Diffident people, as a rule, attract to themselves partners with whom as a result there are discomfortable relations. The passivity, inability to build up the relationship so that the partner reckoned with your vital needs, installations, the principles can be the cause. How does the uncertainty affect other person? How not to fall a chronic ""victim of love""? How to find self-confidence?
Probably, each of us tries to find ""half"" which will respect our interests and feelings, to reckon with our opinion. But often happens that darling becomes huge disappointment, and the ""affected"" party feels as ""the victim of love"". So can long proceed, the passion does not save the situation, and sooner or later even the ideal sexual harmony comes to naught. There can be several unsuccessful marriages where replacement of the partner will not lead to desired consent in family, and ""the victims of love"" experience sincere surprise - as so, I am a quite good person!
And it is valid, the people differing in the soft, passive relation to life cause unaccountable sympathy. They are pleasant, compliant, delicate. Fear of the conflicts forces them to apologize, agree infinitely with unprofitable offers, to accept the imposed conditions. Externally it is people frictionless, peace, sincere. Their usual words in awkward situations - ""anything terrible" ", " "there are no problems"", they are trouble-free and agree to comply with requests which are a burden on them, and even in damage - moral or material. It is easy for such people ""to push around"" that most often and occurs. They tend toThey tend to forgive deception, offenses, and even frank impudence. Conceding to more dominating persons, ""the victims of love"" remove the feelings, interests and requirements on the vital periphery, devoting themselves to execution of others desires, trying to correspond to the conditions imposed from the outside.
If to look what is created ""behind the scenes"" in soul of such person, then it is possible to see that the seeming absence of conflict - illusion. Keeping the emotions around, these people sometimes speak ""yes"", suppressing an internal protest. Enduring humiliation, they will not begin ""to hit back"" instantly though in them dark aggression is saved. And when all patience will be exhausted - these meek creatures are capable of powerful emotional explosion which can carry ""in down and feathers"" the developed relations and the adjusted life. Their revolt becomes a bolt from the blue for people around, and internal devastation, a long stress and a depression, total disappointment in the partner and a low self-assessment becomes result of such revolt most often.
How to change itself how to stop being ""the victim of love""? The most important is to get rid of fear to lose the partner. Perhaps, the fear to refuse to the partner anything - is from the childhood? Be not afraid to address the professional psychologist, train will power and tactfulness, disaccustom yourself to thoughts to manipulate people - and then attempts will manipulate your fears to break against your confidence and tranquility in decision-making. It is necessary to learn to speak ""no"" if impose you unprofitable or inconvenient conditions, ask about favors which are a burden on you. The refusal has to be kind, but unshakable. Thus you teach the partner to reckon with your time, forces, feelings and interests. And the reason for internal irritation and the hidden rage just will not be. You remember: you have a personal space, and it is allowed to anybody to interfere there without the permission, to establish there the orders. Softly, but unshakably stop attempts to control you - to read your letters, to distract you from necessary works, subordinating your personal time momentary whims and insistent requirements. However, there are two parties: you have to understand too that control over other person destroys the relations therefore you should not do secretly ""audit"" in personal space of the partner. Respect limits of personal and others' freedom. Introduce the ideas directly, in a correct, not offensive form, demand the same from the partner, gradually ""straightening"" relationship. However, you should be also attentive listener, to learn to put yourself to the place of another and to understand other point of view. Formulas have to become the most correct words in dialogue: ""I would like..." ", " "it seems to me that..." ", " "I think that...."". Give the partner a chance to explain the position. Such dialogue strengthens the personal relations and promotes mutual understanding and respect. The unreliable partner will not approach the self-assured person as at once will feel that here manipulations at the level of the personal relations are impossible and useless. The self-assured woman will attract the strong and reliable man, and the self-assured man - the sincere and devoted woman. Self-confidence is not born together with the person, but develops throughout life. A confidence basis - respect for own personality and the identity of another. If the person is not able to build joint life on self-esteem - hardly the potential partner will respect ""half"". And if you do not respect the partner and to run roughshod ""over other's feelings"" - it is possible that once your union will be smashed when at your partner the margin of safety and patience runs low. Be attentive to the partner, in relationship it is impossible to be blind people. Not developed private life can become payment for a blindness.