Women often do not know what to tell children in a situation when the man leaves family. Some are afraid to injure the child, others cannot be at proper words, the third because of offense silently delete the husband from the and children's life. Actually it is necessary to tell to children the truth as they understand a lot of things, but demand clarity and exact definition of the taken place event.
Basic rules
Psychologists claim that the child has to know that the father left family as secrets, half-words and a charged atmosphere around, are the great soil for emergence of many children's fears and imaginations. The conversation three together will become an ideal exit – when mother and the father quietly explain to the child an events essence, without turning a conversation into another conflict. Thus, a fundamental obligation of parents in this situation is the help to the child in experience and understanding of their divorce.
It is not necessary to look for extensive and difficult explanations – they can frighten and puzzle the child only.
If there is no father nearby, mother should not blacken him in children's eyes at all, speaking about him with contempt and hatred. Turns "are strictly forbidden dad threw us", "dad betrayed us" and so on – as a result of similar explanations the child can shift fault for leaving of the father to himself and suffer it until the end of life. It is necessary to explain patiently that, despite the incident, the child is all the same loved and will care for it. If the left husband tore all contacts with family, it is necessary to inform the child that it happens and adults are sometimes forced to leave owing to any given circumstances. At the same time it is necessary to answer all children's questions even if they repeatedly repeat – so the child will be able to cope with alarm and uncertainty.
Additional nuances
The amount of information about leaving of the husband has to depend on age of the child – than he is younger, those can tell him less. More adult children in such situation can behave more emotionally therefore it is necessary to support, express them the regret and by all means to emphasize that together it is possible to cope with the incident. Also it is necessary to remember that it is necessary to report about leaving of the husband to the child only in case of acceptance of the final decision – otherwise the come-back father will cause a cognitive dissonance in the child and will finally confuse that. Very important at a conversation with the child to watch the emotional state and to keep the maximum calm – tears and hysterics will only frighten him. If the husband is only going to leave, it is desirable to report about it to the child several months-weeks prior to a divorce (only in a quiet situation). To prepare it for leaving, it is possible to say that the father goes to a long business trip or will work far from the house. It will help the child to get used and reconcile to absence of the father without special emotional shocks.