Who this stranger who lives with you in one house? He quickly swallows the food, fills a basket with dirty linen, on all questions lows and shrugs shoulders and aims to slip away from the house or to be locked in the room with the computer. This is your son? And where that sweet kid who climbed to you on hands and told all the simple secrets disappeared? Still yesterday you perfectly understood all his thoughts, feelings and aspirations, and today it seems to you that he was changed that it is absolutely foreign person. Nothing terrible occurs. The child matures, but still needs your love and care. Now its problems become serious the injured knees and you need to learn to understand the son anew.
It is required to you
- Sincere desire
1. Make sure thatMake sure that your son sees your love and care. Let go his face more often it develops in a scornful monkey grimace, he all the same needs your approval, encouragement and acceptance. But it is not necessary "to heat it in love" and to forgive it everything because "it has hard times". Teenagers need borders. Yes, they are irritated established by you governed, but they need them. He has to see that its actions are capable to upset you, to cause your disapproval. To it it is important that you worry about its safety and demand from it unconditional performance of some taboos. Sometimes teenagers specially do something awful that you stopped them.
2. Communicate with the son in time, favorable for both of you. You do not force it to a conversation in the mornings or when he is keen on chatter in a chat, the conversation will not turn out. But between you for certain there are such moments when you are especially close – can be when you carry it by car to school or take away from section, together remove a table after a dinner or repair the car. You appreciate these moments and try to carry on a serious talk at this particular time, but not when you were occurred by a thought, urgently to learn what happens to the child.
3. Listen to it. If he with enthusiasm started talking, it is not necessary to interrupt him. It is not necessary to remember at this moment that he threw sneakers in the middle of a corridor again. It is not necessary to tell it similar stories from the youth. He wants to share with you something? So show that it is important and interesting to you.
4. Do not give to the son a lecture and manual. Believe, he heard their all the previous life and daily listens now. If for the last 14 years you did not manage to din into him, "that it is good and that it is bad" now a little rather late. The teenager needs assessment of his acts more, than new lectures. Discuss with him its actions and decisions, its choice of a way, but do not continue to tell about possible difficulties on a route.
5. You speak its language. For your son of SMS, VKontakte, LJ, Facebook, the blog and other an integral part of its world. To it there easy and just to communicate, from there he receives the lion's share of information. If you stubborn remain on this side of a door, it is your choice, but then you should not be surprised why you do not understand the child. He learned a modern language, and you want to speak with it only on old. He is full of impressions, but you are really not able to understand about what it it?
6. Let in his friends your house. Can seem to you that on the apartment the invasion of barbarians is made, but actually it is someone's lovely kids too, just now they "so smell". It is not necessary to impose them the society, let are engaged in its room, but you can invite them to tea and get into the general conversation, suggest to bring on a concert or on a match, to take at cinema. Take a detached view as your son communicates with them, from their talk you will be able to understand about is mute more, than from the conversations imposed to him.
7. Talk to the friends familiar with your son, to his teachers and trainers. They can see your child from outside and tell you about him something new, something that will help you to understand better it. Perhaps, someone from them at the moment is his authority, and he trusts him more, than to you. Remember that it should not offend you, it is a normal stage of development. You the person still important and dear to it, but it is necessary for it will learn to build the adult relations without you.
8. Continue to include it in economic family cares. Tell that you want to teach him to be independent and independent. He claims that already adult? And so the adult can not only peel potatoes, but also cut salad. Overcome its resistance, but do not leave his one with household chores. Do something together or be engaged in some affairs in a row. When it ceases to grumble and will be fond of business, it will be most suitable time to teach him to something brand new.
9. Learn, than he dreams to be engaged, but hesitates. Help him with this hobby and even try to divide a new hobby. He wants to assemble the motorcycle? Make it together. To learn to play the guitar? And why you cannot do it? To bring together youth group? All right, you can become their producer. The son for many years divided your way of life and your hobbies, your turn to try to divide him came.
10. Well, you very progressive parent are also ready to understand everything, but tattoos? Tunnels? Piercing? Tell and for what you bought a new car or dyed a hair? To show the belonging to a certain social circle, differing from his typical representatives, the truth a little? Your son does most, only by the methods accepted in his environment too. It is better to pay to him expensive professional tattoo, than to admire years a curve headdress which he all the same will make sooner or later.