Unfortunately, such phenomenon as dislike for own child, meets not seldom. For what reasons does it occur? Perhaps the child was born, and the maternal instinct did not join, or the child was born not that floor what would be desirable... It is not important. Perhaps, mother will not fall in love and it is necessary to learn to live with this grief.
Unloved child. Children perceive everything differently. Somewhere it is simpler, somewhere it is more painful. Dislike of mother - the dearest and loved one - can be felt as skin when mother shouts and punishes without cause when you hear from mother's lips so many rough offensive words when you are a daughter, and mother is always more tender with the brother, and from you always demand is higher.
The child feels everything. And even if openly not to speak to him: "I do not love you!", the child knows, though does not understand. The child reaches for mother, approaches and embraces. Mother is always cold, does not tell tender words, does not embrace, never praises.
The person grows, matures, understands more and more, sometimes in a talk of adults and will slip something it seems "... the daughter gave rise, and I wanted the son, and it was a pity to refuse what people would tell?" or "I so hard gave birth to her that I could not fall in love". And here to the person 20, 30, 40 years. And it is harder and harder than the relation, it is harder and harder to find a common language with mother, and to her already not easy to hide irritation.
What should I do? To refuse communication? To move far away and to tear off all communications? Not option. Mother, let and not loving, all the same remains a mother. And her in such situation , for certain, too it is not simple. She has not a tender affection for the child, did not learn to love as all. And, of course, blames himself for it. But mother not a cuckoo, did not throw, did not refuse, brought up as it turned out, tried to give everything that only could. Let she more often was unfair, and in the rest of the time ignored.
Let's try to cope with current situation? The most important and the most difficult that needs to be made, it to forgive mother for her absent feeling. And let mind you understand that mother did not refuse, probably, only because she was afraid of condemnation of the act by people around. And let somewhere confidence sits inside that if parents already had a child of that, the desirable, a floor, you would be given hardly a chance to live. However a chance was given and in maternity hospital not left. Also brought up. Also cared. So the following that needs to be made - to thank mother for life and for the house, for her efforts and for care.
To fall in love with itself. Too not just to make. All life receiving less caress and love, the person , as a rule, treats himself not really kindly. It is necessary to try to break this barrier. For this purpose very well the next training approaches.
At the moment when you are in loneliness and nobody can prevent. We switch-off phone. It is possible to turn on the gentle quiet music as a background. We settle more conveniently, we close eyes. Also we represent ourselves the child. Not to remember itself, namely to become mentally the child, to return to this state soul. And to come to love very much the child all heart, with all the heart. To call itself by the most tender words, to look in the face, to smile. To shroud this child in all love which now so is not enough. To embrace itself - the child, to shake on hands. It is possible to sing a lullaby or to make still something that wanted to be received from mother, but it could not give. To return to a present state, having kept this feeling of love and heat.
Not to be obsessed. It is necessary to stop thinking of what mother does not love constantly. To accept it as a reality, and to release. It is heavy and sick - to release offense. But it is necessary to say goodbye to it to open the heart to happiness.
To fall in love with mother. Yes, strangely enough, and the offense accepts shape of love, and ourselves, taking offense, we call the offense love. But we already released offense. Now it is necessary to let in love. For this purpose it is possible to use such training. To put before itself the mother's photo or just to present a mother's image. To remember how mother smiles, moves, what voice at it. Again mentally to return to the childhood and to remember the rare pleasant moments, tasty mother's pies or as mother sits at needlework. To try to think of mother with tenderness.
To improve the relations. Here everything depends on circumstances which are in the present. Of course, to call mother and straight away: "Mother, I know that you do not love me, but let's maintain the relations!" - it will be rough, silly and inappropriate. And we will take for the rule to call mother at least once in day and to be interested in her health, affairs, her cares? It really was the good start. To tell about the affairs, to ask council or to be interested in mother's opinion. Let mother feel necessary. When the love proceeds from the person, it compensates love which the person received less from the outside.
Of course, councils very general it is also necessary to adapt to the history. And, besides, there are absolutely difficult situations when it is impossible to get on with a thought of what mother does not love. In that case the visit to the psychologist will become the best exit. It is also necessary to take into account and the fact that people can be mistaken. Sometimes behind "infinite empty cavils and eternal control" there is desire to sponsor, alarm for the child and great maternal love.
Councils suit women more.