The sister asked you to look for the child, the girlfriend calls you every evening, and you listen to her senseless jokes, the companion on college systematically "loads" you with the task, and the friend looks for work and constantly asks "to strive" for it at your boss? Familiar situations? "No" - such simple word which, nevertheless, is much more difficult for telling, than: "of course, with pleasure I will help!". How many times did you speak "yes", agreeing to make what absolutely is not necessary and uninteresting to you? How many was situations in which you had to refuse, but did not make it because of sense of responsibility before others? Tell honestly, to tell "yes" was the best decision?
Those who want to place correctly priorities have to get rid of unnecessary duties first of all. It is necessary to learn to speak "no" in such situations when others impose you something that is not entered in your plans in any way. It is worth establishing borders to keep personal space, the purposes and values. Otherwise you will be soon overloaded with duties which assigned to themselves. Be selective in what you are ready to make for others.
"Stop", - will you tell, - "you speak to me to refuse to the friends and to behave is cold indifferent in relation to them?!". "No", - I will answer, - "I only suggest you not to speak infinite "yes" on the noncritical requests assigning the mass of unnecessary duties to your shoulders".
Certainly, the people ready to help out and help with any situation is an invaluable treasure presently, but there have to be borders. Moreover, often happens so that friends at all also do not appreciate your readiness to lend a hand to them in due time. If you can sit with the child evening, or talk to the chief concerning the friend – it is excellent, you thus will show the attachment and readiness to help. However if you cannot make it owing to any circumstances – be not afraid to speak "no".
In our society there was a stereotypic fear to fall into disgrace of people around, having refused to help them. The only way to avoid disapproval is to bring to them the refusal in the most effective way. There are several councils for those who wish to master such equipment:
- Do not accompany the "no" with lame and unrealistic excuses. Find to the answer a rational and full explanation.
- Not to speak sometimes truly "no" directly, and in other verbal way to express to the interlocutor the refusal. Though if you know that that can be very much persistent, direct and not the subject to discussion "no" can become the only decision. Moreover, even more direct sometimes is necessary, even slightly aggressive "no".
- Use logical explanations your negative answer. Let know that you have more important issues. You speak accurately and convincingly, looking to the interlocutor in the face. Be polite and honest. The best ways to begin a phrase with refusal: "Sorry, but is forced to refuse …", or "Would like to help you, but …".
- Do not perceive the refusal as a reason for other people to accuse you. "No" is an honest answer. You, and only you are an owner of the time, and only to you to solve how to them to dispose. You learn to speak "no" and to hear "no". However, both "no", and "yes" can add respect to you in the opinion of the interlocutor. The main thing is to understand that it "no" does not do of your interlocutor of the enemy.
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