The teenage age is time when the child is "difficult" not only for people around, but also for himself. Parents as the closest people have to have patience and be able build up competently in family cordial and trusting relationship.
Parents for the small child are final authority just because without them he is still defenseless and inexperienced. There is time, the child matures, and the parental reputation is not based on advantages of age any more. The teenager begins to assert actively the independence, the right to satisfy own requirements and the purposes.
Dangerous age
Parents turn out at the crossroads – how to improve the relations with the grown-up children? If adults choose a way of implicit submission, the bans, threats and pressure – it will inevitably lead to loss of the parental authority. And then it is inevitable – to loss of contact and mutual understanding. The teenager will reckon with parental opinion only when trusts it.
As a result of significant hormonal changes in an organism of the teenager also his mentality changes. In behavior appear:
- uneasiness;
- impulsiveness;
- irritability;
- diffidence;
- negativism;
- feeling of loneliness;
- special attention to the appearance.
Not educational process, but communication with peers, orientation to their opinion becomes the most significant activity. Teenagers unite in big or small groups various. The heaviest now for the teenager is to be outcast in group of children. How he will be able to prove in it, its future success depends.
The teenager's parents need to be extremely circumspect in the bans at this time: do not go, be not on friendly terms, do not put on, do not participate … It is necessary to prepare that if on the same scales appear the status of the child in group and the parental ban, in most cases will move the first.
It is necessary to stock up with patience, having faced teenage fashion, intolerable music, an unusual slang, defiant appearance. In this time, difficult for both parties, it is dangerous to enter the long conflict with the revolting child as there is a risk finally to lose his trust.
As it is correct to communicate with the teenager
To keep mutual understanding with own child, it is necessary to take advice of psychologists:
- The manner of communication with the teenager cardinally differs from communication with the school student of elementary grades. It is necessary to talk to the teenager as equals positions as with the adult, addressing his mind.
- No monologues, vypytyvaniye, notations, criticism, comparison with others, especially orders and orders, should be. What was managed to be brought up, in time. Now only dialogue is possible.
- Intonation at communication always quiet, warm and benevolent.
- It is impossible to deride shortcomings or to treat it as to small in the presence of other people, especially his friends.
- It is desirable to get acquainted with friends of the son or the daughter, to invite to the house to joint actions. Only this way it will be possible to prevent potential negative impact of friends in time.
- It is important "to adapt" to fashionable youth hobbies of the teenager, to a focus of his interests. To collect necessary information, to participate together or to accurately offer something less radical.
- To thicket to be interested in opinion of the teenager on household things and about "lives in general". Stating the position, it is useful to ask questions how you think and why so? Questions, but not ready answers develop thinking of the person.
- To daily find the positive reasons for approval expression.
- Not to interfere with long communication with age-mates, at this age communication skills are actively acquired. In modern realities the well-being of the adult for 80% depends on ability to interact successfully also only for 20% of his professionalism.
Despite the arising difficulties, parents are obliged to continue to train the teenage children for independent life. They need to be learned:
- in relation to affairs – strong-willed behavior, responsibility, ability to define the purposes and to try to obtain them,
- in relation to interaction with others – to endurance, a constructive exit from disagreements,
- in relation to – positive perception.
Not only to tell, but also it is obligatory to support with the example – only in such a way it is possible to help the child to become the successful adult.
Have to form the basis of such relations:
- refusal of parents of authoritative style of communication;
- recognition of the teenager as persons;
- attentiveness to his requirements and affairs;
- respect of its rights for own desires and feelings.
With what emotional spirit, skills and a self-assessment the teenager will enter a youth time in many respects depends on parental skill and the family atmosphere.