How to stop loving the person whom very strongly you love — councils of the psychologist

The love is fine feeling provided that it is mutual. In couple where one loves, and another allows to love itself, still there can be more or less normal relations, but when the love is frankly meek, with it it is necessary to do something. How to rip hotly favourite guy out of heart and to force itself to live without it, we will try to think together.

How to stop loving the guy who does not love you

Perhaps, there will come times when effective drugs for love are on sale in usual drugstores. While there is no it, for healing of the broken hearts the set of councils and techniques is offered, but their effectiveness is always ambiguous: what helps one is not suitable for another at all.

There are several standard recommendations which can help to forget darling. Give vent to the feelings. Perhaps, having closed in the room and prorydav in a pillow two days in a row, you will feel that it became much easier for you, and not so it was good as it seemed to you.

Important! It is better to suffer alone. It is possible to cry, of course, on a shoulder at the best friend, but usually the effect of such therapy is not too high (by the way, the reverse situation works much better — if the girlfriend cries on your shoulder, and you will need to calm her).

Having cried at ease, get out of the sink in people. Communicate, broaden the horizons, meet new people. Give to the brain new food and positive emotions. If to stay at home with the swelled-up eyes in the worn-out slippers and to feel sorry for itself, healing will take place much more slowly.

Remove everything that reminds of it about an eye: the joint photos, its things forgotten in your house, the gifts given them, etc. If you together watched any soap opera which did not end yet, stop viewing and switch to something else. Limit communication with mutual friends or ask them not to mention it in a talk at you.

Think that at absence from its party of reciprocal feeling to you there is no sense to catch at a straw and to look for continuations of the relations: even if it will be with you, you will not find in such proximity of happiness. It is much more productive not to waste time and to go further, as we know, any door which is closed before a nose surely means that somewhere another nearby opened.

Learn also how to understand that the man stopped loving.

What longer you will be fixated on by what is not fated to come true, that more likely miss the true love (perhaps, it somewhere absolutely nearby, but you who went blind from false hopes just do not notice it).

Try to understand: he is not guilty that your feelings to it are not mutual therefore destructive is also to try:

• to revenge;
• to show that his darling is unworthy it;
• to be angry and tell all mutual friends who he is a villain.

Be adjusted on a positive. Release it. Find to yourself the pleasant and safe hobby which is not connected with love experiences which will occupy you at least for several weeks. Transfer the rejected love to the one who needs it, but never you will give.

Visit the next homeless animals shelter and spend several hours there. Sign up for riding courses. You do not love animals — just you go to a concert of the favourite singer or buy the new gadget.

How to stop loving the guy whom very strongly you love

If the love really was very strong, to forget it without pain it will not turn out. To rip out of heart the real feeling happens not less hard, than to endure amputation of body or to bury close therefore the main thing that will need to be made, is to link teeth and to suffer. After all, pain will begin to weaken.

Important! Mental anguish which the person feels at loss of love is a kind of a disease. When we are sick, we need the sparing mode, dietary food and the minimum loadings, but not sport, adrenaline and active holiday.

The most widespread and terrible mistake at a healing stage after a heavy gap is to fight fire with fire. The broken heart is not ready to the new relations at all therefore to try to build them — it is all the same what to jump with a parachute with the broken leg: what under other circumstances could deliver the sea of pleasure in the presence of a serious physical trauma will not bring anything, except new pain, bigger, than former. You will subconsciously compare the new guy to former, still favourite, and this comparison will always be not in favor of the present. As a result instead of forgetting former love, you will reopen old sores again and again, without allowing it to drag on.

The similar situation is usually aggravated with the fact that as wedge the dumped girlfriend, following the line of least resistance, usually chooses the old admirer who had no in her eyes before the slightest chance of success, otherwise, replacement obviously is unequal.

Read how to forget the former man.

The second rule which observance is necessary for the speedy recovery is an understanding of the disease and desire to recover from it.

If from time to time to begin to call darling and low to offer itself, to watch him and to rastravlivat the wounds, seeing as he is happy, secretly to hope that day will come, and he will understand how he was not right, without paying to you attention — the love as a cancer tumor, will expand in your soul, poisoning her with the poison more and more.

How to forget if you see it constantly

The majority of recipes on treatment from one-way love agrees on the principle: out of sight, out of mind. Unfortunately, this condition is not always achievable. For example, it is difficult to exclude from life of the boy, the guy, the man if it is about the schoolmate, the classmate, the neighbor, the colleague, that is about the one whom willy-nilly it is necessary to see constantly. However in that the charm of psychological science also consists that possession of its bases allows even the most, apparently, unprofitable situation to turn in own favor. So, if it is impossible to remove it from life, we change tactics. And diametrically.

So, the general sense is clear. We do not turn away, we do not hide an eye, we do not try to shirk school only not to meet. On the contrary, carefully, without drawing to itself attention, very attentively it it is watched.

Whether you know? To the girl suffering from one-way love to the actor Oleg Menshikov, the hero of one of novels by B. Akunin advised to be locked in the room and to watch the movie The Barber of Siberia without interruption, to positive result. The effect of therapy was such: after the 23rd viewing — Olezhek! God!, after the 57th (three more days later) — recovery of appetite, manifestation of interest in an opposite sex, an absolute recovery.

Present: he stands on the stage one, beams of all possible searchlights are directed to him, and you — in the hall, invisible, but everything noticing. Or it — the beautiful butterfly clamped between microscope fragments of glass, and you — the scientist who clung to magnifying glass.

In principle, this tactics is already enough in order that at some point it ceased to seem ideal and began to irritate. But it is possible to accelerate process. Play the psychologist. Try to find in him 1–2 most important qualities which it could be characterized. At this stage do not try to concentrate on bad, on the contrary, honestly pay attention to what in it so attracts you. When a choice is made and label is found, all the rest, as they say — a trick.

It is known that any line of human character as a coin, has two parties: in one case it can be perceived as advantage, in another — as a shortcoming. Everything depends on a point of view.

Important! Having found the most important lines in the hero, change a point of view for them. Consider shortcomings that it seemed advantage.

This idea (in delights look for shortcomings) was very capaciously formulated by the character of the well-known comedy Lope de Vega Dog in the manger. Re-read the immortal work or at least watch its excellent screen version — for the person enduring the sincere drama, this occupation in itself will become good medicine. Not to fall to primitive high — a kalancha, small — the pudge, we will give several more striking examples that it was more clear what it is about:

Having trained thus some time, with high probability you will soon feel that the subject of your recent adoration somehow by itself left the pedestal.

Important! To look for shortcomings of others — occupation not really worthy. Do not forget — you use it only as medicine, do not allow this game to become your habit and you speak to nobody about experiments.

How very quickly to stop loving the ex-boyfriend

Treatment from love never takes place in one stage. It is always process, and the only really effective medicine here — time. But sometimes there is a strong wish to reduce process duration to a minimum, too intolerable loss pain seems. For acceleration of process it is very important to make at once so that reminded nothing of former love. And it is necessary to make it strictly and irrevocably.

We remove everything that anyway is connected with it from life:

• photos in paper form — to tear or burn, electronic — to remove;
• to return things and gifts (not personally, through friends), to regift or throw out — depending on value;
• the general contacts — to interrupt, at least for a while;
• places where it is possible to happen or get under a wave of memoirs — to bypass the tenth road;
• — to erase its number in memory of phone that there was no opportunity to call even if very much it will want;
• from his friends in social networks to be removed and also to remove it from the friends.

Whether you know? Some animals, having got to a trap, in the aspiration to break loose, bite off own paw. Contrary to common opinion, not only wolves, but also other animals, in particular, polar foxes, raccoons, lynxes are capable of such act.

So, it's done, but it is only the first step. Now following, not less important, the task is to occupy itself. Long ago it is known that in the presence of interesting work or any occupation demanding high concentration, time passes very quickly, and in a brain just there is no place left for sufferings. But lonely evenings and nights and also the days off and holidays are the most terrible hours for the person enduring a heavy gap.

Means, it is necessary to make so that free time remained as little as possible, and by the evening your organism was so exhausted physically that, having hardly touched a pillow, you failed in a deep sleep at once. Long it is impossible to sustain in such rhythm, of course, but it and it is not necessary: only the first days happen the heaviest usually, at most in few weeks the sharpness of loss will become dull, and it will be possible to relax a little.

It is possible to solve this problem in several ways, having received at the same time additional bonuses:

One reservation: do not forget about golden rule of A. Saint-Exupéry about responsibility for those whom you tamed. Do not give anybody false hopes. Just do work which is necessary to someone.

When you feel that it became better for you, you have to have an opportunity to return to normal life so that not to be ashamed of the leaving. Be honest before themselves and before others.

We recommend to esteem how to stop loving the man not to suffer and release.

How to understand that she not fallen in love this person any more

Sometimes happens so that over itself, it seems, and did not do any efforts, and feelings, still yesterday such strong, somehow grew dull, shrank and, apparently, were almost gone. That the love leaves, such symptoms demonstrate:

1. Life ceased to be divided into two parts: with it and without it when full only the first seems.
2. The choice with whom to spend evening — together with darling, houses in front of the TV or with girlfriends in cafe — any more does not seem such obvious, moreover, the last two options seem more and more attractive.
3. The forthcoming meeting does not cause trembling nervousness and pleasant thoughts on a subject any more: what to put on what to prepare, than to surprise. In plans for future appointment of a thought gradually flow in the plane under the conditional name yes what difference!.
4. The thought that he can see you without ideal hairstyle and a make-up does not cause horror any more.
5. Having learned some disturbing news, there is a wish to share it with the girlfriend, the neighbor, with someone according to the list where it does not win first place any more.
6. At the word rest there is an association not with it, and from it.
7. Having seen it with other woman, it does not seem to you that the sky fell to the ground, and life is ended more likely you feel surprise — that it found in it?.
8. Some of its habits to which you did not pay attention earlier or perceived as a reason for lovely mockery seriously irritate now.
9. When you together are in the company of mutual friends, you are proud for it not as earlier, and awkwardness and shame are more often (it is not so dressed, not that speaks, is not able to hold in hand tableware, etc.).
10. You mentally collect the offenses caused them in a certain virtual moneybox, finding the strange joy and satisfaction that it is constantly filled.
11. When he with enthusiasm speaks, you silently nod, and think of something special.
12. You cannot choose what movie or transmission to watch and if you agree on something, then never react equally to what occurs on the screen.

Generally, it is necessary to understand that listed above and another similar signs are shown by it sooner or later in any relations and absolutely not necessarily mean that everything is lost forever.

Whether you know? The research of the reasons for which people most often commit suicide, demonstrates that the unfortunate love in overall rating takes only the fifth place. Leader positions in this sad list are taken: alcoholism, the depression caused by a chain of unpleasant accidents, loneliness and hereditary predisposition.

Perhaps, the love just passes from the first phase when it is similar to the fast mountain river, into following — quieter and measured. At this moment it is important not to panic and in time to adjust to the new level of the relations where the tone is set by spiritual, but not physical proximity, mutual respect, but not sexual desire.

But if with loss of sharpness of feelings and all-consuming passion in soul there is only an emptiness and irritation to once darling, can safely leave. To look for ways how quicker to stop loving, it is not required to you. It already occurred.

Councils of the psychologist

Councils of psychologists how to stop loving the man, seldom are original. However to listen to them happens it is useful at least because the true professional will always manage to give the standard recommendation a shape, bright and available to understanding. Let's give several such councils.

Look for a hook that it was simpler to break from it. Take a detached view of the elect and try to understand what in him clings you. It is very useful to formulate several leading questions in writing and then quietly and honestly to answer them.

For example:

• what in it is it that is not present in others;
• as your relations could look if you became couple (family);
• that you could it (allowed) give and kind of it reacted to it.

Having found all these hooks, it will be necessary only to remove slowly and purposefully them from himself and thus to be released. It is not as difficult to make it as it seems. It is only necessary to realize that a part from the fact that it seems such valuable, in fact is illusion, you can ensure other part without effort and, and other man can give all the rest to you. In a word, light a wedge did not agree on it at all.

Do not come across in a trap for monkeys. In some tropical countries of monkeys catch by means of the primitive device: in the capacity recorded on a certain place with a narrow neck put a tasty bait. The primacy thrusts a hand into a trap, is enough a bait, but cannot pull out a hand any more: for this purpose he needs to unclench a fist and just to produce delicacy.

Trying to hold production which is all the same inaccessible to be eaten in hands, the silly monkey allows to catch herself barehanded. Be not a monkey, throw what you cannot eat!

Learn how to attract love of the man in the life.

Not to think of a pink elephant. This example is very often given by psychologists at various seminars. If to try to forbid someone to think of something or someone, then this thought or an image surely will begin to recur to the memory.

Do not force themselves to stop thinking about it, it is useless. Act simpler. Get a moneybox and throw into it a coin every time when until recently the loved image recured before you to the memory, it was mentioned by you in a conversation, etc. When pay attention that the quantity of the coins thrown into a moneybox in a day became obvious less, count the accumulated savings and buy something pleasant. It is not important that it will be — cream cake or a ringlet with diamond, the main thing in another: you defeated yourself!

Change scenery. It is possible some to try to forget about darling and at the same time to shudder from each phone call, secretly dreaming that it it. Switch-off phone and go to a travel for few weeks. It is better there where there is no communication. Having returned with huge baggage of impressions and new friends, you, perhaps, also do not remember that from whom you so desperately ran.

Distinguish manipulation. The love is some kind of drug. Having experienced the strongest nervousness and pleasure from touch, a kiss or even a tender word once, we want to experience this feeling again and again. But the truth is that each subsequent meeting on sharpness of feelings considerably concedes in reality to the first. Thus, clinging to memoirs, we fall a victim us the thought-up illusion, cruel game which is played with us by our consciousness. Shake from yourself deception and look to the truth in eyes: if there was a need to forget darling, so bad with him was more, than good.

The world is not the desert island, but your hero — not the last man on the earth. In your life surely there will be others, someone from them will be worse, and someone is better. The quicker you will break off the bonds holding you, rather will open for the new relations. Moreover, adequately endured tragedy does the person sincerely richer, more interesting and even … is sexual more attractively.

Important! The most shrill and talented works of art are devoted to love unfortunate. Psychologists note that such feelings sublimate in creative energy: the suffering looks much more deeply, than silly happiness.

Told it is not necessary to perceive as an appeal at all to suffering, but if it is inevitable, it is worth sending it to the constructive course. Pain, as well as an open wound, never looks attractively. Only scars which already dragged on, and the lessons which are taken out from former defeats can decorate.

You loved not it, and the thought-up image. Alas, usually quite so also happens. The girl, having read novels about the prince on a white game and the noble knight without fear and reproach, chooses the suitable guy from the environment and mentally we attribute it all those qualities which would like to see in the promised.

If the feeling appears the mutual, same general there will be also an inevitable enlightenment. But if nothing not suspecting elect estimated the honour done him, look at a situation soberly and recognize: between him and your dream is not present and there was nothing in common. And time so and to suffer there is nothing. The love is a concept not legal. We often treat the partners as to property to which we have full authority. In fact only those couples in which both remain independent persons can be really happy. People can last to each other, but not merge in a single whole.

The fact that you were ready to give the life for the sake of love for it does not oblige to anything him. As well as the fact that still yesterday he promised to be with you up to the end, both in joy, and in the mountain. Lyubov is a bird who does not sing in a cage. If your darling wants on will, release him immediately. Also rejoice to the fact that happiness with it was in your life, and nobody will take away these memoirs from you.

We recommend to learn how to distinguish love from love.

Not all men are swine. The bitter experience experienced once even if it was connected with the real treachery, should not harden you. Never late to start with a clean slate, and at the same time it is not necessary to wait for stab in the back at all. Fear again to burn — the main enemy on a way to happiness. Try not to harbor malice against the being and to treat parting philosophically: instead of he stopped using me a formula at us with him it did not develop.

To order itself nobody can love any more. But time heals any wounds, including sincere. Think that in a year you will remember the sufferings and torments with a smile, and just focus on how easier and more cheerfully to live this year — the first year without it.