Joy and pleasure from communication with the partner were replaced by mutual offenses and irritation? Relationship instead of a source of inspiration became a burden? All this sure signs of the fact that in the relations basic requirements are not satisfied. The daily attention to desires and expectations of the partner in life will help to correct a situation.
At the beginning of the relations …
When the relations of the man and the woman only begin to develop, apparently, that for happiness it is necessary to be nearby only all the time. Lovers, spending time together, make concessions and compromises, wishing to make pleasant to the second half. But gradually euphoria of love passes. Also it turns out that to be together is a difficult work. It becomes clear that the partner has ideas of how the relations in couple have to develop. The man and the woman know what is wanted from joint pastime, know that he in behavior of other person makes them happy. Also anticipate this happiness, hoping for what the second person of their expectation will justify.
The strong base of forming of the happy relations is the satisfaction of basic needs of each other. Only in this case perhaps harmonious partnership, respect and love.
4 basic needs for the relations
Despite all features of men's and female mentality, on difference in perception of surrounding reality by them, basic needs of men and women which have to be satisfied in the relations coincide.
1 requirement – acceptance.
Entering the relations, the man and the woman have, as a rule, a certain life experience. They already created outlook, the view of the events which are taking place around, criteria of estimation of actions of people around. Personal features of character and temperament, appearance, a habit and weakness are added to it.
Need of the person for its acceptance by it what he is is one of basic requirements. And fear not to be accepted – one of the strongest fears. When one of partners feels that he is accepted with all merits and demerits, he is ready to show understanding too and to express the love. At the same time satellites do not consider as each other ideal. Satisfying the need for acceptance, they have an opportunity to self-improve, becoming better and meeting expectations of the partner. Feeling full acceptance, the person has an opportunity not to feel fears at communication with the partner, can show all depth and the power of the love, tests confidence in the uniqueness.
Accepting the second half with its pluses and minuses, it is worth remembering also approval. Partners have to feel that their thoughts and acts are accepted and approved. It is a powerful incentive of desire to put in the relations as much as possible moral and physical forces.
If the need for acceptance is not satisfied, the man and the woman constantly speak about visible shortcomings, sound mutual reproaches, the relations fall in the eyes. Both feel the guilt, lose faith in own appeal and begin to show aggression and rage. Relationship at the same time comes to a standstill.
2 requirement – physical contact.
Two who are in the happy relations feel need for physical contact. They express the love and tenderness through embraces, kisses, touches and sex.
For maintaining psychological health the person in day needs about 20 embraces. The loving people provide realization of this need of each other without thinking.
And here bases of sexual inclination at men and women different. The marriage therapist Aaron Andersen notes that the man by means of sex expresses the love. And the woman to want sex, has to feel that she is appreciated. It is very important to it to know that intimate relations for the partner are not only sex, but also desire to express the love thus. Feeling of emotional connection, attention to desires of each other, the aspiration to present sexual pleasure – here components of this requirement. If it is not realized, then there is desire to receive all necessary with other partner. Such behavior leads to the internal and external conflicts and, further, to break in relations.
3 requirement – communication.
Communication is important only for the woman - it is the developed stereotype. Two need it. Difference only that the partner wants to communicate, discussing different issues. And communication at joint activity is the most attractive to the partner. For it process of communication, and is important for it – result. Knowing these features, it is easy to construct the relations so that it was comfortable to both. Realization of need for communication, expression of various emotions, discussion of the fact that it seems important - a basis of close emotional attachment.
In sincere communication the trust and respect in couple is shown. Partners have an opportunity to reveal more stoutly in the emotional plan, without being afraid to be misunderstood and not accepted. At such relationship of feeling get stronger, and desire to realize the need for communication with someone another does not arise.
4 requirement – care and caress.
This requirement consists as in need most to receive care and caress, and in the aspiration to care for the partner. At the same time satellites, paying each other attention, prove importance of the relations. Satisfying this requirement, showing the maximum attention to trifles, doing life of another is more comfortable, also own need to care for the neighbor is implemented.
Why it is necessary?
The person feels favourite and happy, having an opportunity to satisfy basic psychological and physiological requirements, being in the relations with one permanent partner. Hearts and souls at the same time unite, two feel as a whole. Life in love and harmony, self-confidence and the partner are those values which need to be protected. Such relations have the future. They need to be stored and developed.