In life of each family there comes the moment when the child does not consider himself that any more and wants this fact to be admitted by parents. Independence – it is fine, but to convince mother of the right to be called the adult happens very not easy.
Instruction
1. Before asserting the right to "maturity", analyze the relations with mother. Whether you consider that she has to care for you, help with difficult situations, be responsible independently for the device of the and your life? If you answered positively at least one of these questions, your claims for independence remind whims of the child who, though argues with mother, but at heart considers that it more wisely and over time will settle everything. You are psychologically not ready to take the responsibility for the life as it is peculiar to the adult.
2. Analyze as you build communication with mother, in particular, as you act in conflict situations. If you can suit hysterics and scandals, to do something "to spite of" mother – you choose the style of communication peculiar to the child. The adult tries to conduct dialogue quietly, proving the case by means of telling arguments and also tries to understand the interlocutor and motives of his behavior. Try to build communication with mother thus, and it will be easier for it to accept gravity of your position.
3. Analyze material aspect of your relations. Many parents are ready to recognize the child as independent, only if it has own stable income. If you can provide completely yourself financially, i.e. pay the food and clothes, have own (let removable) housing, independently place money for study and are capable to pay the entertainments – you can consider yourself the adult independent person. And, most likely, mother will agree with you.
4. Sometimes, that mother is not ready to recognize the right to independence and "maturity" for the daughter or the son even if all listed above conditions are satisfied. In this case you faced parental manipulations. Unfortunately, a habit to manipulate relatives including the children, meets quite often. The simple lack of attention to mother of you can be the cause and also her fear to lose control over life of already adult child.
5. Parental manipulations come down to causing sense of guilt in the child. Phrases it seems "Are familiar to much I for you offered private life (career, education, etc.), and you …" or "You do not think at all that I have a poor health (the loosened nerves, small pension, etc.)...". If you regularly hear from mother of a phrase such, know that thus she tries to manipulate you. To stop manipulations, especially parental, not easy, but it is possible to try it to make.
6. Try to understand what forces mother to resort to manipulations. Perhaps, it is just a habit, perhaps, fear to lose control over a situation, diffidence, something else. Understand, mother acts this way not "for harm", she just tries to solve the internal problems.
7. Feel not the child, but the adult. Perhaps, even more adult, than mother. Try to make allowance to its weaknesses, do not take its assessment very much to heart and show patience, without allowing dialogue to develop into another conflict
8. Show sympathy for mother's problems, feel sorry for her, help it to believe that you love it just like that, for the fact that it is.
9. Do not allow mother to interfere in your personal space: it is not obligatory for it to know details of your private and intimate life, a subtlety of your relationship with friends. Designate communication borders: that mother had no thought, for example, to call you in the middle of the night, you call her, it is desirable regularly.
10. You spend time together. Devote the joint leisure to what is interesting to mother, support her hobbies. Do not forget to offer the help and to rejoice sincerely to gifts and attention from its party.