Phrase "We need to talk seriously", apparently, already set to men the teeth on edge: having heard it, they screw up the face as they from a lemon, and hurry to curtail a conversation and to retire. Really, a showdown – process unpleasant, but at all not a synonym of scandal.
Unfortunately, many girls do not even try to state the claims directly. They change behavior, send significant messages or drop "accidental" phrases in hope that the partner not that will notice all these difficult manipulations, but will even remember and will connect one with another. Strictly speaking, men are not able to read mind. And women too.
As a result the girl wastes efforts to informing the elect of the encrypted message – a request for the help, I am eager for attention, desire of caress. It has expectations which do not come true. As a result she explodes, remembering it all offenses at once. This explosion is inexplicable for her partner: he, maybe, also felt that he something not so, but did not see the reason. And he naturally takes offense in reply.
You should not try to adjust something until both of you are offended and excited: instead of "exchange of views", there will be "an exchange of reproaches". What are, in fact, the relations? It is long social contact. Negative emotions prevent any social contacts because they prevent to conduct dialogue, and it is not important about what: present that on the street the angered, shouting person will run up to you and will demand to prompt the road – your rejection and desire to interrupt such contact quite logically.
"You cold and rough". "I feel that you became cold to me. I perceive some of your words as roughness and it is unpleasant to me". The first statement – reproach. The second – especially personal feeling which you will not be able to change – therefore has to change there will be a partner. Support the words with examples. "You pay me not enough attention". "I would like to see you more often. To me it is sad without your attention". The first statement will help nothing to the man: for one attention – expensive gift, for another – hourly calls, the third thinks that the attention is a joint watching TV. Prompt to it what you want that will force you to feel better in these relations. Whether be not afraid to use a phrase "Correctly I you understand that …" if some of answers of the partner is indistinct or will seem to you in a root unacceptable. Retell aloud that you understood from a conversation, and you ask him about the same: even between two people real "chinese whispers" are possible.
Adults differ from children in the fact that can formulate the requirements. And the relations of two adults are a respect, recognition and care. Care consists including in mutual satisfaction of requirements. When it about comes to the relations, it is not necessary to rush in an extreme: how to deny the requirements to please to his requirements, and to mount upon a neck to the sympathetic partner. However be honest before themselves: not each relations are capable to give us everything that it is really necessary for us and if after all dialogues, categorical terms and the last chances, you feel powerlessness something to change – indeed. Your task is to inform the partner what and why you want, but if you coped, and he did not begin to change anything – means, does not want, and, in general, has the right to it. Your right – to continue the relations with which you are dissatisfied, or to begin others in which to you will treat with due consideration and care.