How to mother to bring up the son that the man, but not the infantile spoiled henpecked grew up?
Instruction
1. It will be difficult. Difficult. Painfully. At least, at first. In independence of that, the will of the woman is how strong. Every day in mother's eyes trustful children's eyes will look and her child will ask questions which it is necessary to answer honestly, but is soft, selecting each word not to wound, to offend, to shift to a small coat hanger the despair and the pain, the rage and offense.
2. What should I do? It is better to be prepared in advance. The divorce was not surprise, the momentary decision which was carried out in one day. The list of questions which will be asked by the kid is small. And where father? When will the father come? The father does not come because he does not love us any more? Approximately so. Being guided by the son, by his age, make the list. Give simple and most honest answers to questions. You should not go into details, it is not necessary to lie, and it is bad not to speak about the child's father at all.
3. Everything that is felt now by your little person - it is fear, uncertainty, devastation. The son, future man, sees that mother worries, and he is not able to affect it. There are anguish, sense of guilt, despair. The child, being in dejectedness, looks for attention, support, proofs of your love for it, guarantees that it is necessary that it will not be thrown that it is still loved and important.
4. For this reason you should not protect the ex-husband, the child's father, from education of the son. It is difficult, but you should not deprive of the son of meetings with the father. Give them freedom: let walk, communicate, spend time alone. It is important to try to keep the sincere friendly relations: let the child see that the attitude of parents towards him did not change. It is, of course, a utopia, and each couple manages to keep the good friendly relations after the divorce not.
5. Not always, but often happens so that there passes time and the father has a new family where not all are glad to his communication with the child from other woman. The father appears more and more seldom, and then vanishes from a field of vision at all. What happens to mother? Understanding that her son remains without men's education, mother begins to rush about. Indulges, feeling sorry for the child deprived of destiny, on the contrary, takes drastic educational measures, being afraid that the son will grow up excessively soft, having before itself an example only of female behavior model. Mother tries to be a mother, having charged herself also the father's duties. It both is heavy, and it is not correct. Stop, exhale. Remain mother, bring up in that manner which is close to you, do not humiliate the son with slaps and cast-iron discipline, try not to break on shout, allow the boy to be the child, do not shift to it a part of the adult problems. Talk. Tell that is sick when you feel pain that is sad when you long. You say about love for the kid and about how he helps to have hard times, bringing joy already existence. Understand that now too it is hard for the son. Listen to him before abusing for offense. Once your adult son confesses that almost with envy watched how other boys walk with fathers. What feeling of emptiness was in his small children's soul when he thought, looking at them: ""And I have no father"". Also tried not to show the feelings because to mother and it is so heavy why to her the nobility. And these feelings developed into prank and roughness, in a hysterics and shout - is not conscious, not to hurt and to spite. Talk to it, let know that you understand and you share all his emotions, tell that what he feels - naturally and everything that you want - it is to help. Be together, become the best friends. But remain mother!
6. Incomplete family... The phrase it after the divorce will begin to pursue you after a while. It was imperceptible earlier, and now and climbs in ears, in eyes. Incomplete, defective, unsuccessful... It absolutely not so! Incomplete is when parents cannot get on together, it when the father raises a hand against mother, it when mother shouts at the father, it when on the child and his interests, solving adult problems, nobody pays any more attention when in family there is no main thing - love, patience, trust. This incomplete, dysfunctional family. And family where the love where the child receives everything reigns, necessary for life, for full development even if only one mother gives it all this - it is family harmonious, full, safe.
7. One of the main torments of the woman who is independently bringing up the son is the concern on lack of an example of male behavior. The grandfather, the brother, the friend of the family, the schoolmate's father, the trainer, the teacher can become such example. Movies and books in which the image of the courageous, brave, proud and kind hero reveals will be good help in education of the son.
8. Often in public transport it is possible to see a picture: at a stop the grandmother with the grandson or the woman with the son enters the bus. In hands at it a heavy bag. The boy of years 6-7 is also more senior. Someone gives way, and into place it is the granny or mother plops the child, itself costs, hardly holding a hand-rail, and, being dripping with sweat, with an intense tired face, holds the heavy burden. And the little boy sits and stirs legs. Then we are surprised why men do not give way at least to pregnant women, elderly, not to mention young women. They just do not think, not because bad but because are brought so up.
9. Help with the house. Sometimes the woman is afraid that if her boy who is brought up by her one begins to perform also housework, beginning from folding of the toys before mopping, ware, also will go shopping also will try to cook food itself, then will grow up effeminate, infantile. Allow it to help. The son shows an initiative because defines itself as the man, stronger, hardy, he wants mother to have a rest, tries to protect and protects as he is able. It should not interfere. Let will help. Let will wash the dishes after a dinner, or will bring a package of purchases from shop, allow it to try to hammer a nail or even ask the son about the help.