Situation when in family between her members there is no mutual understanding, meet very often. Husbands and wives, small and adult children and also grandmothers and grandfathers often cannot find a common language in the bosom of the family, especially if all of them live in one house. Concrete councils of psychologists how to find a way out of different difficult family situations, about ways of building relations between different family members and about ability to prevent the conflicts are given in article.
Why in family the relations spoil
Many people consider that for happiness in family life the main thing is to marry or marry successfully, and then everything in itself has to is good to develop. And only units are realized that it is possible to keep good relations only by persistent efforts of all family members which they have to put all the life. To improve the relations between different family members, it is necessary to establish the causes of the conflicts which can be various.
It is important! If in family often there are conflicts, the main thing is to analyze the reasons, to take out lessons from situations and to make everything that they in the future did not repeat.
Are the most frequent reasons of family quarrels:
- unwillingness of partners to concede and keep silent at the right moment;
- there is no mutual understanding — people cannot agree about anything;
- rejection of another it what it is, and attempts to re-educate him contrary to persistent resistance;
- unwillingness of parents to psychologically release the grown-up child and his constant lecture long ago how to live;
- one family member (or several) has not enough care and attention;
- unwillingness or inability to constrain the emotional splashes or rough response to some insignificant events;
- lack of desire to study on own mistakes and misses;
- treason of the partner because of what it is rather difficult to adjust further trust;
- lack of respect for the choice by the child of a vital or professional way.
Of course, there are also other conflict situations, in different families everything is individual. The unwillingness to understand close people, their desires and feelings will inevitably lead to cooling in relationship. Also scandals and the conflicts will result.
We advise to esteem what is the family relations.
How to improve the relations in family
After establishment of the causes of the conflicts all family members need to make sometimes considerable efforts to eliminate them. Important aspect is here desire to change a situation to the best. Also understanding of people's psychology of an opposite sex, children's psychology will be important and also what place each family member has to take and not encroach on others roles.
How to strengthen the relations with the wife
If the relations with the spouse came into the deaf deadlock to strengthen conjugal ties, the husband needs to reflect at first over the following nuances of the behavior in family:
- whether he looks after the wife as well as at first after acquaintance, presenting her periodically in flowers and appropriate gifts and whether he remembers all important dates in joint life;
- whether often he assures it of the love and of what values it;
- whether he attentively listens to the wife as required, without interrupting when she wants to be uttered;
- whether gives it pleasant courtesies with tenderness manifestation;
- whether he watches to affording criticism to the wife in the presence of other people;
- whether he tries to help it during the periods of fatigue or feeling sick;
- whether like her mood and whether condemns for excessive (as it seems to it) nervousness and irritability;
- whether he abstains from comparison of the spouse with the mother or with wives of friends concerning cooking of food and ability to conduct economy;
- whether he shows tolerance of the wife's relatives even if they not absolutely are pleasant to it;
- whether he is interested in sincerely intellectual life of the spouse, her environment that she reads that it is interesting to it what her views of problems in society and other similar nuances;
- whether indulgently it treats unimportant mistakes of the wife;
- whether he is able to forgive quickly small offenses;
- apologizes for misses in the relations and the offenses caused them;
- whether it gives the chance and time to the wife to be engaged in a favourite hobby;
- whether he allows the wife to dance if she is invited by other men, without humiliating with jealous remarks;
- whether he uses any opportunities for a sincere praise of the wife and expression of the admiration;
- whether he thanks the spouse for household chores and work on trifles (the button is sewn, shirt is ironed, socks are darned).
Important! The regular objective analysis of situations which periodically develop in relationship will give to the husband the chance to see where it needs to improve that the wife felt loved and protected.
How to improve the relations with the husband
There are some thoughts over which the spouse has to think to see in what it is possible to strengthen relationship with the husband:
- whether she makes efforts for arrangement of a cosiness in the house, an interesting and attractive situation in it;
- whether tries to make a diet of members of the family various that the spouse and children, being seated at the table, did not know that it will give them;
- whether tries to show respect for reasonable decisions of the husband even if not always with them it agrees (especially concerning education of children);
- whether is able to forgive insignificant misses of the spouse and also whether she is not too sensitive on trifles;
- whether it maintains authority of the husband when other family members words or actions try to undermine it;
- whether suppresses an initiative of the husband to undertake the solution of both household, and vital questions of family;
- whether tries to smooth unpleasant situations in communication between members of the family;
- whether sets an example to the children, to treat properly the father with respect whether criticizes it at their presence and whether arrives consistently, without canceling its decision concerning children at it behind the back;
- whether sincerely she is interested in affairs of the husband at work whether she knows the main nuances of his profession;
- whether kindly sees off the husband for work and meets from it even if the day before there was a quarrel;
- whether gives to the spouse as required time and free space to be alone and reflect or analyze the events which are taking place in his life;
- whether respects desire of the husband to be engaged in a favourite hobby;
- whether the spouse encourages maintaining a healthy lifestyle and sports;
- whether tries to keep the benevolent relations with the husband's relatives;
- whether she speaks validly the husband in the presence of girlfriends or fellow workers.
It is important! If the spouse deeply reflects over the attitude towards the husband and to everything that surrounds it, takes patience and care, then the spouse will surely notice positive changes in the wife and will feel that he is respected and appreciated.
The main reason for misunderstanding in the relations between children and parents is the unwillingness of parents to reconcile that children grew up therefore they try to teach or sponsor them constantly. Let's consider councils how to adjust good relationship with each of parents.
Sometimes, that to the adult children living as separately from parents (and in one apartment with them), mother of one of spouses can give constantly a lot of advice how to arrive in any given situations, to call several times in day, nearly daily to come on a visit and constantly to criticize. You should not be rude, find out in that case with the mother or with mother of the marriage satellite of the relation with voices raised and to put ultimatums.
Only serious and straight talk can help with such situation (can, and not once): it is necessary to try firmly, quietly and in a valid form to convey information to mother that you have the family, you are full age people for a long time and you do not need serious guardianship. At the same time surely assure it of the love and respect that you appreciate everything that she for you made, but you do not need its management of the adulthood.
If this measure did not help, it is necessary to try to separate a little from mother, having applied some methods:
- It is not necessary to answer at once each its call, and to accustom that you cannot constantly contact in working hours.
- Try to curtail politely communication if you did not ask, and the conversation comes down to lecture and councils again.
- You should not visit every day mother (if it does not demand daily care for the sick and aged parent) and also do not allow it to be every day at your place (such meetings are quite admissible once in a week).
- It is not necessary to complain to mother of insignificant problems in the family and also on the marriage satellite, and try to solve them independently.
Whether you know? In German there is a phrase drakonye food — so guilty German husbands call pleasant trifles for the angered wives (spirits, box of chocolates or flowers) which they give them to make amends.
With the father
Old quarrels and offenses on the fact that in the childhood the father not especially was interested in you can be the reason that the relations with the father are not got on, your progress and achievements, and now realized the misses, instinctively began to reach for the adult child and to try to participate in his life. But now children, being adults, do not need overdue care any more.
If there is such situation, it is possible to arrive as follows:
- Try to treat the father all the same with respect.
- It is not necessary to raise on it the voice or even to shout, and it is better to listen, thank in a quiet key, but to do everything in own way.
- Listen to opinion of the native person and be interested in his life, you benefit from it only.
- It is possible to share with the father the thoughts and feelings, as with the senior companion.
- Joint pastime with the father will be important: walks outdoors, trips to fishing, campaigns on different actions will help to strengthen the relations and will bring many mutual positive emotions.
We recommend to esteem how to adjust and improve the relations with the husband.
With the daughter-in-law
Here some councils for the mother-in-law always to have good relations with the daughter-in-law:
- Try to find good in the woman who was chosen by your adult son, and focus more on positive, but not on shortcomings.
- Reconcile to the fact that the conflicts are inevitable as people always argued for various reasons. Not the prejudiced view openheartedly of situations will help with the relations with the daughter-in-law to focus on a problem from all directions, but not on the person.
- Do not consider the relation with the daughter-in-law a competition for your son: he loves both her, and you, and in it there are no contradictions. It is important to remember that the love takes different types, and the daughter-in-law legally takes the priority place in heart of your son.
- Never it is necessary to criticize the daughter-in-law in the presence of the son and also do not support to his critic in her address: you can express a regret about current situation, but not develop this subject and not ask on details.
- Talking to the son about his wife, correctly formulate thoughts, for example: It seems to me that to your wife it is awkward at my presence how you consider? What to undertake that she felt it is more weakened? Such formulation sounds more amicably, than: It me ignores all the time and does not want to talk to me.
- It is optional to you to love the daughter-in-law, but to be polite — a key to good relations. If you tried all acceptable methods to arrange a situation, and the warm relations are not reached, just remain polite and quiet: in such situation it is difficult to bad relation to take roots if at least one party does not clash in reply.
With the mother-in-law
That with the mother-in-law there were always pleasant relations, it is possible to take the following advice:
- You should not be suspicious of all advice which to you your mother-in-law gives.
- Do not listen to stories by girlfriends and employees about their negative attitudes with mother of the husband, and build the own kind relations: wisely arriving, perhaps, in it you will set an example of the mother-in-law. Even if it does not happen, then you keep respect of the husband as you will not support manipulations and the exhausting fight for his priority relation.
- It is impossible to attract children in the conflicts with the mother-in-law at all and also to manipulate them: it you will only achieve that they will distort idea of the correct relations in family.
- Be loyal, generous and ready to forgive. Remember that there are no ideal people, and you treat the same number.
- You carry out over yourself work on manifestation to the mother-in-law of respect at least for the reason that she is more senior than you and is more skilled, consider that each generation has the ideas of the family relations.
- Do not behave hypocritically in the relations with the husband's mother, condemning her behind the back, and in eyes showing loyalty — it you do not show respect, first of all, for yourself.
- Mother and the young wife, having become related, in advance wait for the conflicts and mutual misunderstanding as are in power of a stereotype: mothers-in-law cannot love daughters-in-law and vice versa. Who in such situation will show more wisdom and patience for preservation of peace, everyone has to solve.
Whether you know? In the ancient Roman family code treated a wedding as to the business contract, and the kiss of newlyweds upon termination of a wedding ceremony was equated to the press fastening it.
So far small children, parents for them — the absolute authority. When the child reaches teenage age, owing to the fact that the organism begins to grow strongly, the child survives the hormonal storm, and emotions get out of hand. Therefore between parents and children often there are misunderstanding and conflicts. Parents think now that their, once darling and the loving child, does not show to them respect any more though it not so. To smooth all roughnesses, parents need to be ready to show huge patience and readiness to help.
Here some simple councils for communication with the teenager:
- Give to the child reasonable freedom. The growing-up child often shows to parents that he already adult and can arrive irrespective of them. Parents in this case need to reconcile to the fact that he needs separate space (you do not come into its room, without having knocked; without the permission you should not take or touch its things; you do not bring the orders).
- Quietly accept refusals of joint actions (visits of theater, etc.).
- Be always open to communication. You should not press and impose the opinion, but at the same time and do not push away the teenager the indifference. Do not take offense if the child does not want to be frank. But when he will be ready to dialogue, find time to listen to him and to support.
- Put trust. You should not condemn at once the child if he to you admitted something, and do not try to check everything and to forbid. If learn to trust, he will not begin to hide further anything. It is clear, that parents very much worry for the maturing son or the daughter. Therefore and tell them that very much you worry about them if they, for example, late come back from a party, and encourage that they periodically called you and reported that are alive-are healthy.
- The praise inspires. Do not reproach and do not hurry to condemn the teenager for the fact that he, for example, is afraid to fail examination, and before it it was cooked seldom. You praise even for insignificant progress — it will give to the child of self-confidence and in the fact that you love him.
- Make friends with his friends. Do not abuse friends of the children — so you will lose good relations with the child: he will choose them and will meet them secretly. It is better to invite friends to you home and to communicate in a friendly atmosphere as equals. If someone from them was not pleasant to you, do not discuss the friend, and only his acts.
- Point to misses. Be not afraid that children will cease to love you if you is frank and in a valid form you will point by it to mistakes. If it is deserved, then reasonable measures of suppression always do well.
Read also about psychology of men in the relations with women.
Councils for strengthening of family and family relations
In order that in family there were as little as possible misunderstanding and the conflicts, concrete efforts for its association are necessary. Let's give some practical advice for strengthening of family bonds or restoration of the lost relations.
Joint dinner in the bosom of the family
Psychologists came to a conclusion that if family members in full strength gather at least once in day behind one dining table, these families are much stronger, they cope with the problems and troubles falling upon them easier. A joint dinner — a good occasion to mutually support and understand everyone in family and also together to discuss and solve common problems. It gives to each participant of a meal feeling of mutual assistance, necessity and a unification that helps formation of the moral principles.
Very well strengthens bonds in family introduction of own family traditions. For example, the leisures organized by joint efforts and with a good spirit, Sunday outdoor recreation during any period of year, the help to elderly relatives in the village, the organization of parties with friends or something else — any individual family tradition will lead to association of family members.
Segregation of duties
Also segregation of duties, for example, on cleaning of housing will be one of good actions for association. It will teach all family members to interact among themselves and to take the responsibility for a certain site of work. Simultaneous performance by adults and children of the general work infects with command spirit. Also examples adults will show the that any work is respected and appreciated, than will teach children even more validly to themselves to belong and be obedient.
It will be interesting to you to esteem what can be the relations between the man and the woman.
Care of each family member
If all family members set the object to care about each other, being sensitive, a step and personal interest in wellbeing of another, it eshch will strengthen family bonds more and will help to improve the grown cold relations.
Councils of psychologists
Here the list of some councils from psychologists for permission of the family conflicts peacefully and formations of good mutual understanding in family:
- Talk frankly. Be not afraid to discuss openly and validly what is not pleasant or does not suit one of family members and also a solution of these problems.
- Be able to reach compromise. Especially it concerns the moments, not players of too serious role.
- Postpone any aggression and the offensive speech and you learn to restrain during the conflicts.
- Show respect for personal space of each family member and his right for it.
- Sincerely and with desire care about each other in everyday and other issues.
- Constantly and with persistence you work on the relations.
- Deepen the knowledge of people's psychology of different gender and age, reading specialized literature, and put this knowledge into practice.
- Constantly look for ways to strengthen love and romantic feelings to each other all the joint life.
Each person is worthy that to him showed love, respect and care, and everyone has to treat in the same way and others. Especially it concerns family members. Though we can spend bigger time outdoors that physically and psychologically to be restored, it is important to us to feel the value and care which we can receive only in the family circle. The councils given in article will help to strengthen conjugal ties and to turn the family into reliable and smooth water.