At distance to maintain the relations quite difficult. Their quality is affected by a set of factors. Whether such relations and what their prospects in the future are possible in general, read below.
The relations at distance — as it
The relations at distance were always a problem for people. Long study, emergence of new opportunities to work abroad where experts are more demanded, than in the native land, threatens private life.
Today this problem becomes less painful thanks to existence of mobile communication and the Internet, on the one hand, until recently couples had an opportunity to communicate generally through mail.
On the other hand — emergence of new opportunities, a large amount of temptations and also individual perception by the person and society (immediate environment) of those relations can become a serious obstacle for their continuation.
Whether you know? The brain of the person in love is in a condition of the same euphoria as a brain of the addict who accepted a dose.
Pluses
Huge plus of such relations consists in acquisition of new skills by both partners. If in couples which are constantly living together, one of partners, practically always occupies the leading role, i.e. there is an accurate hierarchy, then in the relations at distance each partner develops and survives independently, counting only on himself, being implemented as all-round development the personality.
The second plus is the ability of such people to appreciate each other and to support the initiatives connected with departure. The considered communication type between people is one of templates of Platonic love. In such relations the contact is kept not only at the expense of a physical attraction and romanticism, but also at higher spiritual level. The third plus is increase in a sexual attraction in couple due to long separation and infrequent meetings personally. It does life of more various that cannot be told about couples which always together and roll in a life routine.
The fourth plus — unity of people in attempts to achieve high aim. Often similar decisions are made for the purpose of increase in prosperity of family, creation of bright future for the descendants.
Whether you know? The feeling of love allows to make thinking more abstract. Most of great poets, composers and artists created the greatest creations, staying in this state.
If to consider the relations under such corner, then the man and the woman become the equal partners striving for the one and only goal.
Then requirements corporal recede into the background, and between people there is a strong mutually advantageous communication supported also romanticism.
Minuses
All pluses of such relations can be at the same time minuses. Here plays a major role:
- level of spiritual development — people with the low level of spiritual development a priori cannot support is long the considered communication;
- pressure of society and own stereotypic templates;
- dissatisfaction in the sexual plan — hormonal failure and requirements of a body can play the leading role in break in relations;
- perception of loneliness;
- perception of the essence in the world around.
Self-realization without existence of direct contact with the partner, can play a role in his subconscious rejection. It means that one of partners or at once both perfectly get on with each other at distance, but cannot coexist together in one territory.
During communication at distance the partners perceive each other in ideal light, without considering shortcomings as it occurs in couples which live together. The woman does not collect socks for the man, does not see how he is nasty when he comes tipsy home, and the man does not see the partner disheveled since morning, in the home greased clothing.
Whether you know? The most romantic animals on the planet are dolphins. The male is capable to sing for 40 minutes of serenades to the pleasant female.
Kind of it did not sound, but is an indisputable fact. It turns out that couple maintaining the relations at distance at each meeting pass a grinding stage. Once one or both partners can realize that life prior to a meeting was much simpler as there was no need to exchange itself for other person.
For example, it was possible to have a bite quickly sandwich and to gather quietly for work, without waiting for the turn to come into the bathroom. These elementary trifles can strongly irritate. Huge minus is pressure of society and perception own I in this society. In total with instructive remarks and examples of friends, relatives, colleagues that the partner has a ball, and you sit here expect him as the righteous person, with sexual dissatisfaction, lead to emergence of conjectures and quarrels in couple.
Whether the relations have a chance at distance
If earlier the love at distance was measured mostly by service life of the young man, then today borders not only between the cities, but also between the countries are erased, thanks to advance of technological process. Work abroad is not something outstanding. People seek to increase the welfare and to achieve recognition in the industry close to them.
Important! The woman is auditory, and it is the fact — the better the man treats her, the relations will be stronger.
In today's conditions, with presence of the various gadgets allowing to keep in contact the relations at distance have every chance to exist 3 and more years. And working conditions abroad mean hourly compensation and various bonuses for appearance at work on the day off. Considering parting in such context, leaves that the person who left the country for the sake of the purpose to construct steadily provided future will have no time for search of the sexual partner that even more strengthens the relations at distance. To keep the similar relations, couple has to define for itself the purposes. It will give the chance to understand how to build line of conduct otherwise.
Whether the person can love at distance
Not to lose feeling at distance happens very difficult. Disagreements arise in any couples, and at distance to extinguish in itself offense and to calm down Ego is problematic. To love at distance, it is necessary not just to communicate with the partner, and to put itself on his place. Men and women in the behavioural and emotional reactions very much differ from each other.
Important! The feeling of loneliness can lead to a depression.
Women are more exacting in the emotional plan. They need to feel like darling at distance and to remain one and only therefore not the phrase which is said by the man, and intonation with which he tells it is important for them. The man in the emotions and words is more straightforward. Not to decide to itself superfluous, it is worth addressing a problem root.
Behavior of the man
In love of the man there are 3 main components which define his attitude towards the woman and are shown in a special way in behavior:
- fear to lose the partner — if he calls daily, having worked 12 hours, despite fatigue (even if for 5 minutes), he is afraid to lose the woman;
- the pity and aspiration to sponsor darling — it feeling borders on proprietary motives, it is gnawed by pangs of conscience, for the fact that threw the partner one (elementary it is absent when it is necessary to carry heavy packages from shop, not to mention possible conflict situations when men's protection is required);
- admiration of the partner — in the relations at distance it is often shown, as at the first meeting.
Sometimes on various situations described by the woman in the course of the conversation, the man can react slightly irritably. It not from the fact that it is not interesting to it, and for offense that it is absent at the concrete moment nearby.
One more interesting factor which is shown in communication of the man who is far from the half — lack of need to see the woman every day and to hear her voice. But it does not mean that the attachment disappeared.
Behavior of the woman
The woman not always concentrates on the partner, and it is the fact. Some are guided by the rule: Did not call — means, hung with other woman. Infinite calls begin, even when it is inconvenient for the man, many employers abroad forbid phone calls during a shift and to do it just once.
Important! Do not forget to thank the partner, communicating with him. It induces the person to give gratitude in exchange that increases mutual satisfaction with the relations in general.
Women who perfectly feel alone meet and try to gain the new skills allowing to create the personality having all opportunities to survive independently without presence of the man. In that case it is possible not to wait from her for calls because she will be exhausted by the rough activity.
The woman is more inclined to Platonic expression of feelings, than the man. She is easier dissolved in family problems, especially, if near it the child, or focuses attention on career development.
Why the relations at distance — not the best idea
To completely reject model of such relations and to claim that such couples break up more often, it will be wrong. There is a number of factors which can push to parting, but the same factors take place and in the standard relations. The large role is played by perception of the concrete relations and itself in them both participants.
Strong social pressure
The society often imposes the stereotypes which developed for centuries. One of them — male polygamy. But it — no more than the myth. Different people, both men, and woman. The main thing here — perception of each other in these relations and trust.
Naturally, human consciousness — the tool which can be manipulated easily, and if day by day to repeat to the person that his partner left to change, it will believe in it. However, considering standard model of the relations in a counterbalance, the same pressure can be put upon people who live together constantly.
Whether you know? In the course of tactile contact, namely embraces, in a human body oxytocin is developed. This hormone is natural analgetic and also raises a tone of all body.
Conclusion one — to refuse communication with people who present information obviously unpleasant to your consciousness. After all, you are in the relations more precisely to tell — depending on the specific person, but not from society.
Yes, it is heavy work — not to give in on provocation. But the relations is same steadily harmonious work as any production. If it is correct to perceive them and to place all priorities, then problems will not arise, both in the relations standard, and at distance.
Feeling of loneliness
Feeling of loneliness — one of the most oppressing factors, but, looking from what party. The person can be in rather close connection and feel all the same unnecessary. Besides everything depends on perception model. It is important to partners to feel moral support in all undertakings, to receive reproaches or encouragement. If it is, then no distances are terrible.
Dissatisfaction of sexual requirements
Owing to the developed stereotypes and promotion of illegible sexual communications it is considered that all life of couple comes down to it. Will incorrectly claim that the person (the man or the woman) cannot live without sex.
Learn in more detail what is love and as to understand it.
After all, the person — not an animal who cannot control itself and steadily seeks for reproduction. And then the sexual dissatisfaction can arise also in couple which all the time together.
How to keep the relations
There is a number of ways not only to maintain the relations at distance, but also to improve their model. It is possible to achieve such effect only on condition of accurately coordinated work of both partners. Present that you the harmonious conveyor which makes the relations favorable, morally comfortable and mutually pleasant.
To support communication
The first and most important — communication maintenance:
- correspondence in social networks;
- calls by phone;
- calls with video in Skype;
- perhaps, even love letters (for heating of romanticism).
At once it is necessary to agree on the schedule of such communication, leaning on:
- time difference;
- load of both partners.
It will be interesting to you to learn what is virtual love.
Also it is worth stipulating nuances of opportunities of lack of communication in some days provoked by unforeseen situations that further there were no disagreements. Here it should be taken into account that sometimes both people need to be published, they cannot live hermits.
To make the schedule of meetings
Plan together the future, making the schedule of meetings. The relations need to be fed also with physical proximity. And so, this schedule keeps partners in some positive suspense. They kind of are in expectation of a dessert after a lunch as small children that positively influences establishment of strong communication.
To plan joint affairs
When planning the schedule of meetings stipulate joint pastime. Look for a common ground with the partner in real life. In virtual life such course will also be quite good. All have days off.
it will be very interesting to go with darling to the museum, keeping in contact via Skype. It is unusual experience which will also positively affect relationship.
Not to allow deception
Try not to lie. Deception will reveal sooner or later, and then not to pass scandal. You go to cafe with friends, and you speak. There is nothing bad and criminal.
Read also how to understand: you love the person or it is attachment.
Together to solve disputed issues
Everything that causes discontent, it is necessary to discuss and try to come to mutual opinion which will allow to solve the conflict. In such relations innuendo and the nursed grievance — not the best adviser. You should not spend yourself for quarrels on trifles, it is not a lot of time for communication and when they are saved, remains even less.
Self-improvement
Be engaged in a samosovershenstovaniye. Try to concentrate less on trifles and to give to time to good points more. You learn to appreciate what is now. Any bad point can be turned and considered on the other hand. Then at once it will become clear that in it there is a good party.
Councils of psychologists
Several councils from the leading psychologists who will help to overcome all distances and to learn correctly to perceive itself and the partner in such relations:
- You study not only speak, but also to listen. Having caught sad notes at the partner in a voice, take an interest as he feels.
- Be not obsessed with own I — to both of you hard, this burden for two and to say that someone works on the relations more, incorrectly.
- Consider the relations at distance as a temporary phenomenon — they cannot last eternally. Try to outline for yourself at least an approximate interval of time upon termination of which you will live nearby and to go hand in hand.
- During the meetings be not closed from the world. You do not reduce a meeting to banal physical communication — emergence together in the company of friends will give much more advantage to both of you.
- You learn to place priorities in the relations.
We advise you to learn what is the Platonic relations.
The relations at distance are not such wildness today. Many families live apart for 3–5 years. If people correctly place priorities and are able to define the purposes and value of relationship, then no distances will hinder.