The first that comes to mind at the word "divorce" - a stress. Adults endure it more simply as they have behind shoulders a life experience, they can control themselves, they have friends and relatives who will always lend them the shoulder. In a different way the situation develops with children, as a result of a divorce, they lose family. In their heads quite logical question appears: "Why?". They see sad parents and perfectly understand that there is no return to the past any more.
In our country, cases when people disperse rather seldom meet, without having dropped own advantage and without having humiliated another. Rather small number of people manages to pass from the family relations to friendly or, as a last resort, neutral. The rage, desire to hurt another force out tenderness, love, care. In this fight there are no winners, some victims, and most often it is children.
So, typical situation: it is necessary to inform the child that parents will live separately now.
Having decided on a conversation about a divorce with the child, it is necessary to stock up with patience, to be careful and exact when you are at loss for words. That the child apprehended your words correctly, the situation has to be having, quiet; tone soft; and you reserved. It is good if at this conversation there are both parents, it will allow children to understand that even in this difficult situation both parents continue to love them.
When this news is informed the child by one of parents, the situation becomes aggravated. Here it is important to adhere to a neutrality, it is impossible to let to the child know at all that the second parent bad. It at you can appear the new spouse or the spouse – the child will never have a new father or new mother. The love of the child for the parents is boundless, disinterested. Charges by one parent of another will cause in the kid only more pain and experiences.
It is necessary to be ready to the fact that your child will do everything that in his forces to unite family, he will often ask about other parent. It is necessary to have patience and it is accurate, but it is convincing to let know to the child that there is no way back.
Seldom it happens so that people get divorced without the reasons seen on that. In family throughout a long time a large number of claims collects. Showdowns, offenses, scandals begin, and all this is seen by children. From understanding that in family something not so, to children becomes terrible. When you see that there is no other way besides a divorce, it is necessary to begin training of the kid for this news. It is necessary to inform the child that parents cannot live together any more and that the divorce does not mean at all that the father leaves forever. He will come, will always come to the rescue when it is necessary. He has to know that the divorce is a business of parents that it will be loved by both parents also, as before. Your child has to know why his parents cannot be more together, and, the child is more senior, the more he has the right to know. However, the heaviest details which can wound the child should be lowered. Here very best of all the rule will approach – "will grow – will understand".
The child has to learn about the imminent divorce from you, but not from gossips neighbors or compassionate relatives at all.
At preschool age the child considers himself by the most important therefore often begins to look for the reason of parting of parents in himself, in the behavior. The loving parents will try to solve this problem together. It is rather simple to make it: only it is necessary to say to the child that you love him, you appreciate, that to you his progress is important.
Do not load the child physically and intellectually. He also so persistently considers the events. You give it more positive emotions. He feels your tension, aggression and behaves suitably. His behavior can become whimsical, whining, closed. You do not shout at it for it at all, he did not learn to control the emotions yet. Walk, your tranquility and the fairy tale for the night will become the best medicine in this case.
If you plan to replace the residence and the residence of the child, both you, and he has to be ready that he should endure the long period of accustoming to new people, neighbors, friends. Better to hold off it. It is impossible to limit the child in communication with parents of the ex-husband or the wife. Grandmothers and grandfathers are simply necessary for the child. It is always necessary to speak about them well, however, it is worth paying attention to mood with which he comes back home. There can be it that there it is incited against you. It has to induce you to straight talk with recent relatives.
It is only a small part of what will help the kid to endure a divorce of parents. Everything that it seems to you ordinary, can be perceived by the child much more seriously. And to demand from him adult behavior it is silly, it is necessary just to give it time and just to be near.