In some families the jealousy from the spouse is even a bigger problem, than real dissonance in relationship. Not always treason of the husband involves experiences at the woman. Often the fears turning into obsession take place just. And the wife begins to suspect the man of incorrectness constantly. Councils of the psychologist in this case come down to the fact that the woman should work first of all with herself.
From where the fear undertakes
Sources of fear of treason of the husband lie in a female self-assessment. If the spouse is not sure of herself, of the feelings, of the appearance, then she often is afraid of incorrectness of the husband. Especially sharply such experiences are shown during right after emergence in family of the kid. Young mother did not manage to make toilet yet, to lose weight, besides the child takes almost all her time. And sex after the delivery is forbidden to have the first 6-8 weeks in general doctors. Without having found the place in new family, husbands leave to look for heat and attention to mistresses. But not all spouses so do. Happens that the fear of the wife is, and the incorrectness never was. Paranoia can just provoke the spouse to treason.
Strong and sure women are not insured for similar fear too. Perhaps, for experiences there is also a real reason (the husband changes actually). But always in such situations there is a dissonance of relationship between spouses: someone from them (or both) does not receive care and love, attention.
Councils of the psychologist: what you should not do to the woman
- To make scandals and hysterics. The similar behavior will only worsen a situation, but will not lead to constructive dialogue.
- To stop intimate life. Regular sex allows to derive pleasure to both suprgua, to have a rest and approach. Even if at the woman the fear is strong that the husband is not loyal, you should not stop having with it sex. When suspicions are groundless, the lack of proximity will lead to further discharge of spouses from each other. And in a situation of real treason of the husband the refusal of the wife of sex can accelerate its abandoning the family.
What needs to be done
- It is obligatory to find to itself occupation (better creative or sports) and to plunge into it. Even young mother who sits with absolutely small child needs to distract periodically from the kid and to be engaged in something special. At least several times a week the woman has to devote hour of time to something personal: to embroider, write the book, to draw, go to fitness. When thoughts of the woman are occupied with favourite business, she just has no time to be jealous and afraid.
- It is useful to tell to the husband about the feelings not in the form of a claim, and in "Ya-statements" as it is advised by psychologists: "I am afraid that you change me", "I feel that I am insufficiently good for you", "I worry about our relations". Formulations from the first person will help the woman to inform of the fears, but not requirements the husband. Constructive dialogue about what needs to be corrected that the spouse felt comfortable begins with it.
- Increase in a self-assessment is necessary for elimination of excessive fears of treason of the husband. If there are not enough fitness classes and independent work on themselves, then it is better to ask for the help the psychologist.
You should not forget about feelings of the husband. He needs heat and care too. Irrespective of the fears and jealousy of the spouse has to pay to the man attention, be interested in its affairs and life. Perhaps, the spouse has experiences too that he became uninteresting to the wife. Only the dialogue full of trust and love will open ways for improvement of the family relations.