Today I am mother having many children and during motherhood found and I continue to find invaluable experience which it is ready to share. Of course, from the very beginning I did not know how to bring up the son. There was a set of doubts and questions...
Once, being yet not skilled mother of the newborn boy, to become I was lucky the witness to extremely interesting scene. It was played directly on my eyes and is so close that it was succeeded to make out all its nuances. Since that time I became in a subject of courage and femininity seriously interested and was engaged in search of the answer to a question: that I can as mother of the boy to make for the kid that in the future "real man" grew up from him. There passed a little more time and gradually understanding, understanding of value of roles of each of spouses began to come, also gradually there was a release from false ideas of the men cast by obsolete public stereotypes … But all this was then, and that day … … The fast train carried away me away on dark tunnels of the subway. Having nestled on sitting, I held well familiar book in hand, thoughtfully thumbing through shabby pages. Behind glass walls pictures changed, leaving behind one for another the comprehended stations. In the car of an electric train there were not many people, but at the same time free seats were not too. Each guest went about the own business here: someone read, another slept, the third, having dressed the head in earphones, enjoyed music sounds. Opposite to me the family – the woman of years of forty and her son, by sight settled down years of twelve. The train moved forward, and I continued to soar mentally in the printed world. At some point, having raised eyes, I found out that we are going to stop. Even a moment and the doors were opened, hospitably inviting in the expecting passengers. In a wide aperture the lady of prestigious age, years of seventy five appeared. Having looked back on the parties, she straight went to my party. I was going to rise, but here saw how opposite to me the teenage boy was thrown by an arrow in a height. The elderly woman approvingly nodded and flopped on a vacant place. I looked at the boy and admired the seen image: earlier lost in crowd, not remarkable, nowadays lights up the presence all space. His eyes sparkled light sparks, the torso was straightened, and the figure found outlines of the turned triangle. Male energy spread on his body. The teenager was happy with an act. It was very pleasant to look at it. Everything was as if on the place. … But not long. Rushed as if a typhoon, mother of our hero interrupted idyll. Unexpectedly she jumped up and in literal sense seated the son on the place. The woman grabbed a hand-rail and, wagging here and there – strong-willed and self-sacrificing, calmly, she continued to thumb through pages of the female magazine. Her dense eyebrows were strongly frowned, reminding themselves rather deep ditch in the condensed twilight, than the beautiful moon. I watched succession of events. The boy shy raised eyes and tried to object: "Mother …" - but, hesitated to continue and stopped short. - Sidi, I told! - the woman ordered. On the face of the little boy bashful brightly pink paint spread, having painted almost all surface of skin uneven large spots. More than a moment ago full of strength, desires to live and make acts … sat before me with the hung head, having densely pressed it in sloping shoulders. He dared to contradict and fatefully obeyed female mother who lived in the world and did not notice the events. Since then I managed to see many similar pictures. Boys on age in them became less, and mothers are younger and younger. But every time everything repeated again: mother hurried to seat the beloved child on free space, remaining to face at the same time the son, not seldom tired and even exhausted, with heavy bags in hands. There are other situations in which it is possible to see how the spouse skillfully copes with the adult husband, controlling and correcting each his step. And unless not each woman dreams to appear in worthy male hands, to feel nearby a strong shoulder, to feel "absolutely safe", at the same time, daring to be oneself and enjoying, to live the Woman's life? How many Wives sincerely want to admire the close man - the spouse, the beloved, as much and Mothers wish to be proud of the son. I write at all not to express condemnation, and sincerely I want to pay our maternal attention to education of little boys and to offer: * To think to us - to Female Mothers, over what in our forces to make to promote disclosure of men's potential in sons. To see in the volume PROCESS naturally meaning Development, understanding and, certainly, Time. (Whereas in the standard understanding definition "real man" is rather end result.); * To think of the fact that according to psychologists, formation of a role of the father and man happens in the early childhood – at the age of 5 years! And the got experience and representations are acquired deeply at the subconscious level; * To take a detached view on itself, an inner circle to see, where exactly we are mothers - we take excessive care, guardianship or control, thereby without allowing or considerably slowing down disclosure of men's potential at the sons; * To reflect how we could contribute to the development of the child. Years later the little boy should take the responsibility for the wife and children, for providing family, the solution of big social tasks; it is necessary to realize natural purpose. Tell and how you think at what age it is possible to begin to bring up the man in the son? Kind of you answered this question? In fifteen, ten or five years? To me it is thought that it is possible to bring up and direct the child earlier when the kid begins to listen to words and attentively to look narrowly at the world around – about one year. Certainly, at the very beginning of a way we are capable to show the actions examples of virtue, cares, responsibility. Allowing the fertile field to accept. But already shortly on this strong base the understanding by the boy of the role in family, society, the world will gradually lay down layer by layer … I united several examples from life of how Mother and the Father (if it is) the little boy, could promote formation of male traits of character. Completely on your discretion. Because education is an art and assumes exclusively creative and individual approach to each child separately (owing to uniqueness of the personality), and even to the same child the updated approach during the different periods of life is required. It is sure that you complement the list with the practices and observations. And as a result you will pick up what most of all is suitable for your family. Recommendations from Skilled Mothers: 1. Certainly, the best education – own example, than we really live and we breathe what we are actually. The words which are not supported with outlook, action become mere and useless. For example, from early age (about one year) it is possible to focus attention of the kid to what the father opens before mother of a door, helps on with the coat, carries heavy bags; it is necessary to give way to elderly people and pregnant women. 2. To communicate with the child and to explain your acts. It is very good to pronounce the reasons of your behavior. For example, when you give way in transport or help the grandmother to climb steps, it is possible to explain that it is heavy to person to stand, it is hurt by legs, and it can fall. For that who have grandmothers and grandfathers to bring them into comparison. Strangers – a certain abstraction for the child and when there is an analogy to well familiar people, more clear for what it becomes necessary to behave so. 3. To encourage and praise the child. To note those acts which belong to manifestation of kindness, cares of the people surrounding it, etc. 4. To accustom to independence. I will give an example, one woman who since the childhood trained the son to look after itself. She taught him to all: to prepare, to clean up, erase, iron things and even to sew on the sewing machine. Without knowing future son, it prepared him in the best way. Now the adult who took place the man - the father of five children. He can always come to the rescue of the spouse and to be her the assistant. 5. To accept the help from the child. It is very important to teach children not only to take, but also to give love, care, the help. If the child suggests you to help, shows an initiative, it is good to learn to accept it, in process of opportunities. So one my acquaintance every time sits down on hunkers when the little little son hurries to help mother on with the coat. And another, does not refuse to sit down on free space whereas her five-year-old son it is necessary to stand nearby. 6. To train children to do good, follows as well as to all the rest. In our family we tell when and than the father and mother go to help the parents. Well when the child begins to realize that mutual aid in family exists and what it can consist in. When we are going to give clothes for needy families, children already can show desire and select toys for the needing children. 7. To involve in feasible work. My many familiar mothers arrive as follows: if on the way from shop near at hand there is small, it can do the child a paper bag, hand it to the son (the polyethylene bag will be suitable for the two/three-year-old child). 8. To cultivate responsibility. It is useful to charge affairs, according to age of the child, it feasible, it is desirable that among them were and "assigned" to the child (to wash for itself a cup, to regularly water a flower or to feed a parrot, to clean footwear and so forth). Responsibility grows together with the child: the child, the its is more senior, respectively, it is more. One family familiar to me, leaving children at home some, chooses "responsible". Next time other child gets this honourable role. Children wait for the turn! The father and the son can go together on "men's affairs": to bring heavy bags, to warm up and clean the car, snow in the yard, to collect a children's bed for the little sister or to buy flowers, etc. And finally there is a wish to notice: as in any business, and, promoting formation of male traits of character at the son, it is important not to go too far. To you it is not necessary to put the uniform which is not suitable by the size on the little and not strengthened yet child. He just should become the adult and responsible man, the head of the family, passing on lifelines. But to encourage kindness, responsibility and care of the people surrounding it, to me it is thought, costs. Without forgetting that before you the little person who has the right to be weak, and is not obliged to meet every time your expectations (as however, and any other inhabitant of Earth). And to show patience and wisdom, on disclosure of any full potential (men's is not an exception), all human life is given.... Ekaterina Shabanova, mother Having many children, trainer, consultant, Head of ROO "HAPPY FAMILY"