The person during the life endures several transition periods and teenage age is one of the most difficult of them. Hard it is necessary not only to the teenager, but also people who surround him at this time. To considerably facilitate life to itself and the child and also as much as possible it is possible to protect the teenager from the risks connected with the transition period from the child to the adult, having learned to communicate with the teenager.
Actually to begin work on itself and it is desirable to build the correct relations with the child from the first day of his life. On this subject the psychologists wrote a set of articles. But let's look at a situation from the point of view of ordinary parents. There are several options of development of the relations in family:
- authoritative education,
- full or partial estrangement,
Authoritative education assumes implicit implementation of all requirements of parents irrespective of desires of the child. In family there is a strict hierarchy in which the child occupies steadily the lowest step and has no right to vote. Authoritative education is most convenient from the point of view of parents, the child, being under constant psychological pressure, is obedient, never contradicts and silently executes orders of parents.
However, in adulthood to such person it will be difficult. The person who is afraid to contradict parents hesitates to contradict in general anyone. The child who is brought up intimidation blackmail to which do not grant the right to express the opinion and it has no right to this opinion too, will hardly grow the self-assured person. At teenage age the child will try to ego-trip in various ways, not always safe for it and people around. And having felt freedom from parental control can make mistakes which will be afraid to admit to parents, and it is huge risk that the teenager will get into trouble, it will appear in a situation of which to find a way out very difficult, and alone it is impossible. Most often such education is caused by desire of parents to save the child from mistakes, to protect it, than dislike for the child.
Estrangement it is possible to call disinterest, bezrazliy family members to each other or perception by the child's parents as something inanimate. At such relationship the child grows in itself, parents know about his life a little and though externally the family can be very safe, the child suffers from lack of attention. When the teenager gets into trouble, parents cannot understand why so occurred, no conflicts in family existed.
The friendly relations in family are a love, respect, interest, common causes and interests, it both noisy quarrels, and impetuous fun. Such education gives to the child confidence that houses safely that houses will always understand it and will accept, despite its mistakes, misses. Success or failure are experienced together, but never parents estimate the child on his achievements or mistakes.
The best - from the very first days of life to become the child another, support, not to sponsor, imposing the experience, and to allow to fill own cones, to teach to make decisions and to be responsible for them. It is less than criticism and a barren praise: let the child learn to achieve goals surely. The most difficult is to understand, to direct softly, without imposing the opinion. Allow the teenager to shout if he wants to shout. Allow to have own preferences in food, in clothes, in music. Support the teenager in his hobbies. Listen to the teenager even if it seems that he talks a complete nonsense and does not observe subordination. We, adults, often are obsessed with own life, pushing into the background requirements and experiences of own children. It is a big mistake. Certainly, control is necessary. But not persuasive total control. And quiet and giving in to a logical explanation, clear to your teenager.
For example, "I know the password from your page on social network, but I do not need to look through your correspondence. I have to have fast access to your personal information only in case you get into trouble and only to have an opportunity in due time to help you". At the same time such approach allows to recognize better the teenager, to be aware of his requirements and hobbies, own example and on own mistakes to learn, to bring up the teenager, without tying by it hands, without closing it companies.
Sometimes there such hormonal storm and to the maturing person it is difficult to control the emotions at these moments. It is important to understand, direct, let know that you do not condemn, and you understand him. Than to deride the teenager's problems, help council. Also long notations are not necessary, please. It is better to express sharply, sometimes and not to regret strong language that krastko to express the relation to a situation. The long conversation will lead only to rolling of eyes and manifestation of the negativism peculiar to people of teenage age. If there is a discontent with behavior, speak directly, do not wriggle. But also do not criticize.