All of us get into difficult situations of communication from time to time, we face roughness, misunderstanding, aggression. But some are lost and give in to impudent persons and offenders, they have nothing to tell and they cannot protect themselves, and others are more resolute and energetic, they respond with insult to insult, use fists and other powerful arguments. The third by all means seek to extinguish the conflict and to calm the debater, ready to renounce the interests, if only there was no noise and their reputation would not suffer.
But there are people who do not assimilate to shouters and are not rude in reply, keep surely and adequately, put the rowdy into place, without raising the voice and without breaking decencies. They understand that to avoid the conflicts – not always perhaps and therefore the main thing is not to fall most and to raise quality of communication to own high level.
What do they do?
They do not shout, do not argue and prove nothing, speak quietly and firmly.
Listen to another, without interrupting and allowing to express up to the end.
Do not label, do not accuse and do not stick. They use reception of Ya-message and instead of You – bad, You are guilty or All because of you is said: It is not pleasant to me, I do not want, It is unpleasant to me.
They do not seek to enrage the interlocutor ice tranquility or defiant behavior. They want him to understand their position. Avoid ambiguity and do as speak.
How to learn to keep advantage in the conflict?
If you faced misunderstanding and open hostility, lose confidence, are ready to break and shout or want to escape – use any of the listed receptions to remain quiet and reserved whatever occurred.
- What your purpose? All the time you remember what you want, and do not give in to attempts to confuse you. Your interlocutor will be let in charges, to remember the past or to pass to other subjects, to persuade, to threaten, to appeal to call of duty – do not distract and remain are quiet. Do not justify, do not argue, do not explain. Repeat what he has to hear and understand. Do not get into arguments – let's it tell everything that he wants, and again repeat the words – resolutely and firmly. Then your opponent will understand that further prepiraniye are useless.
- You do not become personal. You speak about a problem, about a situation, but not about each other. If you are tightened in a similar conversation – return it to the necessary course.
- Control the behavior. You do not tease the interlocutor. If you faced inadequate behavior when the partner does not hear you, is not self-controlled and all in the power of emotions – join his state. If he shouts – shout too, but without anger and irritation, and keeping internal calm. He angrily questions – What at you for orders?! How it is possible to treat people so?!, answer with a pressure and indignation – Yes it is valid how many it can proceed??! The response unexpected for the noisy opponent will calm down it, and he will be ready to speak with you.
- Do not try to seem to those whom you are not. When you are offended, do not answer the same if you the well-mannered and delicate person. You will never surpass the boor and will not beat the squirt his weapon if you do not own it. But you have the – your manners and richness of the speech.
Estimable and admiration the answer was given by one elderly intelligent lady, the former teacher who standing went by the crowded bus when the young rude fellow threw her with rage: That you shake here, the bitch old! To me crushed legs!. Having turned back, she told: Do you address me, the young man? Forgive, did not expect, I weak and old – what I am a bitch, in my years! You flatter me! Young man retired to the background and jumped out at the next stop, without knowing what to tell and how to behave further.