The teenage love will unintentionally appear suddenly when it is waited at all by neither parents, nor young lovers. The brightest, trembling, pure love of teenagers, alas, and the most short-lived, but delivers it troubles for the years ahead.
How to behave during this concerning period to parents, from the point of view of psychologists, read further in article.
What the love at teenagers begins with
The pubertal period starting, as a rule, at the age of 11–12 years is marked by revelry of hormones which provokes the growing interest in an opposite sex at teenagers. This interest is gradually or pretty fast localized, passing from abstract feelings to specific persons.
Actually, it is also young love, i.e. neosozpnanny aspiration of the teenager to the teenager of an opposite sex which to them not to describe words, but without implementation of which it seems that the whole world immediately will fail.
The boy, beginning to feel as the man and looking the interested look the flower bed from attractive young creations, suddenly begins to feel that one of them eclipses girlfriends absolutely as it is more beautiful and more gentle than all, cleverer and is more well-mannered than all, it is more attractive and more interesting than all.
And the girl suddenly feels that she wants to look more beautiful, more attractive, more interesting in the presence of the specific boy.
Whether you know? According to teachers, teenagers are capable to fall in love several times monthly, having been sure that each such love at them seriously and forever.
Signs of love at teenage age
Only through indifferent parents are not able to notice that to their son or the daughter there is something, beyond the school program. Mothers and fathers cannot but just prick up the ears if their child:
- for hours earlier staying at home behind computer games or behind books, suddenly became more rare guest under a parental roof, quite often being late beyond its limits;
- wallowed in the telephone negotiations lasting for hours, but surely passing far away from parents and often in a whisper;
- suddenly showed interest in existence of pocket money (boy);
- stays in a condition of constant euphoria, being that is called in the seventh heaven in the absence of the estimates corresponding to the moment in the diary;
- plunges into deep mourning besides without justification of the reasons for this purpose marks in the diary;
- shows willingness to register in the circle which is not corresponding to its former interests and aspirations at all;
- shows raised and until then unprecedented attention to own appearance.
If these signs nevertheless do not suggest some mothers and fathers an idea of possible teenage love of their child, then unintentional detection in things of the son or daughter of contraceptives will hardly leave any doubts even at the most thick-skinned among parents.
As the boy in love behaves
Boys in love at the age of 12–14 years, from the point of view of the adult, behave strange and it is even unnatural. They, instead of gallant wooing of the young sweetheart, can pinch, push, spoil her the textbook a hairstyle and even to lock in a school toilet. And it comes not from poverty of intellect or ill-breeding at all, and is exclusive for fear. Most of all they are afraid that, having shown the sympathies, they will be rejected by a lamentation subject, and their pure feelings will be scolded and subjected to derision therefore they also try to lie down attention to themselves least, in their understanding, a safe way.
Guys are more senior than the girls who were usually pleasant to them in toilets do not lock any more, but not only keep fear to be rejected and mocked, but also cultivate still more.
They replace pinches and pushes with a long stare from far away, setting kind of of a casual and noncommittal talk and the other actions masked by affected indifference.
Of course, in our cynical time cultivating relaxedness in any sphere of the human relations is more and more teenagers trying to start up the sympathies and feelings straight away and to seize attention of a subject of the adoration at once.
But the congenital teenage fear to be the rejected, mocked subject to lamentation and therefore ridiculous in others eyes and here often will hobble the most desperate guys.
Whether you know? Scientists for certain established that the condition of love at the person cannot longer last one year. Then comes or a stage of development and deepening of love, or feeling of disappointment in the elect.
As the girl in love behaves
If in the society grinding communication between floors during the millennia, boys of early teenage age in love would behave foolishly, and girls at the same time understood nothing, it would be very strange. Actually the second teenage half perfectly sees everything and understands. If the boy too often pushes the girl, takes away from her a backpack and wildly at the same time laughs loudly, all teenage female half of a class is sure: the boy is in love completely.
Moreover, if none of boys pinch any girls, claps the textbook on the head and lifts up in any way, then such girls feel humiliated and offended and therefore are forced to undertake the not less rough and silly measures to draw attention to themselves and to give a reason for more close acquaintance.
And girls who are deprived of similar fighting qualities put on a mysterious look, try to improve the appearance, show readiness to help on control. And all this besides to attract attention as all boyish half, and to the taken a closer look object among it.
The same young persons who are actively pinched push and lock in a toilet, most often show seemingly paradoxical reaction to it. They kind of ignore the event. But an artful game is behind this ostentatious braking.
The girl, without reacting to in general offensive actions in any way, i.e. without being indignant, leaves to offender chances of continuation of a game. But at the same time does not hurry with development of the relations as also itself does not know yet how further to behave.
Features of school love
The main feature of school love consists in its rapidity. In most cases love affairs, having arisen in school, in the same place also finish the existence therefore psychologists reasonably call teenage love a rehearsal of original love, and it is frequent even not a dress rehearsal. This statement confirms the phenomenon often observable in school on spring. It is worth appearing in a class to one couple in love as epidemic of school vlyublyonnost and kisses immediately begins. Also put here not only in the well-known spring impact on romantic feelings. Often everything is more prosy.
Many teenagers begin to play love to tower in the eyes and eyes of schoolmates which are deprived of similar adult feelings and have to envy couples in love. The teenage love is short-lived by the nature as it mainly grows because of teenage egoism. At this age to the boy or the girl, the young man or the girl it is much more important own feelings and experiences, than the person causing them i.e. is interesting to them a love object until it causes in the teenager the new, concerning personally his feelings, until then to it unknown.
Of course, in school walls the true, sincere, durable love sometimes arises and then it goes beyond school limits and continues to live in adulthood. However it happens very seldom that proves once again ephemerality of teenage love.
It will be also interesting to you to learn how cheerfully and it is useful to spend vacation.
At the same time, it is a fine training (if here this word is appropriate) in anticipation of the real, truly deep love relations.
As it is correct to behave to parents
Parents who were once teenagers most often nevertheless are not capable to return to that condition of mind and feelings which is peculiar to this difficult age and therefore begin to measure teenage experiences on the adult arshin, making at the same time gross blunders. For example, forgetting that teenagers are extremely vulnerable to ridiculing and mockery in the address, parents often do not perceive feeling of the child seriously, laughing at them, as at some funny trifle.
Meanwhile psychology of the personal relations and profile psychologists saved up big knowledge base on the basis of which parents can build competent behavior during so responsible period of life of their son or daughter:
- Natural desire of the teenager to preserve the intimate relations against invasion of other people even if and from parents, it has to be respected by them, but at the same time should not be indifferent for them whom their son or the daughter meets. It is necessary to solve this dilemma extremely delicately, without any interrogations and vypytyvaniye. It is the best of all to invite loving couple to himself home.
- It is not necessary to ban meetings and joint walks of two beloved owing to full senselessness of the similar ban, but under control it is necessary to put them, having firmly stipulated the frequency and duration of appointments which are not interfering education.
- Does not prevent to increase to the child quantity of pocket money for visits of cinema or cafe. Communication in crowded places is always more preferable than dark entrances and parks.
- It is necessary to help the child with improvement of the appearance delicately.
- As the majority of teenage vlyublyonnost comes to the end with a painful gap, it is necessary to help the child to leave a depression, without sticking to it at all with attempts to amuse him or get to talking. It is necessary to let it know that parents always are near, always near at hand and are at any time ready to come to the rescue. It is whenever possible useful to distract it from sad thoughts any fascinating event, for example, purchase of a nice puppy for whom leaving, or acquisition of the new gadget is necessary.
- Promptly maturing present youth under the influence of the Internet permissiveness considerably lowered age of the youths having sexual relationships. And here in any way not to avoid a difficult conversation about possible consequences of so early interest in this unsafe process. In a question of obligatory use of condom it is necessary to show strong uncompromising stand.
- It is necessary to show resolute hardness and in case the son or the daughter get under complete dependence from the partner. It is necessary to explain intelligibly that being humiliated, implicitly executing any whim of the girlfriend (friend), the teenager not only loses self-respect, self-esteem, but will soon lose also subject to lamentation as obsequious people are interesting to nobody.
Important! Psychologists claim that every second case of teenage love is meek that in the absence of support from parents is fraught with development of complexes in the future.
Councils of psychologists at emergence of the first feeling
The main mistake of parents (and teachers) at identification of strong indications of love at the teenager is their groundless requirement to immediately stop all appointments and to focus on study. Except desire of the teenager in love to hide, retire with the feelings into oneself and to internally declare adults the enemies, it will not cause anything. Psychologists, on the contrary, advise to show unostentatious interest in new feeling of the son or the daughter and as a sign of trusting relationship to the arisen collision to invite young loving couple home. Discussing meeting results, it is not necessary to draw any hasty negative conclusions about the girlfriend (friend) especially as the first impression often is deceptive.
But anyway the criticism of a subject of lamentations of the son or the daughter can be very quickly reoriented towards parents. If the young beloved also stays in pink glasses, then only in relation to a subject of the love, but not to all people around.
Moreover, when the feeling of school love will inevitably come to the end, the daughter or the son will accuse of it the parents who interfered with process, but not a natural trend therefore let lovers will make the mistakes and on them will learn to avoid their repetition in the future.
Important! The best way of fight against obviously wrong choice of the child is not the criticism of the elect, and, on the contrary, praise (let and excessive) advantages of the son or daughter against the background of what qualities of a subject of love will inevitably turn pale.
The first school love of teenagers is clean, bright, emotional and transient. It can safely be included in the list of knowledge gained at school. It gives rich sincere experience, ability to distinguish fidelity from treachery and provides serious preparation for future real love experiences and the relations.