How to get on with the ex-husband under the same roof?

How to get on with the ex-husband under the same roof?

Divorced, but did not part: it quite often happens when the former spouses just have no place to live. That accommodation did not turn for both into hell, it is necessary to resolve an issue efficiently. Then there are more chances that the relations can become quite tolerant.

To be or not to be?

To communicate with former or being hard, offenses, anger, a grief from a gap, melancholy about the missed opportunities smother. Not lived emotions involve us in the infinite exhausting showdowns with each other, do not allow to agree reasonably about the solution of household problems, it is simple to live, eventually. If it happened to you: for a start recognize that emotions whatever they were are, you feel them and have to them the right. To fight with them and to persuade yourself that you do not take offense at all and you are not jealous, inefficiently. The relations cannot quickly come to the end: parting it is necessary to live. Sometimes on it years leave.

Try to keep a so-called "Diary of feelings" where you will write down experiences in a day. It will help to be exempted from unpleasant states, and at the same time not to splash out them on the ex-husband, not to provoke the conflicts. Right after the divorce agree with the ex-spouse about the minimum communication: only on business, without showdown. In a conversation with it always you remember the conditional feet button: you pronounce this word if you feel that communication becomes excessively emotional and gets out of hand.

On that side of barricades

It is necessary to establish a clear boundary not only at the psychological, but also household level. Ideally after the divorce everyone has to have money the, and here expenditure for children make a reservation separately and most transparently. Do not manipulate, namely agree. Lay down the conditions, at the same time without forgetting to listen and hear other party. Can help with this difficult business "I - statements" when each of the former partners speaks about himself, the feelings and desires, but does not pass to accusing "you - to statements".

Two taboos

1. Children

Try to explain to children a situation adequately, according to their age. It is not necessary to deceive them. And do not "juggle" at all with children's desire that mother and the father were together again. Phrases: "If you behave well, maybe, we will be together again as earlier" — are inadmissible. The relations with being — only yours with it business. Also you remember: the situation in the house is quieter, the easier is to children.

2. Back in the past

Attempt to return the former relations — one of dangers of cohabitation after the divorce. And the situation becomes painful when the ex-wife or the ex-husband still dream of return of love. If former conceals hope that everything will be as before, and you do not want it, explain him the feelings at once, without ambiguous interpretation and without tightening. Too strictly? Only at first sight. Only this way you will save it from illusions and sufferings further.

If still you love, get support of the girlfriend or relative, but only the one who is really ready to a difficult talk who is capable to help to endure pain and disappointments. It is not less important to learn to switch attention from the relations to itself: by all means look for new meanings and support in life.

Author: «MirrorInfo» Dream Team


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