The teenager became uncontrollable. What to do to parents?
Understand the child
Essence of the teenage period – not only psychological, but also hormonal reorganization. All this causes absolutely special psychoemotional condition of the teenager. The teenager himself also sometimes does not understand what happens to him. He did not learn to realize the feelings yet and to control the emotions. And on it also maximum loads "are imposed" – at school, in the yard, in family. From here – sharp and causeless differences of mood, the increased impulsiveness.
The teenager tries to ego-trip, and on the soil constantly clashes with people around – both adults, and peers. However he is not able to leave correctly the conflict yet, to behave in a disputable situation. And it has nobody to teach except parents who have to become an example and show constructive behavior model, to become the adviser and to support the child during the difficult teenage period. And shouts, punishments, threats will not help – on the contrary will only aggravate a situation of a teenage revolt.
Understand in what the reason
The teenage revolt and uncontrollability always has certain reasons. For parents such behavior has to be apprehended as a disturbing call. But calling not for strengthening control, to punish and take in hand the child who got out of hand. It is a signal of psychological trouble and problems in yours with it relationship. The teenage revolt does not arise without cause. If to teenage age cordial trusting relationship with parents was established, he leads life, full and interesting to him (not only "the interests of family" but also the, sometimes "strange" interests), is surrounded by friends, then having stepped over a threshold of awkward age, he will meet both difficulties and with the conflicts, but always awaking the nobility that it will be accepted by parents it what is. And therefore there are no reasons for uncontrollability and break in relations with parents just!
Another matter if in education extremes prevailed. Excessive guardianship and care of the child, as well as the atmosphere of severity and the bans lead to what enters teenage age, the person already and with the distorted self-assessment. In the first case it is overestimated, and in the second, as a rule, is underestimated. That is, accusing the child of "inadequacy" it turns out that parents "cultivated" such inadequacy. And as psychological reorganization of the teenager is directly connected by formation of its identity and a self-assessment, all problems which collected in this sphere at the introduction in critical age will have an effect.
Principle "trust for trust"
Thus, uncontrollable are those teenagers who do not feel trust from adults or experience the nursed grievance at "treachery" of relatives. Without feeling support from relatives, feeling threat for the inner world, formation of identity, the teenager tries to be protected. Also the best protection - attack" behaves by the principle ". It does it, of course, unconsciously, not on the evil. Simply, in a different way he was not taught. Therefore the most important in communication with the teenager – not to lose mutual trust, everyone has to take a step on a meeting - both the teenager, and parents. The principle from which it is necessary to proceed "trust for trust"!
Informal conversation
Informal conversation, search of a common ground with already almost adult child, sincerely to understand aspiration it will help to find the problem reason. If learn to listen and hear the child, then do not ignore his requirement, do not push away misunderstanding and punishments. Let to the teenager know support and love, having believed them the teenager it is essential to change, will find faith in you and in itself, so and will become quieter, reserved.
Help of the expert
If independently it is impossible to cope with a problem, the contact with the teenager is lost, address the teenage psychologist. He surely will help to find the right decision and a way to restoration of mutual trust and "weathers in the house"!