"Beats - means, loves", "Deserved", "Finished the man" - these and other phrases force the woman who underwent physical abuse in family to feel not as the victim, and responsible for the incident. It is possible to be silent, hide, suffer long until the result of another quarrel becomes deplorable and irreversible. The number of the murders committed because of family scandals reads off scale. That business did not reach manhandling, it is necessary to calculate a male aggressor in advance – during courtings.
As everything begins
The male aggressor never shows the aggression at strangers. During courtings he, as a rule, is charming, lovely and affable: gives flowers, suffers whims, guesses and executes whims, etc. During these moments the tyrant himself believes that he sincerely loves therefore honestly declares it and insists on a fast wedding.
Unjustified expectations also cause further the first push of hostility in the man. It is possible to expose the tyrant during a rose and candy stage if to behave deliberately provocatively: to do everything in defiance, for example.
The aggression root against women is in the boy's relations with mother. Look narrowly at future mother-in-law, find out about the relations in family of the man, about family traditions, etc. Excessive obedience of the man in the presence of mother has to guard you: "mother's darlings" cannot openly oppose to maternal dictatorship therefore they at the first case revenge stealthily - through the spouse.
Features inherent in the hidden aggressor
Silent in public, fawning upon the administration, the male tyrant is always full of envy and offense for the whole world. Trusting the woman the experiences, the aggressor plays on a maternal instinct: the stronger at the woman the feeling of self-sacrifice for the sake of someone is developed, rather she will carry out a mission of the rescuer and eternal nurse ("It without me will not be able", "Well and let it such, but native").
The man inclined to tyranny prefers to dominate in sex and any dispute. Pay attention to how the man calls you: depersonalization like "doll", "child" and other – sign of the frivolous relation.
The tyrant can assure the woman that, except it, nobody will love it SO. Light causticities of type: "You something grew fat" the aggressor smoothes rough declarations of love: "But I so love your curvy shapes", etc.
The jealousy and thirst of totalitarian control are the main signs of internal cruelty. The male aggressor can meticulously ask on how there passed your day or who this Mischa at work and whether he is married and also keeps ringing and literally fills up with sms: where you, as you, etc.
The tyrant also likes to teach life: he knows everything and is able, he will show how it is necessary. He will drive you on its favourite movies in a genre an art house, to treat with the favourite dishes (even if you hate them), and soon you will not notice how you are completely discharged of everything that was loved once, and be dissolved for the benefit of the man.
The main objective of an aggressor is to deprive of you a support in the form of girlfriends, parents, etc. Being a thin analyst, the male tyrant will wait a right moment and will wrap up a situation in such a way that you voluntarily do not want to communicate with anybody, except blessed and his friends.
In the same "magic" way at you personal finance will disappear. The man will buy everything, allegedly protecting you from problems and burdens of life. Actually, to separate you from finance - means, to make dependent and weak, and it just what is necessary for the tyrant - the power over you.
What to do if you underwent physical aggression
And what to do if the man already raised a hand against you? Not to listen to its justification. To an aggressor it is peculiar to apologize sincerely and long in the spirit of: "I do not know what on went on me", "With me so never was", "You can bring so the person", etc.
After the splashed-out aggression the tyrant reverts to the original state of the "ideal" husband: actively makes amends the help with the house, courtings and generous gifts. Do not believe words that the situation will not repeat any more. Will repeat, and in even more cruel form.
One exit: to run. To friends, to parents, anywhere, but far away from such man. Be not afraid to ask for help of neighbors or to contact police. Especially, when in family there are already children - think of their wellbeing and mental health. Always you keep around spare phone and some sum of cash: so you will be able to take a situation in hand.