As families collapse

As families collapse

People meet, fall in love, build the relations. But at some stage everything went wrong, and here the family liner is wrecked. Whether it is possible to save marriage? How and when the family collapses? And, the main thing what to do?

The beginning of the relations and the first months of joint life are followed by love euphoria. Partners are ready at each other, are sensitive, compliance. And here to begin to build the strong base of future family. Here only many rely on destiny that the relations will construct themselves, and it is not necessary to work on them. And why, and so everything is good?

But already with the first difficulties the love fog begins to dissipate, and idyll appears under the threat. Small household squabbles, mutual offenses and reproaches, undermine the family boat constantly. Marriage falls gradually, imperceptibly taking place several destructive stages. And if not to break a situation on one of them, then the joint happy future at couple will not be.

This stage still differently is called "grinding in". At everyone the habits, education, the relation to an order and money. Family roles, duties are distributed. At this stage there are doubts in the partner and own choice, discontent with each other.

If couple has enough understanding, then they begin to go each other on a meeting, to try to restore that idyll which was at the beginning of the relations. And it is the best scenario of development. Other couples are preferred to be left everything as it is, continuing to save in themselves offenses and irritation.

And the worst option – spouses run up in search of the best destiny. Here only initial problems remain and are favorably transferred to new family. And therefore the risk of repetition of the scenario is high.

The wife ceases to see an ideal in the spouse, does not feel a support and protection, and therefore begins to look for her in someone another. For example, it can be the father, naturally, his improved version, the brother, the former boyfriend, the chief. It seems to it that this thought-up ideal would make her really happy. And it is closed from the husband, separates.

The man very thinly feels these changes. For the present he cannot precisely formulate the feelings, does not understand that it is necessary for this woman. In exchange he broadcasts aggression and irritation that only everything aggravates. The relations lose openness and depth.

The only way to change a situation is to begin to talk. Not to be afraid to speak about own offenses, but not as a claim, experiences, expectations and fears. To speak openly and honestly, to learn to be flexible.

The man will never invest financially and emotionally in foreign woman. If from the wife the rejection, rejection is felt, constant comparisons with other man are heard, then she stops being native and close.

The man becomes greedy. In reply the wife begins to lie. At first in trifles, keeping back something or slightly underestimating, then at all ""pumps over"" a mastestvo of double-entry bookkeeping. It provokes the man to even big avarice, each kopek is taken under personal control. In reply the woman becomes even more resourceful.

How to get out of this situation? To begin to talk besides. Openly, it is kind of unpleasant was. And it is obligatory to thank for what already is or it is made. The sincere gratitude will be all fine that is in the person, and induces to be even better, to try to obtain bigger, to try for the partner.

If the situation develops according to the unhappy scenario, then scandals are provoked further. Not just quarrels, namely ugly scandals when couple does not mince words, trying to sting as it is possible more painfully.

The husband begins to raise a hand against the wife and children, to drink. The woman transfers the attention to an environment out of family: friends, neighbors, fellow workers, etc. Gossips, says scurrilous things, plays mean tricks. She leads others lives, and strongly envies them.

In this situation both parties consider the victims themselves. The wife lives with the monster and the villain, and the husband – with the mercantile bitch. But even at this stage of destruction it is possible to save the relations. It is necessary to reconsider own shortcomings, to recognize them. And therefore to learn to forgive them to others, understanding that the person is not perfect. It is necessary to learn to see good, to make concessions, to help. The fast outcome will not turn out. The more time passed, the everything is more difficult ""to wind off"" back. But if feelings did not die away and there is desire everything to return that the chance is. Here it is only necessary to begin with itself, but not to try to change the partner.

If the divorce did not happen at the previous stage, then here the family remains. More true visibility of family. The woman is afraid of loneliness and holds the hateful husband, tolerates unworthy behavior, forgives violence and alcoholism. The man feels like the loser, often is in a deep depression. Practically all friends moved away, and spouses are forced to be spent constantly all the time together. They hold the friend the friend, uvyazy it is even more in this bog of full degradation. It is almost impossible to break a situation.

Recognized themselves at one of stages? It is a high time to stop and save the relations. The earlier to accept responsibility for own marriage, rather the harmony and trust will return.

Author: «MirrorInfo» Dream Team