Often people confuse love with attachment, build the relations, and as a result suffer or hurt the elect. The relations can be strong and long, but can always crack for any reason. If quarrels, misunderstanding became more frequent, there was unfaithfulness, then it is necessary to try to analyze a situation. Perhaps, problems with health begin, the concern after another skirmish increases and remains throughout long time. Even the usual evening spent together leaves a strange deposit. In this case the relations became "toxic".
There are banal disagreements, disputes, but it is normal if both seek to understand each other and to go on compromises. But it happens so that there is a feeling that something not so, but it is impossible to explain the reason even to himself.
It is impossible to adapt infinitely
People confuse love with "manyachny" care though actually it that and is not. A frequent situation — manipulation of the partner. The most important is to understand in time that it will not lead to anything, perhaps, you just do not approach to each other. The "toxic" relations force to feel the person unfortunate, make the life miserable. Problems at work can begin, in family and just the immunity against the background of a frequent stress decreases. The person even begins to get used to it and to think what everything be all right: "Something can with me not so? I will adapt". Just present that it is necessary to adapt all life, and the probability to lose identity and to feel eternally ill at ease increases. Whether life it? Yes, many families so live and consider it norm, but often they just are afraid to admit to themselves that the relations should be stopped, without being afraid to remain one.
9 main signs of the "toxic" relations
"Victim and abuser"
Often people with initially low self-assessment fall a victim, it seems to them that they constantly for everything are blamed. They want to prove the return, suffer and fall into a sad state. An excellent target for the tyrant. Having learned about a weak point, abusers begin to wound often the victim, with the purpose to feel "above", to force another to feel absolutely insignificant. As a result the victim even becomes dependent on the abuser: understands that to her it is bad, but as if sits "on a hook".
Happens and so that the strongest partner begins to represent the victim to manipulate over another. Result: jealousy, explosive emotions, offenses, permanent cares and returns. The most popular: "I cannot live without you!". But at the same time the situation accepts cyclic character, it is also possible to call it "an emotional swing".
Lack of dialogue
"Your problems, you also solve". Of course, if one partner had a problem, then he has to concentrate on its decision, but the point is that the relations are a collaboration and the help of both people. If the fact that to you there is something bad is indifferent for the partner whether of the relation it? For example, it is important to one to talk on emotionally significant subject, and another either is closed, or transfers a conversation to other course. People come to a circle of emotional prosecution. More disturbing, interested, emotional partner tries to come into contact, looks for ways of interaction, and another, avoiding, leaves. Also the situation is very similar to manipulation. The inability to speak in the relations, most likely, as a result will affect badly.
Lack of plans. Different purposes
It happens so that one partner does not want to look in the joint future. Everything suits it: somewhere to move, he does not wish to do something. And another lives in expectation, belief that else half of year and the relation will be passed to a new stage. Creation of family, moving, a travel, even acquaintance to parents and that is postponed. It is very useful in the relations at the initial stages to place all points over "i". It is reasonable as it is better to understand that you do not suit one another now, than in 5 years of disagreements and quarrels because of a discrepancy of expectations. Because there is a strong investment of emotions, time, forces to the relations, change of the values, a way of life, and as a result it will turn out that all for nothing. Promises are not acts. You can give temporary restrictions to understand, you need it it or not: if within a year the situation does not change, it will be necessary for to solve, it is worth connecting life with the person or not.
Criticism
It happens so that one partner because of diffidence or education considers that normally to banter and sneer at another, but also to reproach. Another if does not treat it with humour, can just fall into an anxiety disorder. As a result will begin to lose self-confidence because of such relation.
Patience
The patience of job definitely does not bring to good: sooner or later the person will just explode from the collected and suppressed emotions.
If one feels that constantly something suffers, adapts that it was better for another. Remember — there is no purpose for the sake of which it is necessary to suffer something in the relations. There are difficult periods, problems with health, at work. But it is constant and because of trifles is in a condition of tension it is impossible.
I want to change the partner
It is possible to assume that one partner constantly drinks, smokes, leads a pernicious life. Another decides to take business in hand and to change it. Business a priori rotten. Nobody at conscious age will change cardinally any more if only there is no powerful reason i.e. if does not want. Always it is possible to discuss what is not pleasant, to begin dialogue, to look how the partner will react and whether to go on a meeting. It is not necessary to change anybody, it is possible to try to change. But you should not forget that it has to be mutual, within the admissible borders.
Lack of feeling of proximity
How does love occur? Here we meet the person, he begins to us it is pleasant, hormones as drug, go to the head. Everything is pleasant in the partner: as he costs and looks out of the window as he puts on as he speaks. But about a year later hormones cease, and we understand what connects us with the person. In this case it is very important to pay attention to feeling of proximity. It is not a habit to be near, namely internal feeling that one can be understood by another, nearby is comfortably and safely. All need support, but if it is absent in any, not only a difficult situation, then it can speak about disappearance of emotional proximity. Present that after the unlucky working day the partner, understanding that to you it is bad, decides to make a dinner, to give simply to have a rest. But does not force to stand, despite of everything, at a plate and still subsequently sorts out the relations about duties. Of course, they are, but also understanding of other person as in the future it is possible to appear on his place is important. Here it was talked as well of care.
The blackmail directed to emotions
Manipulation. Threats in the address that if one does not arrive as to it order, then it will be thrown. Do you think, this health behavior in the relations? The answer is obvious. "If you do not want to spend with me 24 hours a day, you do not respect our relations". When the person appears under the influence of the manipulator, he can adequately cease to look at a situation, begins to listen to reproaches. And as a result to consider that it is worth adapting to prove love. You should not prove it thus. If similar situations occur more often, most likely, the relations are doomed. You speak with the partner, he becomes should not a wall, otherwise nothing will leave.
Jealousy
There is nothing awful in jealousy if these cases are rare and single. Often people feel uncertain, doubt. But if the renovnost penetrates the relations, one as if becomes the owner of another, then nothing good is obvious from this will leave. The lack of confidence can also serve as an indicator that the partner himself made treason.
Conclusion
Actually, the brain, heart, mind speak to the person when it is necessary to leave. To constantly change itself, the partner, to adapt, suffer, feel small — not a normal situation. Of course, there is no condition of constant happiness, but the partner has to do another more happily and mutually. If one begins to feel worse, the most terrible — gets used to it, then the situation should be corrected. You should not panic: it happens very often. The self-assessment, past experience, not understanding of what is necessary actually influences. But you should not suffer because of the relations even if there are feelings.