When the child reaches teenage age, parents notice that their relations with it become more intense and more difficult, and sometimes just intolerable. This problem meets most often in our everyday life. At the child the transition period from the childhood to maturity which duration varies depending on rates of its development begins. Usually in three-four years everything returns to normal. But as it is difficult to worry these years and how many mistakes are made during this time.
The main feature of teenage age are sharp hormonal and functional changes in an organism. It is reflected in a mental condition of the teenager. He becomes more vulnerable, emotionally unstable, makes inexplicable, in terms of logic, acts.
At the teenager "the feeling of maturity" which parents need to support is formed, confirming with examples from everyday life: "You helped me …, you considerably matured, learned much", "You made … already as the adult independent person, it is very pleasant to me" and t. item.
Besides, many parents notice that their children, having become teenagers, seek for communication with the peers more, can talk for hours with them by phone. It is one of features of this age too. And the it is more difficult than the teenager's relation with parents, the more he listens to opinion of peers. It occurs because he begins to trust them more. During this age period it is very important to parents to keep trust and understanding in the relations with the child.
The most part in our relations is made by communication. It proves the importance already since the birth of the person. Thanks to communication, we can keep "a thread of trust and understanding" for the rest of life or to tear off it at any stage of development of the child (more often on teenage). First of all, the attitude towards the child as to the personality already since the birth has to be the cornerstone of confidential communication. It is necessary to respect his opinion and to consider in creation of joint plans. Especially it is important at teenage age. The most important in the relations with the child is a sincerity. Teenagers are especially sensitive to a lie. At this age it is more difficult to them to forgive to parents their insincerity. Sometimes they do not forgive it in general. In creation of the relations with the child of this age it is important to parents to consider its age features. For the aid to parents several ways of effective communication with the teenager are offered. Their application in everyday life will help to keep trust and understanding between parents and their children:
Listening to the child, let it know and feel that you understand his state, feelings connected with that event about which he tells you. For this purpose listen to the child, and then by the own words repeat what he told you. You will kill three "hares" at once:
- the child will be convinced that you hear him;
- the child will be able to hear himself kind from outside and is better to realize the feelings;
- the child will be convinced that you understood him correctly.
On a serious subject you hold a conversation when there is nobody around any more. In a conversation you watch the tone. He should not be derisive. Adhere to quiet tone, listen carefully. You should have no ready answers to all questions;
Try not to say: "All the same that they did there, but you it is better for me not to get involved in it", "I know that for you it is better", "Do what I tell you, and the problem will be solved".
Support and encourage the child without words. Smile, embrace, wink, fray it can do, nod, you look in the face, take by hand.
Never compare it to whom - that, you do not say to him that it has to be similar to someone.
Advise the child, but provide him freedom of choice of action.
Listening to the child, you watch his mimicry and gestures, analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that be at them all right, but the shivering chin or shining eyes speak absolutely about another. When words and a mimicry do not coincide, always give preference to a mimicry, a look, a pose, gestures, tone of a voice.
Never humiliate the child even with words.
Do not put the child in an uncomfortable position in the presence of foreign people.
Encouraging the child, keep up the conversation, show your interest in what it tells you. For example, ask: "And what was farther?" or "Tell me about it …".
Come off the TV and postpone the newspaper when the child wants to talk to you.
Let know to your child that you are interested in him and are always ready to help.