"Marriage on a zalyota" - rather widespread phenomenon. Some girls consider pregnancy approach the only way to connect the life with the man. What future does wait for the families started only because of pregnancy of the bride?
The other day the young woman – the wife and mother of the small child addressed me for consultation. A problem, it is necessary to tell, rather widespread: married because became pregnant, the relations with the man and before marriage were not really, he obviously did not intend to marry it, after the wedding of the relation began to be aggravated gradually even more. The client admitted that pregnancy for it was in that way which she wanted to hold the beloved. She expected that she will be able to wake up in it tender feelings to herself, and the child will not allow it to leave her. However in practice it turned out that everything went absolutely according to other scenario. And now he moved from it back to the parents, avoids communication with it and does not seek to see the child.
Probably, such stories it is possible to meet much. On consultations there were couples which too married because of pregnancy of the wife, but the man was potentially ready to start with the woman a family, let not so soon, but nevertheless had such intentions. Their relations began to spoil after the wedding too, thoughts of a divorce appeared.
Work with such families, I paid attention to one characteristic feature: the woman, understanding that she used pregnancy for motivation of the man to marry it, could not be confident in the husband up to the end. She began to suspect him of unfaithfulness, was jealous at the slightest pretext, was angry with a lack of attention to herself, his coldness, took offense at unwillingness to be engaged in education of the child and care for it. It exhausted itself doubts and suspicions, and the husband – claims, requirements, scandals, offenses and reproaches. All this occurred because she knew well that she consciously went for deception, cunning to keep the relations. She understood that to marry it there was not its conscious choice, not its decision, not its aspiration, but a step to which it compelled it.
The men who married for such reason on my consultations noted that they felt as if the woman set up them, forced to make on what it had no intention. In a range of their feelings and emotions in relation to such woman they had practically nothing positive. On the contrary, many noted disgust, hostility, aggression, offense.
Several times it happened to advise couples when the situation was opposite: the woman, having become pregnant, wanted to make abortion and had no intentions to marry the man, however it declined her to creation of family, and already she sought to stop this marriage eventually. In such couples already the man began to torment the wife with suspicions, jealousy, requirements of attention and heat in relation to himself, reproaches and scandals.
It is obvious that any of the described scenarios is not capable to make such marriage happy and strong. And at the same time, the marriages consisting as speak in society, "on a zalyota" can quite be happy. Such examples are. What distinguishes these families from those which suffer crash? Generally it is possible to answer this question so: instead of a position "I have to hold it by all means" the woman costs on a position "I want to summon at it love". The last position is embodied that the woman seeks to be favourite and desired, to be a wife and the friend, but not the tyrant who locked the man in a cage and demands that he fell in love with this cage.