difficult period of adaptation. Spit the grant promising completion of adaptation in half a year. Rare lucky persons meet this minimum deadline. To you it will be difficult. Even in the presence of five blood children and three adopted - the fourth adopted child will find, than to surprise you. Of course, happiness after all will be. When you learn to be happy.
Myth 5. ""They also loved it as native...""
No. Especially if there are blood children. Love in general piece rare. Most likely, you will always treat the child differently, than blood children. But it differently - does not mean ""badly"". Simply differently. The love can not appear at all. But we not always and blood relatives love, unless is not present? And it does not prevent us to empathize and care for them sincerely. So you should not demand from yourself impossible.
Myth 6. ""In a year became as all children, and you will not tell that from a system"".
No. Abandonment consequences parents remain for the rest of life. The less child stayed in a system, the earlier there was ""change"" of family - the less consequences. But your child will never become the same as successful family children. The truth the number of incomplete families and crash of institute of the family relations does this difference less noticeable. But consequences will be, and it is worth to remember about it. They can be shown in the most unexpected way on the ordinariest irritants. And even many years later... And here we approach other dangerous myth...
Myth 7. ""Because of bad heredity it will become the alcoholic, the addict or what other asocial personality"".
No. An issue of influence of heredity on social behavior - one of the most disputable in science... Yes, the child inherited from unsuccessful parents temperament, physiological features, including features of the central nervous system. It will be less curious owing to the uneasiness that it will affect, of course, development. But it is absolutely optional to grow to it the alcoholic. After all the culture of the consumption of strong drinks is formed Wednesday. As well as many other things... Here it is difficult to provide statistics. Families with a safe result, as a rule, do not advertize the adoption fact on public.
Instead of the conclusion. This article – absolutely small piece of my opening and opening of other adoptive parents stated in personal contact. Did not speak to none of us about it at schools for foster parents. But unless only partially – about sedbmy the myth. And, that you solved, having read this article, good luck to you and happiness!