It is impossible to expect that the relations with the stepdaughter will develop in itself right after you marry her parent. You should get acquainted, make friends and gain her trust. The wedding does not do you automatically by the father or mother of the adopted child. If you want harmony in marriage, then it is necessary to work on these relations and, first of all, to you. Because you are an adult.
It is required to you
- - patience
- - time
- - empathy
1. Let know to the child that you are not going to become between him and his parent. You that is natural, want to spend time alone with the spouse, provide a little time for two to the partner and his daughter.
2. Find such occupation in which you could be engaged together, without spouse. If you the woman, it is easy if you the man, then, perhaps, you go together to the pool, to go to ski or teach her to shoot? Find what is interesting to the girl and what the man can teach her to. If your stepdaughter is not interested in anything in similar, then, maybe, you will carry her on ballroom dances or to the tutor. Talk to her about what concerns her. Support its self-assessment, do not interrupt, do not criticize, show as to you her opinion is important.
3. Do not begin to play a role of "tutor" from the very beginning. The stamp in the passport does not grant to you such rights yet. Wait for respect for the opinion and the requests, showing that you respect feelings, requests and opinion of the child. Do not involve the spouse in your disputes with the stepdaughter, try to cope. If she intentionally offends you, restrain, do not demand from the partner to punish the girl immediately. You do not challenge at the child, not correct, from your point of view pedagogical decisions of the spouse. Discuss it then.
4. Assign to the child some family duties – to help to make a dinner or to set the table, to check existence of products in the fridge. Something that is necessary you for all three as to family and that will be its "zone of responsibility". Attract it to some decisions, important for your family. Ask how she thinks where to you together to go to a holiday? What wall-paper to buy to the bedroom?
5. If your stepdaughter still the small child, play with her simply more. Collect puzzles, draw princesses, compose songs. A game is a universal way to become closer to the child.