When the first meetings, courtings, love and a dizzy attraction in couple already behind, all this is quite often succeeded by a routine, a usual course of life. Strangely enough, in this, the quietest period when all arrangements are concluded would seem, and there is no place to surprises, there is a tension in the relations. As a rule, this phenomenon begins to be shown with small and accrues as a snowball – quarrels, claims, any word is perceived as attempt to offend or touch. Let's consider how it is possible to fight against it.
Sources of problems in the family relations
It is important to understand that difficulties in the relations never arise from anywhere, they always have certain reasons. For example:
- one of spouses experiences difficulties at work, and at the same time does not get understanding and support from the second spouse;
- in the relations too many unexpressed claims and unresolved problems collected;
- the day before there was a quarrel or a skirmish which consequences have still an effect;
- opinions of spouses of rather important question differed in this connection both subconsciously perceive each other as the opponent;
- in the relations there is no time for pleasant pastime together and everything comes down to life, a routine;
- someone from couple became reserved, and the second partner lacks attention, understanding and participation;
- there are situations about which spouses prefer not to speak, however this conversation is necessary;
- tension in the relations very often arises against the background of unfaithfulness of partners, and even when the second half does not guess yet it but only it feels changes.
There is also a mass of other causes of tension in the relations, however between all options there is the general: it is important to couple to solve a problem, but not to wait when silence becomes intolerable, and the situation will be aggravated. Psychologists note that quite often problems in intimate relations have the same roots: mistrust, lack of mutual understanding and support and also existence of innuendo and unresolved difficulties.
The solution of problems in the relations
Often problems are brought already to that boiling point when not to do without the help of the professional family psychologist. However if you see that the problem only begins to become ripe, it is quite possible to cope with it independently. At the same time it is important to remember that strong person the first takes the first step, offers the first solution of the problem – at weak for it there is just not enough spirit, it is simpler to it to wait, endure. Therefore will be quite reasonable to independently take steps towards to tranquility in the relations:
- Stock up with patience. Not all women are able to carry on such talk quietly, without tears, offenses and reproaches. Be ready that she, perhaps, waited long ago for an opportunity to talk and be heard.
- In advance decide for yourself that you will emotionally not perceive everything told in bayonets, and you will try to get up on a position of your second half and to see a situation her eyes.
- After emotional preparation when you see that you are ready to a conversation whatever it was, offer it, having chosen an opportunity when nobody is late anywhere, it is not busy, etc.
- State the observations of rather appeared tension, and if you have assumptions what it can be connected with, it is possible to tell also about it and to ask to express your half.
- At best you will hear that she very much was tired at work, in the worst – learn about yourself a lot of new and not absolutely pleasant.
- Offer a compromise which would suit also you, and your half on this matter, listen to remarks and summarize a conversation.
Such approach will allow to feel the predominating role in the relations, and will show to the woman that all under control, you are attentive to relationship and are interested in their successful continuation.