Quite often creation of harmonious family is impossible from the first. Marrying repeatedly, the woman can face presence at the husband of children from first marriage. The main thing to remember that other people's children are not. The patience, desire to make contact and knowledge of some bases of behavior will help to establish trusting, friendly relationship in family.
Instruction
1. Whatever age there was a child, the way to his heart lies through attention, care and caress. Try that your voice was friendly, and a smile - sincere. Children sharply feel falseness in behavior of adults. If you are not ready to close communication, do not force an event. Give time to yourself and to the child to get used to each other. Observation and collection of information will be the first stage: what dishes are loved by the child, fairy tales, movies, etc.
2. Try to agree. Most often aggression of the child is caused by the negative statements of his mother about all events. Tactfully explain to the stepson or the stepdaughter that you do not bear the malice and are not going to take the honourable maternal place. Ask permissions of the child to be to him just a friend and the assistant. It is also necessary to improve the relations and with the former spouse of the husband. Nobody asks you to become the best friends, but you will be forced to resolve many issues of rather children's education together. Try to prove that in the current situation the conflicts are inappropriate - first of all the child will suffer.
3. In the absence of biological mother (death, etc.) the child can feel jealousy: to same they somehow coped with the father together. Stock up with patience. If in the house there were mother's things, make thrifty use of them. Respect memory of the child and husband. Show to the child as you love his father: words, acts. Mention at the same time that you love also the child, he a part of your family now. Type phrases will be successful: "You know, I very much love your father and I want to make him happy. But to us it is important for happiness that to you it was good and comfortable. The problem is that I do not understand that you love and that is not present. Will you help me with it to understand?".
4. Find with the child of a common ground. It can be the general hobbies, the help in educational activity and other. You praise progress of the child more often and tactfully point to defects in behavior. Avoid type phrases: "Well you for the clumsy! Weigh in mother!". Children love when they are let into any secret. Ask to help to make a surprise to the head of family: to make a dinner or to choose a gift. Do not try to re-educate already developed children's character, in reply receive: "Do not specify to me what to do! You to me not mother!". Act more tactfully: "The father praised you for the fact that you... why at me you are another?" or "The reasons of your acts are interesting to me. If you explain them, we will be able to come to mutual understanding".
5. Ask the spouse to participate in building relations process. You descend or go somewhere three together. It is important to avoid comparison with the real mother of the child. Let the husband will refuse statements and any advertizing in favor of you, for example: "As you tasty cook borsch, and here... name... was not able to do it!".
6. If you have a child from first marriage too, it is recommended to refuse the comparative analysis of both children: this studies, etc. better. Try to consider all interests, and in quarrels to be the most objective, abstracting from vital bonds. Explain to children that there is no concept "the - the stranger" in the real family, and for any attempts of discrimination the strict punishment will follow. Nevertheless do not force children to play always with each other if they do not want it. Only gradual rapprochement and search of joint interests will create the fortress of the relations.