When children grow up, they want to receive independence, to separate from parents, and it is natural. Adult children have the life, the problems and desires, experience and judgments. But this process takes place not always easily. On the one hand parents quite often perceive children as small who need to be sponsored always, or, on the contrary, as the continuation which is obliged to them by the life. On the other hand, the children who got used to hothouse conditions in the house of parents are not absolutely ready to leave them.
1. Psychologists consider that each person on the way to the independence passes four stages of separation (separations from parents). First, it is emotional separation when the dependence of the young man or girl on parental opinion, approvals or not approvals gradually decreases. Secondly, assessment of the outside world is overcome by parental eyes, the person develops an own view of the world founded on personal experience and mistakes. Besides, the separation from parents is impossible if there is no so-called functional separation, i.e. ability to provide themselves and the requirements independently. And, at last, the children leaving parents should not feel for it guilty to them.
2. The first step to independence of parents is an understanding of the psychological problems. If nothing prevents you to leave the parental house and to begin independent life, but you do not do it or look for occasions to explain also to yourself, and other people the indecision, so the reason is in you. Try to understand that it. You are afraid that parents will consider you traitors and the ungrateful person? You are afraid that you will not cope with the independence and it is necessary to return with the hung head and an inferiority complex? And, maybe, it is just convenient to you not to make any decisions, not to be responsible for the acts, not to think of daily bread? Sort out yourself and define whether you want independence or you accept dependence. If it is impossible to put the thoughts in order, address the professional psychologist.
3. You should not bring up a question of the independence by shouts and quarrels with parents. At first think over as you will live without parents, yours will pull for itself(himself) a chain of problems which should be solved independently. First of all, it is life and finance.
4. Begin to serve yourself independently right now. Wash the clothes, make for yourself dinners, remove the apartment, etc. In order that in practice to understand what you are capable of, it is possible to live some time at the dacha without parents, at the girlfriend or some distant relative.
5. Stop to take money from parents. Look for good work or if you still study, a side job. Learn to plan the expenses and to commensurate earnings with your desires. For this purpose not superfluous will be to get "accounts department" and to count everything.
6. If you are pursued by any adversities, try to tell about it to parents as little as possible. You ignore some ticklish subjects. The less parents know about it, the less occasions will discuss, argue, draw or sort out the relations. Better get acquainted with people who have approximately same problems in relationship with parents to give mutual support and to ask councils.
7. Try to find for yourself certain housing. It is possible to rent apartment or to receive the room in the hostel – such opportunity almost all students have. And if you had an opportunity to go abroad on a training, do not miss it.
8. Remember that parents will endure your office even if they suggest otherwise to you. Saving them from life alone, you act only to the detriment of yourself, and will make nobody happy – either them, or yourself. Understand that if you separately live, your relations will not stop, they will just change. You with parents will be not senior and younger, heads and subordinates, and partners, colleagues, people who can always give each other the help and support.