The marital infidelity can break even strong family. Often the fault for it lies with both spouses: because of unwillingness to talk, listen, discuss. Article in detail considers the reasons pushing husbands on treason and solutions of this problem.
Why men change
Treason is some kind of signal that there is any problem in the relations.
Sexual dissatisfaction
Unsatisfied physical desire — one of the most common causes of men's treason.
In this case it is important to find out the background:
- The wife is not perceived as a sexual object as looks unattractive, does not watch herself.
- She in situation / only gave rise and there is a medical ban on intim.
- Frequent refusals in matrimonial proximity because of a headache, fatigue, PMS, etc.
- The proximity with the wife lost the novelty, and it is not ready for experiments. The second option — lack of an initiative from its party because of complexes, fastidiousness, hypocrisy.
It is separately possible to describe that case when the woman uses sex as a blackmail subject: satisfied a request — there will be a proximity, did not execute — there is no proximity.
Whether you know? According to the Napoleon's Code adopted in 1804, the woman could demand a divorce from the unfaithful husband only if he brought the mistress into the house.
Self-affirmation
The underestimated self-assessment can develop as a result of several factors:
- the complexes because of unattractive appearance originating in the childhood or the teenage period woken by the wife during the quarrel;
- the impartial statements of the woman about the size of men's advantage;
- own notions of compulsion about sexual insolvency because of absence at the wife of an orgasm;
- critical age and attempt to prove itself own appeal to an opposite sex.
Lack of attention
At appearance of children many women steep in educational process, depriving of attention and love of the spouse. It has no time for a quiet conversation, there is no interest in its affairs, problems, progress.
The spouse behaves as the flatmate, but not as close spiritually and emotionally the person. Not dissipated warmth and desire of spiritual proximity and tenderness of spouses will seek elsewhere.
It is important! If the spouse, earning more, also parades this fact, slighting and humiliating the husband, then the fact of treason has character of revenge for the offended advantage and can be numerous.
Mercantile question
The woman constantly demands money, gifts, all her care only of herself, darling. The matrimonial proximity can be apprehended as pressure lever with the purpose to receive money from the husband. Treason will be caused by desire of the spouse to find the person who will sincerely want to recognize him and to understand to which he will be interesting as the personality, but not a purse. Happens on the contrary — the spouse earns much more husband. Historically it developed so that the getter in family a priori the man. Insolvency in own eyes and shame before the wife can push on treason in search of self-affirmation in sex.
Boredom
The common cause of treason in family life — the spouse ceased to develop. During courtings it was the interesting erudite young lady with whom was about what to talk. For years of marriage she steeped in life, ceased to develop intellectually and remained at the same level, as 10, 20 years ago.
Whether you know? At natives of New Guinea for treachery of spouses in punishment had to eat a finger of the mistress.
Now issues, main for it: whether fritters, whether propeklos dough in pie burned down. The spouse at the same time works, has a wide range of communication at which there are also ladies who excitedly discuss interesting subjects, they cheerful, sympathetic and not dull.
Option second — the fan to tickle to itself nerves. His life can be gray and monotonous, and any strong emotions bring a holiday in these everyday life. Here process of gaining other woman, emission of adrenaline because of exposure threat, than actually intimate proximity is more important.
Whether it is necessary to forgive treason
Whether it is worth forgiving incorrectness of the spouse, each woman solves, proceeding from family circumstances and beliefs.
Several reasons in favor of preservation of family:
- treason had exclusively physical character, was, roughly speaking, disposable, the husband sincerely regrets after that;
- on a campaign on the left the woman pushed itself either continuous refusals, or carelessness and infantilism;
- there are strong feelings to the husband, besides, small children grow in family.
When you do not keep family:
- incorrectness for the spouse — the normal phenomenon;
- absolute rejection by the husband of the fault, shifting of responsibility on the wife without any explanations;
- if communication with other woman long and except physical proximity is emotional attachment.
Important! Is not necessary also, manipulating sense of guilt, to take unconditionally prepotent position in family. Sooner or later you will lose with a chipped washing-tub, but already on own oversight.
In the latter case it is heavy to break off such relations will be to the man. Even if desired to keep family, he will be broken off between two women.
How to forgive treason of the husband, to keep family and to live further
Forgiveness not always comes so easily, apparently, to order himself not to think of a problem not everyone will be able and not at once. Involuntarily thoughts will return to a situation, saddening reconciliation.
Acceptance and forgiveness
Straight talk will help to accept a situation. At the same time it is necessary to find out the reasons of male incorrectness and if the share of fault lies on the woman's shoulders, it is necessary to draw conclusions, to discuss with the husband, what are you doing not so in what, according to him, are not right, and together to decide how to correct a situation. It is necessary to forgive not only in words, it is necessary to try to release the offense. The constant reminder on offense, reproaches at each opportunity will force the man most to leave you and from sense of guilt.
Do not push away the spouse who tries to make amends, accept courtesies without gloating and caustic comments. Do not refuse intimate proximity: it is about forgiveness, but not punishment.
Its responsibility
It is easier to forgive the husband if he admitted the guilt and broke off the relations with other woman. If he changed, but wants to keep family, in that case will provide to the wife access to gadgets, post correspondence. He will try not to be late, not to hide the phone calls anywhere not to provoke new mistrust.
Learn in more detail what is treason.
Kind of to it control from the wife did not sicken, but the husband will suffer that to return everything. The main thing in it: not to be overzealous and not to try to put a lead with a strict collar on the spouse.
What to do if it is impossible to forget treason: councils of the psychologist
Before forgiving the husband, it is necessary to think over that, it will be how easy to forget to you offense whether you are ready to dialogue, to discussion: what needs to be done that similar did not repeat. Think also over whether you are ready to work on yourself if the treason reason in you.
If the woman cannot forget, constantly thinks of the competitor, then it makes sense or to have a rest with the husband from each other, emotions will not settle yet, or to disperse. After a while the woman should think again of whether she can is farther to live without spouse or feeling to it eclipse its incorrectness. Perhaps, the offense will be moved that he is a beautiful father, and, in principle, the careful husband financially provides family.
Psychologists recommend to take the sheet of paper, to divide it into two half lengthways. On one to write everything pro, on another all contra. Quite perhaps, it will help you to decide on the answer for itself. Anyway, the husband needs to let know that next time it will be not so easy to restore trust as now, or it is just impossible.
It will be interesting to you to learn how to adjust and improve the relations with the husband.
Both partners are responsible for safety of the family relations. The strong family is based on trust, mutual respect and mutual understanding. If couple is not able to listen to each other and to reach compromise in disputable or problem situations, such couple has no future.