In our life there is a set of surprises and surprises, but they not always are pleasant. Unfortunately, from a divorce any couple is not insured. Why so there was also that needs to be undertaken, will be considered in this article.
Possible reasons of leaving of the wife
The woman at all modern surroundings was and remains the keeper of a home, and she needs to be offended very strongly that it took and left the husband. Even betrayal of the wife has several other roots, than treason of the husband: here everything is much more dramatic and deeper. Exceptions only confirm the rule: the wife to the last will keep family. But also here the principle of compression of a spring is possible too: it all the same will once be straightened.
The woman is infinitely long held by hope: that from life of the husband alcohol will disappear what he will remember, at last, that the supporter that the husband will be attentive both to it, and to children. Here examples it is possible to give weight. But as soon as the woman leaves, even the most unperturbable, most cynical man can enter a stupor: it suddenly understands that it lost a point of support, meaning of life. And it is good if the thrown husband for the first time wants to analyze a situation: it will be the most effective correction of mistakes.
Widespread mistakes of the abandoned husbands
Official rating of widespread mistakes which the abandoned husbands managed to make now does not exist — too much in life of options. Some of them will be described further.
Read how to endure a divorce.
Behavior of the henpecked
If in the men's company one of its participants tells a solid hour how to it it is bad (the wife left the house, help, I want to return it), then he will hear both councils, and comments. Also such phrase will be obligatory: And you be not a henpecked!. Very often such summary hits the nail. Perhaps, many women dream of that the husband always and in everything was conducted, her word was the last, all in the house and in family developed as it wants that. But such men quickly bother many women. The henpecked is the male never answering, without own opinion, occupying the territory allocated to it, and not always looking after her and not bringing a certain financial contribution.
The matriarchy in the house is natural to it, and, above all — is convenient. Such state of affairs will cause a revolt in the wife sooner or later, even the strongest woman sometimes wants to hide for a wide male back or, what is much more often, to lean on a reliable male shoulder.
Important! Often take the man in love who is ready to listen and indulge in everything to the soulmate for the henpecked. Over time, when the sharp phase of love passes, the man turns from the henpecked into the ordinary man.
Entreaties about forgiveness
Treason — the most frequent cause of a divorce. The assumption about what men of a poligamna, is accepted not by all wives and not all from them can forgive treason. But sometimes the changed husband undertakes cardinal measures and returns the wife. One of such measures — entreaty about forgiveness. This potent agent if to use it only once. The changed husband can arrange the procedure of entreaty differently: with flowers and being kneeling, with really heart attack and a hospital bed, with regular walkers lawyers from among friends and relatives or still something similar. The thrown husband, and not just the thrown wife, quite often uses such low blow as the entreaty strengthened by children's voices.
To trust or not to trust, forgive or not — here everyone solves. But there are such concepts as the right for a mistake and the last chance. There are many examples of when one shake-up, global on the scale of family, is enough that marriage was restored and transformed to others, warmer, the relations.
Declaration of love
If forgiveness took place, rehabilitation is necessary. The most effective is a declaration of love. But only when the love is alive — had, hardly recovering, but live, imitation will all the same be shown therefore air declaration of love when it is absent any more is better not to shake.
Learn what reasons, types and consequences of treason.
Here also another is important: making a declaration of love has to say what feels, and the one to whom admit this love has to understand about what the speech. If spouses managed to reach the friend the friend — will manage and to keep family in which for love there will be a place of honor.
Control
If someone is deeply convinced that only control can remain faithful the husband or the wife, is not so. First, the humiliating condition of controllable is explosive. Secondly, everything cannot be checked. It is better not to use control even reasonably. It is possible to watch that the second half had no wet feet or did not forget to have dinner, in time took medicine or congratulated mother on a holiday.
Then control takes the form of care which surely has to reign in family. But if feelings got out of hand, you should not strengthen and toughen it: it will not help. Perhaps, it is not late simply frank to talk that in your family not so.
Important! It is better not to discuss who is guilty that marriage appeared on the verge of a gap, and is better to discuss what to do in this case. Often this moment is the only lifebuoy of family.
Material blackmail
What precisely cannot be done, so it to apply material blackmail. You will not receive reception kopeks if … can work not in all families. But also in where at first works, then comes to naught: the second party or will begin to use cunning and steal elementary money from the family budget, or will be developed and will leave, what is much more honest. Reasonably arrive in those families where right at the beginning, even before emergence of a situation with a divorce, stipulate the commodity-money relations. It is difficult not to agree with mercantile Europe in this plan — there practically each family is under construction on the marriage contract, and rational grain is here as it excludes material blackmail at any deal.
At us, unfortunately, such method still difficult takes root therefore often that spouse who earns more or has the right for housing uses a blackmail method.
Irreconcilability
The church considers the most important sin intolerance and inability to forgive nearly, and it is difficult not to agree with it. The one who constantly argues reserves the right of the last word, does not accept others opinion — sooner or later is doomed to loneliness. In this case, if not to work on itself, it will be possible to keep family hardly, any, even to the most patient wife, will sometime bother that in family do not reckon with her opinion.
How to return the beloved wife to family
Keyword in this question — darling. Unloved you should not return: she feels it and if she decided to leave, so more just cannot be in such situation. And home it is necessary to fight for return of the beloved wife. There are two mutually exclusive extremes: long it is dangerous to be shaken, but also to force events too.
For a start it is necessary to undertake the following:
- to step through rage and to reject desire to revenge;
- to make the most detailed analysis of the mistakes;
- even if there is no own fault, to the first to ask forgiveness that allowed a gap;
- it is frank to tell how to you it is bad without it.
That moment is especially important if in family there are children. Nobody cancelled care of them therefore begin to keep all promises made by it — a trip to aquapark, a visit of puppet theater, a PTA meeting, the new designer or a lodge for Barbie. Remember how many empty promises you made to the children, and begin to carry out them at least now.
Whether you know? The tradition came to carry wedding rings from Ancient Egypt. The girl and the guy as a sign of love gave each other the rings weaved out of reed.
If she stopped loving
If already the ex-wife not just left, and told that she stopped loving, here it is necessary thoroughly to rummage in itself. Just like that it is impossible to stop loving. Means, you helped it with it.
The egoism, inattention, negligence, surplus load which you did not notice the forgotten wedding anniversary and outright regard passing by women — these and other nuances collected until instead of tears in a pillow the wife did not tell herself: Everything, from me is enough!. It is possible to try to correct a situation, but guarantees that former feelings will return to your darling no.
If fell in love with another
Everything is much worse if the wife, leaving, told that now she has other person with whom she fell in love. In this case you can make for it only one — to release and to mentally wish it good luck even if and at the price of own.
If left with the child
Most often when parting children remain with mother, and it is normal. In such situation your task is to let know to the child that he is also dear to you, as well as before. Whatever your relations with the wife were, you always have to remember that you have a child, and you for him — the only father.
Try to keep with it trusting relationship, be interested in his life, whenever possible you spend much time together. It is quite possible that the wife, having seen as touchingly you communicate with the child and as you care for him, will think that she made a mistake, and will return to you.
If she does not want to come back
Having learned the reason for which the wife does not want to come back, it is necessary either to accept it, or to make everything that such reason was not from now on. And here, as well as in other cases, it is necessary to begin with itself, with introspection.
Whether you know? The average married couple spends alone only 4 minutes a day.
And it is necessary to analyze everything extremely honestly, without feeling sorry for own feelings, having stepped through the ambitions. Try to define the mistakes and to recognize them then report about it to the wife.
If after that she does not agree to marriage continuation, so it is necessary to accept current situation with advantage, without hysterics and reproaches and also to learn this vital lesson which will allow you not to make further similar mistakes in the following relations.
Councils of the psychologist
Any psychologist will tell that it is always necessary to begin with itself. Try to look at your marriage from outside. For example, take a clean sheet of paper, divide it into 2 half, on one write positive sides of your union, and on the second — negative. If in the first half of pluses not so there is a lot of, then and it is not necessary to worry: just you with this person different people.
How anew to return its feelings and to kindle love
It is necessary to be ready at once to what to make it it will be difficult. Remember for what you were once fallen in love by the wife. For certain she spoke to you about it. Try to remember what you were while only got acquainted that then united you. Try to recreate several situations which will remind your spouse of how you were happy once together.
How to regain the trust and respect
The most common cause of the crash of marriage — treason of the husband. And if your union is expensive to you, then it is necessary to make every effort to regain the trust and respect of the deceived spouse. Be ready to great difficulties in this case, to cardinal changes in themselves and the way of life. And as soon as the wife will see that you put her and your family above all, the trust and respect for you slowly will return.
Even if it seems to you that the divorce is inevitable, there is always a chance to return the beloved wife. If move you only sincere and real feelings if the loved one is dear to you, then the new elect of your second half will not even be able to become an obstacle.