Everything, without exaggeration, heard about such concept as "unrequited love": about it write in books, compose verses, shoot film and write songs. Perhaps, information stated in our article will help some people to understand a difficult life situation and to find a way out of it, having looked at undivided feelings from outside.
What is unrequited love?
The love is not only tender and tender feelings to a certain person, and, according to many psychologists, also psychological dependence. If it is mutual, then brings feeling of happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, and the person makes all efforts to keep this feeling.
However when the love message does not find a response in soul of its subject to lamentation, the person gets into a situation, unclear for it, when it is lost and does not know as to it to behave further.
Important! Feeling despair from the fact that he is not capable to influence a situation, the person in love can go on mad acts, grabbing a last straw of hope: to practise black-mail, to begin scandals and hysterics, to terrorize phone calls.
It begins to plunge into own experiences, to lose the imagined development of the situation and the relations in the head, to wind the emotions, and it leads to the fact that the self-destruction mechanism is started. Externally it can be shown by excessive aggression of the person or even maniacal acts and the behavior directed to an object of meek feelings.
Possible reasons of unrequited love: analysis
Meek feelings can arise for many reasons: in view of age distinctions, a difference of interests, a material state, differences in living position, etc. However most often situations of meek feelings arise at people whose life is rather measured and is not sated with emotions and impressions: for them acquaintance to the new person — as a breath of fresh air.
They begin to perceive the new friend or even the attractive stranger as chance of fine changes in life and in imagination to allocate it with nonexistent positive qualities, to praise hypertrophied, thereby falling in love with him.
It is quite often possible to see on screens history of two old acquaintances, one of whom secretly and is meekly in love for many years and is ready to undertake anything and to go to own victims for the subject to lamentation. To understand in more detail the possible reasons of such behavior, it is necessary to pay attention to the described below moments.
Learn where and how to find the soulmate.
Underestimation of
When the person is a little praised and supported, and, on the contrary, abused and banter at it, he feels unworthy something good, and in particular love. He perceives himself bad, ugly, silly — does not love and underestimates himself and the advantages. Psychologists advise in such situation first of all is good to fall in love with himself — each person something. It is possible even to write out on the sheet of paper the positive qualities and those which to you not really to liking, and to try to praise itself.
Every day it is possible to make a good act and in mind to accent his merits. It is necessary to look after himself, to indulge itself — to direct efforts to work on the internal state, and as a result to begin to respect and fall in love with itself. Self-confidence will help to get rid of internal constraint that will allow the person to become more open and happy.
Whether you know? Choosing an object for the relations, our subconsciousness pushes us to the people similar to our parents.
Victim of circumstances
You should not accept a position of the victim of circumstances, to be cried at every turn and to complain of behavior of the person unworthy your dreams who is not reciprocating.
The feeling of pity to itself will not do good, it will not attract sympathy and interest of the beloved, will not cause the positive relation from people around, and will only destroy inner world and can push away even more from you.
Loneliness
Lack of external attention and continuous emotional contact with the world around, isolation in the feelings, a limited circle of acquaintances, conventionalism of work and life — all this dulls perception of life as something fine and unique. When on the way of the lonely person there is an object which showed to it though a share of interest and attention it promotes emergence of a large number of uncertain feelings which can cause feeling of love in emotionally unstable people, and it, perhaps, will be unilateral.
How to get rid of unrequited love?
If the arisen feelings are meek — psychologists advise to undertake radical measures for disposal of this destroying dependence.
First of all it is such actions:
- It is worth getting rid of a constant reminder on this person and to remove a possibility of contact with it, following a proverb "Out of sight, out of mind". It is for this purpose better to avoid a possibility of personal contact with object of desire and to remove its contacts from phone and gadgets that there was no temptation to call or write, whether it be pleasant, or not really, words. It is worth arriving also with the objects reminding of this person.
- It is necessary to try to fill up as much as possible the time work and other active actions that for sufferings there were not enough physical forces.
- The person with undivided feelings should not concentrate all the life and vital forces on the unsuccessful relations, and has to transform the feelings to desire to live and develop that will allow to become further open for new feelings.
Important! It is necessary to speak about the feelings, releasing them outside with words that will help to facilitate an intense emotional state.
To the woman
Men by the nature more often inclined to internal experiences of feelings also cannot put them into words and actions.
When their feelings are meek, they can become isolated and reproach themselves because of failure, destroying themselves and the confidence that it can externally be shown:
- stroke;
- headaches;
- heart attack;
- general breakdown.
There can be also a reverse situation when in the man the hunter's instinct wakes up, and he wants to achieve the desirable by all means. The feeling of passion and unwillingness to be given in the course of gaining of the beloved without reciprocal feelings can become the reason of maniacal behavior that will even more frighten off and will avert from it object of desire.
To the man
As well as men, women with undivided feelings should express the emotions and to share experiences with close people, without being engaged in suffering alone and self-destruction. The behavior of the girl should not be aggressive, her energy has to be sent to the peaceful and positive course for disposal of sufferings of meek feelings.
Read as to the girl to understand that she fell in love.
As a rule, the excellent decision is the meeting with the good girlfriend or a confidential conversation with mother which will help to find further points of support and development of career and hobbies that will offer new opportunities and prospect of more successful relations.
How to experience unrequited love?
To cross a step of one-way love, it is necessary to make many efforts in work on by itself. It is obvious that the person feeling strong affection and feelings to another spends a lot of time in reflections over the created situation, imagines options of possible development of the situation, thinks over ways of attraction and gaining attention and sympathy of an object of love. To cope with this feeling, it is necessary to pay more attention to really taking place events, to penetrate into the relevant situations occurring around in work and in life, but not to soar in unreal dreams.
Feelings which did not find a response in other person can force to doubt own advantages that cannot be allowed at all. It is better to be engaged in reflection how it is possible to improve itself, the skills and abilities, in other words, to be engaged in development, but not destruction of.
Manifestation of self-esteem
You should not fall to the level of threats and blackmail in relation to the person who cannot reciprocate reciprocity your tender feelings. It is necessary to save the face and advantage, to recognize that these relations have no real future and to move forward.
Whether you know? Statistics claims that only in India in 15 years of researches from unrequited love committed suicide of nearly 85 thousand people.
If the person treats himself with respect, does not dare to make base acts and does not allow offensive behavior in the address, then and other people will behave with it adequately.
Development of identity
Work on the internal qualities will help to overcome one-way love. For this purpose the person will need to make, first of all, for himself the decision that he wants to change, and then to begin to move in the conceived direction.
It can be development of will power or aspiration to lose weight, desire to learn a foreign language or to receive more highly paid position. The main thing — development and aspiration forward, but not focus on failure and self-destruction.
Occupation favourite business
To remove sincere experiences on a distance shot, psychologists advise to be engaged in any fascinating and absorbing occupation. It can be work or a hobby — it is important that occupation really interested the person, and he would like to devote it as much as possible free time. For example, it can be interest in painting, development of modern computer technologies, sport and collecting.
Councils of the psychologist
Each situation is very individual and demands more detailed study and consideration of all nuances, but the general recommendations can be the following:
- to make an avowal of sentiments to a love object. First, it will help to facilitate the saved-up lot of experiences, to reduce stress in which the person is constantly, without testing a reciprocal response. Secondly, there is always a chance that subject to lamentations can reciprocate as it also hesitated to state the preferences;
- it is necessary to accept a situation such what it is, to give the chance to itself to understand the feelings, to experience these emotions, to perestradat and then to move further with the got experience;
- for removal of nervous tension the psychologists recommend to sublimate that means to use the mechanism of removal of internal tension by the direction of energy on achievement of any socially important purposes. It can be creativity or active sport;
- you should not look for at once a new object for the relations if did not reciprocate to you. Subconsciously you will carry out constant comparison of objects of the feelings, thereby tormenting the new elect, not allowing further development of the new relations;
- it is possible to create the personal diary. This way will help to get rid of experiences as the view of the feelings stated in writing will allow, perhaps, to reconsider the relation to the elect.
It is possible to be pleasant to an object of the desire therefore read: how to win heart of the girl and what to do to be pleasant to the man.
Always there is a wish that feelings to the loved person got a response in his shower, but in reality so it happens, alas, not always. The unrequited love is scale of feelings and emotions which it is necessary to worry and move further, and councils of psychologists and support of close people will assist in such situation.