In family life there is both a mutual understanding, and the conflicts. Sometimes, that couple quarrels because of an utter nonsense. But what to do if the conflict after all took place: to go for reconciliation or to wait until it is made by it? Sometimes there is a wish that the husband took the first step, but to arrange it not always happens simply.
Why the woman of the first goes for reconciliation?
Practice shows that with the family it is the most difficult to be reconciled. It is possible to explain such phenomenon with the fact that the susceptibility of people to acts of darlings is overestimated. Offenses which were caused by relatives scar more. At the same time the person is almost not able to estimate soberly them and to worry easily. But, nevertheless, if darling offended, seek for reconciliation with it.
Psychologists advise the woman to go for reconciliation of the first. For this purpose they consider the basis the fact that it is simpler to it to make it because of stronger emotional party. Experts are not mistaken in it, but matter not only in forgiveness. If the woman goes for reconciliation of the first, so at heart she already forgave the husband.
How to force the husband to go the first for reconciliation?
The main reason for which it does not want to forgive before it is the fear that the similar situation will repeat. And then the husband will understand that it is optional to be reconciled with the wife the first, she will always do it instead of him. Thus, he will not consider himself guilty, and his behavior under similar circumstances will become the norm. There is a question why such husband who will constantly offend the wife remorselessly is necessary. But unfortunately, life is arranged so that not one person is imperfect. They can not notice the errors, however, such is reality. Therefore the easiest and effective way to point to the person to his mistakes, it to force it to feel the same on itself. It is not enough only to want to reconcile with the husband, it is necessary to be able to make it so that he understood the fault. It is necessary to force him to realize mistakes which he made not to repeat them in the future. Here it is necessary to work after careful consideration, operating at the same time the emotions. There are several stages of a conversation with the husband: 1. The instruction to the husband on his wine.2. To make so that the man learned to listen. 3. Transition to a key part of the problem. 4. Listening of arguments of the husband. As for the first stage, sometimes the man just does not know about the fault, but can not approach the wife out of pride. Perhaps, during scandal the wife offended it so that he does not want to be reconciled by the first now. However the reason can be also that the husband is simply confident in the correctness. He looks at circumstances only from one point of view. Whatever situation was, there are reasons for which the husband considers that the truth on his party. It is necessary to understand that his and her outlook disperses therefore it needs to indicate existence of other point of view. In the second point it is necessary to force the husband to listen to himself. For a start just it is necessary to apologize. It will dispose the person to the interlocutor, and he will want to listen to him. And it what is necessary for the wife now. If it is correct to look at life, then it is possible to understand — always is what to apologize for. It can be both rough words, and the increased tone, and impatience. It is just necessary to explain to the man for what apologies sounded. Now it is possible to pass to the following item. Once the husband explains the point of view, whenever possible without using in the speech of the unions "but", "and", "only". At the same time it is necessary to try not to come over to the his side. It is necessary to describe to the husband those feelings and pain which it felt during the quarrel. It is so possible to show him as it was taken a detached view. And, at last, last point. It is necessary to listen to the husband. It is necessary to remember that the unilateral conversation will not bring big results. Therefore it is necessary to allow it to express. It is not necessary to wait from the man of apologies, but if he tells about understanding of that pain which she endured, and will report what more than it will not allow, it will already be a victory from the wife. It is not necessary to tighten with a conversation. After the wife understands that the husband realized everything, it is necessary to close a conversation. Thus, next time he will be able to overcome the pride and to go for reconciliation by the first.