"What we have – we do not store, having lost – we cry", – the known proverb says. It is especially fair in relation to those feelings which people after the death of relatives and friends have.
Presence at a funeral quite often causes not only grief, but also surprise. On this sad action it is possible to meet people concerning whom nobody suspected that they knew and loved the dead. There is an impression that after the death of the person begin to appreciate more, than during lifetime. However, the friends and acquaintances communicating with the dead constantly, and sometimes even relatives, living together with him have similar feelings – they suddenly realize as the one whom they lost was dear to them.
Merits and demerits
Each personality has certain advantages. But there are no people who are completely deprived of shortcomings therefore in communication with any, even with the loved one inevitably there are unpleasant moments. It irritates people, creates discomfort.
Advantages do not cause rejection – opposite, they create a comfortable situation for people around therefore they are perceived as due. People are not inclined to pay attention to those qualities of the relatives and friends who are convenient for them. When the person dies, there is no irritating moment left, but there is no those pleasant quality left which he possessed also, and relatives got used to their manifestations. There is an emptiness which will irritate and hurt – "suddenly" it turns out that with the father, the brother or the friend it was good, and now so will not be. For example, someone can get used that the colleague always prepares for him a workplace, and will perceive it as due, without noticing, but at the same time will surely pay attention to its any unpleasant habit. But after the funeral of the neighbor in an office he will come to work and will find out that the workplace is not ready … Not always "the feeling of emptiness" is such pragmatic, but it always accompanies loss of the relative, friend and even acquaintance.
Protective mechanism of memory
Holds in remembrance an image of the dead which it is not accidentally accepted to call "light". The human mentality possesses a number of protective mechanisms, one of which – blocking of the memoirs causing negative emotions. When people remember the died relatives, memory "throws" generally good points. For this reason the son does not remember how he quarreled with mother – he remembers how she caressed it in the childhood as she cared for it. Thanks to blocking of negative memories of the dead and remembering of mainly pleasant episodes from the past of people begins to appreciate the dead more, than during lifetime.