The tactfulness is an ability not only to behave according to the standard rules of decency, moral standards, but also not to allow situations which can be unpleasant, burdensome or offensive for other people.
What main signs of tactfulness
The tactful person will not be importunate, inconsiderate. He will not embarrass other person even if has the high status. Therefore it is easy and pleasant to communicate with it. To some extent, the tactfulness is a synonym of politeness. The tactful person, first of all, does not cause inconvenience to other people. Before coming on a visit even to close friends, he will surely take an interest whether they are free at this time, whether the visit will overset it their plans. Having appeared in the unfamiliar company, he will not begin to examine inconsiderately people or to ask them too frank questions (for example how many they earn). The tactful person will not argue on things, it is not enough acquaintances to his interlocutors or uninteresting to them.
Even if he speaks on the subject familiar and interesting to interlocutors, then will try not to tighten the speech not to tire listeners.
Sense of proportion and taste is familiar to the tactful person. He understands that it is admissible at communication with any given people and that is not present about what it is possible to joke and about what it is undesirable.
The tactfulness also means readiness to come to the rescue, but at the same time not to be too persistent, especially importunate. The tactful person willingly will give a good advice, but usually only after ask his opinions. He reluctantly criticizes other people, especially – for eyes. The tactful person tries to solve the difficulties, problems by own forces, and asks for the help others only in exceptional cases when he cannot independently cope. In a talk, disputes he abstains from categorical expressions, aggressive and command tone.
The tactful person, having even been sure absolutely of the correctness, prefers to use words like "if I am not mistaken", or "it seems to me that".
Tactfulness – the congenital or acquired quality?
Perhaps, the tactfulness is to some extent transferred to the person at the genetic level. Otherwise it is difficult to explain why some people literally instinctively feel and understand how it is necessary to behave in the best way in any given situation what words to tell, etc. But even the person who is not differing in special tactfulness, good breeding, if desired and persistence can change to the best. For this purpose it is necessary to learn to understand people, to empathize them, to support them. It is very useful to consider the behavior kind of "from outside", putting itself to the place of other person, thereby taking a certain test.