All families pass through crises: both happy, and unsuccessful. Only some spouses leave them updated and stronger. And others save and aggravate the conflicts or at all get divorced. All this happens because of different types of reactions to the critical moments in family life.
Instruction
1. It is important to understand that some family problems are inevitable. Psychologists allocate crises of the first, third, seventh year. This influence of age of the union on its development. It is considered that they happen at all spouses, but proceed differently. There are still difficult moments connected with changes of circumstances or problems in family. For example, many parents have hard times in the relations among themselves at the time of moving of the matured children to own apartments. The mortgage or the death of close relatives can become big test for partners. Such crises, of course, are not always predetermined. If the family rallies around a problem and together solves it, then difficult circumstances do not become such serious test for the relations.
2. Establishing dialogue – the main way of successful passing of crisis. Frequent the cause of the conflicts, quarrels or even attempts of partings the whole belongings of problems about which in family try not to speak are. It seems to many people that it is quieter and safer "to sweep up garbage under a carpet". Especially it concerns disagreements in the intimate sphere. But concealment of problems conducts to the fact that they are saved, do not disappear anywhere, and at times and are aggravated. Also there comes the moment when one of spouses "breaks through". The fact that it would be still possible to discuss with small nervous tension becomes a reason for rough quarrels. Ability to speak about problems in family – an important way to make passing of inevitable crises painless.
3. The ability is correct to quarrel extremely important for family happiness. There is a stereotype that quarrels in family – in general is bad. Sometimes badly, but not in general. Absolutely to do without the conflicts not really. And here to be able to do them the correct image to solve – business necessary. For this purpose, first, courage in discussion of problems will be required. They need to be discussed "here and now", in process of emergence. Secondly, it is important to control the speech and behavior. There is such concept: "a non-return point" in the conflict. Usually it is the words told in a temper which humiliate parents of the spouse or him, after which reconciliation becomes impossible or very problematic. If there is a wish to criticize each other during the quarrels, it is better to direct venomous remarks to specific actions, but not to the person, in general. "Now I am irritated that you did not wash the dishes today", – sounds better, than: "Eternally you are careless, always and in everything".
4. Develop ways of finding of a compromise. All life consists of them. It is a little similar to the transaction, only family compromises have no rigid dates, terms and forms of payment. It is necessary to be able to agree about how household chores will be distributed, responsibility for finance and so forth types of obligations between spouses. If you learn to find options to make reciprocal concessions, to you some crises will be hardly terrible …