To many parents happens very difficult to accept the fact that the teenager is not the small child he has the opinion, the outlook on life. Attempts of excessive control, the increased guardianship at such age can cause extremely negative consequences.
Desire of total control over the child and his life can be result of personal internal alarms and fears of parents. Other reason – control acts the certain guardianship perverted by a form and care. In certain cases the increased control can be appropriate, a lot of things depend on a context of circumstances. However, when it comes to monitoring life of the teenager, the scenario of development of further events can be unpredictable. There are two critical options of a result of the parental control which is present at the teenager's life. And both of them have rather negative light.
The teenager feels already adult and in many respects as the created personality. This is not the child who has no own opinion or a view of any situations. At teenage age of people learns to communicate with absolutely different people, looks for himself, meets numerous difficulties which for parents can seem something silly, for the teenager to have serious weight. At this age the grown-up child demands more freedom. He wants parents to recognize its rights and allowed to make decisions. At the same time in rare instances the teenager is negatively ready to the father and mother if parents do not behave in relation to him in an unseemly way. What can the attempt of total parental control over the teenager turn back?
The first result: the revolting child
Control, guardianship and special attention to life – especially personal, private – the teenager can turn back a serious problem when the teenager since childhood has rather strong, stubborn or even rebellious character. If such child faces attempts of strict education and total monitoring each its step, he will begin to perceive parents as enemies. All parental words will be regarded as desire to do much harm. Teenagers with difficult character especially need providing certain freedom to them, however they need also attention of parents, but not persuasive and not in the form of rigid education.
If the teenager begins to feel that mom and dad try to control each his step, not just give advice, and insist and impose the opinion, the child will begin to act "by contradiction". He will begin to satisfy requests, having turned everything upside down. Desire of a protest is a typical line for teenage age. If parents independently create certain "enemy conditions", the teenager will cease to try to control himself.
The revolt and internal protest against guardianship and control can bring in teenage age:
- to falling of progress at school;
- to the constant conflicts in family;
- to strange, dangerous or suspicious hobbies of the teenager;
- to the doubtful companies and friends;
- in especially extreme cases everything can turn back disorderly conduct, addiction to drinking and cigarettes at teenage age;
- to isolation, reserve of the child;
- to loss of trust of the teenager in relation to parents and so on.
The result of total control in the context of such situation in many respects depends on circumstances which surround the teenager, from a warehouse of his personality and those examples which he sees before with own eyes. At teenage age children are inclined to choose to themselves idols, to be leveled on any people. In certain cases idols and authoritative persons can be not positive characters.
You should not forget also that can brightly have an effect on teenage age possible to a psychopathia, accentuation of character reveal, besides, more brightly. The teenager badly controls the thoughts, badly filters what speaks, and hardly operates emotions. He can not wish to do much harm, but in the heat of passion, excessive rage, aggression or offense at parents the teenager is capable to behave inadequately, to become the provoker for the strong conflict.
The second result: dependent personality
The second option of negative succession of events against the background of total control and excessive guardianship of parents over the teenager looks so that the child gradually turns into completely hammered, the closed and lost person. Wishing to protect the child from the world, controlling and checking each step of the child, parents unconsciously cultivate in it total uncertainty, ruin the child's self-assessment, influence negatively development of independence.
Children who since childhood differed in gentle disposition, at whom such line as the sheet dominates, are more inclined "to cave in" under control of parents. If at such grown-up child mother or the father differs in authoritative character, then the situation will be aggravated many times over. Such teenagers, even having huge internal desire, are not capable to fight back. To them easier submissively to accept all that is told by parents, to hide in itself offense, fear and other feelings, to keep silent.
Excessively controlling the teenager who does not differ in strong-willed character, it is possible to achieve that the child will always be near. He will be obedient and silent, will not contact the bad company, will actively try to study and bring only good marks. However for personal development of the teenager such situation plays minus.
What can lead the similar scenario of succession of events to:
- the child will become a derelict in school collective, it will be difficult to it to interact with schoolmates and teachers;
- the teenager will be absolutely dependent, he will transfer adoption of any decision to hands of parents, at more adult age such trait of character very much will negatively affect life in general;
- the isolation, withdrawal and the world will become a basis of life of the teenager, at the same time in him the negative emotions and experiences directed to the address of parents will accumulate, however it is simple to state claims such child will not be able;
- constant control and pressure, excessive guardianship can provoke various psychosomatic diseases at teenage age, beginning from constant headaches and finishing with various complications even after banal cold;
- many typical teenage subjects can pass by, however in the future again return to life already of the adult, and it not always is appropriate and can not always entail positive result;
- as a rule, teenagers who were very strongly sponsored and controlled by parents, getting already to adulthood, become "tearaways", have a ball; at such people the tendency to risk is very increased, at the same time they are not taught to be responsible for the actions and acts.
Trying to remain friends with the grown-up child, parents need not to go too far. To give more freedom to the child happens extremely hard, however it is necessary. Otherwise the result of total control over the teenager can lead to unpleasant consequences including for development of the child.