Why attempts to change the man often come to an end with crash of the relations?

Why attempts to change the man often come to an end with crash of the relations?

There are no ideal people. Why women forget about it when they marry and find out that darling possesses shortcomings?

There are no ideal people. We know about it nearly since the childhood, but many women make a mistake, trying ""to remake"" the identity of the partner to please to the whims and whims.

When delights ""candy buketnogo"" the period come to an end, there comes real joint life, many married couples face that the partner - is not ideal, it has a number of shortcomings, and in affairs he can make mistakes as any person. Men in such cases are more tolerant and indulgent. Women begin ""to return the left happiness"", is urgent ""to correct a situation"", resorting to not really delicate methods. They begin to criticize, teach, fall into offenses from the fact that the man behaves not as the woman would like. Various manipulations are used: from the luscious ""magic phrases"" read in female magazines - before provocations in the form of sneers, a vulgar hysterics and rough blackmail. Such approach most often turns into unpleasant consequences for both.

Wishing to improve the atmosphere of the relations, women think of own psychological comfort more, but not of what is felt by the partner. Building a certain abstract ideal in the imagination, they proceed from this what has to be the man that it was good and convenient to the woman. It is the main mistake. As soon as the man hears the list of the fact that it ""has to"", in it the aspiration to protect himself from psychological violence wakes up. It is possible to receive in reply protective reaction which will evolve from the aspiration to please - before flashes of aggression and the occurring cooling.

Whatever you were a beauty - the man in the woman appreciates first of all heat and support, psychological safety. Going on the serious relations, he trusts in the woman as well as she to him. And if he lives with her under the same roof, then does it because feels in the woman not only an object of physiological passion, but also understanding, a soulmate. The passion can become dull, become aggravated, weaken, amplify, and relationship of souls - what the normal, healthy man will never refuse and will appreciate it above all, despite of fluctuations of physical inclination.

It seems to you that your man does everything ""not so"", and you endlessly aspire to the place and out of place to give to it advice? All this will lead to the fact that he will just cease to show an initiative, will begin to hide the activity. The infinite criticism discomposes, forces to be nervous, the man has a resistant inferiority complex near the spouse who knows everything better, than he. As a result you or receive ""mattress"" lacking initiative which it will be simple to avoid independent decisions and responsibility, or - will provoke the conflict and steady aggressive reaction to your aspiration to somehow estimate, discuss its acts. Any your attempt to comment on its actions will encounter deaf protective reaction.

To be at war for the right to be devoted in affairs of the partner in such cases - it is fraught that you can spoil the relations finally, and the man will cease to share with you, will deprive of you the personal trust. As a result, sooner or later, he will find the person who will accept it without negative criticism. And it is good if this person is only a partner on fishing, but not the secret girlfriend or the fellow worker with whom not only the warm friendly, but also romantic relations can connect him. You can become the inspirer and the ally in the man's life, but can win reputation of importunate ""controller"" which causes habitual hostility.

Often women would like to see ""vest"" in which it is possible to be cried in the loved one. If ""vest"" does not show due emotional participation in women's issues, then the partner is usually inclined to be accused of callousness and indifference. And meanwhile the thing is that men are guided by more logic, than feelings. To force the man in critical life situations, for example, it is impossible to empathize the woman. He will think how it is effective to solve the arisen problem where the woman will express emotions and indignation. Give him such opportunity, but do not demand from him consoling ""baby talk"".

To demand from the man to show interest in what interests or concerns the woman - from dresses before relationship with girlfriends - too senselessly. At best you will achieve an indifferent nod, in the worst - it just will begin to avoid communication on foreign a subject for it. To complain of life, bad chiefs and the prices in shops, expecting ""moral support"" from the man - it is useless. He just will not begin to penetrate into all subtleties. In general, it is better to discuss similar situations with girlfriends. And it can cause boredom and irritation, the aspiration to be fenced off from importunate ""noise"" in the man. You will finish attention violently - you risk to become uninteresting to the man. 

To recognize in the relations that someone for someone has to make that and that is means, in advance to doom itself to the conflicts. If in the union of the man and woman everything becomes not for itself, and for each other, voluntarily, in all sincerity - such attachment over the years will only get stronger. As soon as you begin to try to dominate, require to yourself special attention, refusal of some habits and communication with a habitual circle of people, to impose a way of life which is alien to your man - the relations will begin to come to naught smoothly. Some time they will exist by inertia. At strong attachment the man will go to the victims, but will feel disappointed, or - in revenge will begin to demand self-restrictions and from the woman. It will definitely not lead to strengthening of the relations, and the mutual discontent will only grow, and over time will lead to cooling or a gap.

Any personal violence in the love union is a stress, a cardiac wound and the memorable offense. And if women owing to natural causes and mental features accept need to obey less painfully, then the man regards submission to the woman as personal defeat and loss of advantage.

Female tricks, manipulations, provocations and psychological experiments with the man almost always lead to disorder of the relations. Irrepressible attempts to remake, ""improve"" the partner - come to an end, as a rule, sadly. The woman, after all, can be sent in an offensive form for search of more suitable couple, and with the recommendation to take also a favourite doggie. The partner, having endured a gap, goes towards to new life - and love. As a rule, the man quickly finds to himself less obstinate couple, with those qualities which unsuccessfully looked for in the last relations.

It is necessary to understand that men in search of couple are more constructive and step on same ""rake"" seldom twice. And women as beings more emotional, often look for replacement to the lost love, subconsciously choosing the partner with the mental features and habits peculiar as their ""former"". As a result - the cycle is repeated anew, and the relations remarkable, warm and comfortable first are gradually cooled and crack.

You appreciate those who are near you. You too - are not ideal. Remember great bible expression: ""Lyubov does not look for the, is not extolled..."" Try to be respectful to others inner world and personal space - only then you will be considered the native person, really "" a half and to which, despite of small and large shortcomings, will always pull.

Author: «MirrorInfo» Dream Team


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