Love is a natural part of growing, but quite often teenagers are with this feeling alone, having completely isolated from all. That it is even worse: instead of trusting in adults, they try to look for council at the peers. In turn, it promotes rash decisions and irrational actions. So, as it is possible to help your child to cope with the feelings.
Understanding at what stage of love there is a teenager, will help his parents to relieve to it pain and to rouse it to appropriate reaction. The first love is capable to arise at any age: from initial to high school.
The most typical stages of teenage love are: — worship when the teenager idealizes an object to which he has strong feelings;
— high voltage when the child wants to try to approach an object of the love; — clumsy romanticism; — a final stage - break in relations.
The situation when the teenager finds out that an object which he idealizes is at all not that whom it represented it is most typical. Some children just are capable easily and to pass by this stage if the relations pass into the category of friendship. Others can spend months or years, exhausting themselves because of the first loss. Besides, you should not dismiss the fact that the unrequited love can lead the teenager to destructive acts which can turn back irreparable consequences. Therefore the task of the parent is to support the child during such period.
For the teenager the first love is a turning point in his life. He learns to make independently serious decisions and to cope with the feelings. And the parent can become for him the friend who will listen, will encourage and will support him, unostentatiously something will advise.
You will be able to cope with violent hormonal splash in the grown-up child much easier if remember and realize the fact that the teenage brain is more impulsive and emotional, than is rational.
Search of the correct and appropriate words which will help the child to feel more surely and comfortably can be very difficult. Tell about a subject of his love something good, for example: "I can understand why she / he so attracts you". It is possible to be expressed and so: "It seems, he / she really very pleasant / darling(s)". Try to find out from the child why he likes this person. Talk to it that he feels and thinks of this situation and of a subject of the love. Thus you will understand what really happens. Tell the child that love – a natural stage of growing, and then share with it a story about the first love. Let it know that similar feelings arise at all people, at everyone in own way. It is very important not to force the teenager to feel shamed or confused. Many parents are hardly capable to talk of a subject about feelings to the children and behave authoritatively and extremely heatedly or, on the contrary, it is somehow awkward. Unfortunately, such behavior they cause shame which can engender serious psychological complexes in the teenager in the child.
It is the best of all if you are the democratic parent rather open and sincere with the child and also are capable to treat him as to the personality.
Very big mistake is to speak to the child that he has to or cannot feel. The words "you are too young to fall in love or love" — it will yield the result opposite to the desirable rather and will cause reciprocal defensive reaction. It is necessary to understand that parents have no right to interfere with personal space of the teenager without his consent. Kind of you did not want good to the child, it is not necessary to impose on it the opinion and control. It is capable to push away the teenager, and he can emotionally be closed from you. Therefore it is necessary to work very much and very delicately.